


Waking Up

by popchoc



Series: Waking Up [1]
Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Romance, Smut, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-23 09:11:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 46,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17680595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popchoc/pseuds/popchoc
Summary: There are moments when all the stars align. When everything seems as it should be. It's not like all your problems go away. It's just that the problems are suddenly manageable. You feel so good, you wonder if it's real. I can tell you it is. It's very real, but it will not last. I'm not trying to be cynical. It's just that even when a day starts out so, so well, that day can end so, so badly...After months of circling around each other Arizona and Eliza are finally dating - enjoying every minute they can spend together. But then their world turns upside down... Story takes off at 13x23, but takes a different direction pretty much straight away.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> May 13, 2017: Watching 13x23 again, I noticed we don't get to see Arizona and Eliza again after they leave that car sex debate together. Which made me wonder: where did they go? And could they be in danger, just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time? 
> 
> _English is not my first language, I apologize for any spelling errors._
> 
> _Also: No worries, this is the only chapter that contains this much italic! ;-)_

When she opens her eyes the world seems upside down for a second. There's dust in the air, whirling down and stinging her eyes. There's silence. Except that this silence goes with a very high-pitched noise that hurts her ears. There's pain. Everywhere.

What happened?

Why is she on this floor?

How did she get here?

... a little earlier ...

> _"How is her boyfriend? Husband? Driving instructor?!" Maggie curiously asks the small group of doctors around her, right when Arizona joins them._
> 
> _"Uhh, definitely not husband!" she states, jumping straight into her co-workers' conversation. Just like the rest of the entire hospital staff she has already heard about the couple who got injured while making out in their car. Stories like these always do well._
> 
> _DeLuca gives them a quick update about said patient, then looks at her. "Why not husband?"_
> 
> _"Cause car sex is only for when it's new," she explains herself, while wiping her name off the white board. The hard part of this day is over. The car sex debate is not._
> 
> _"Or it could be cheating," Jackson suggests, but that doesn't seem to convince Maggie either._
> 
> _"Or... why do it?" she frowns. "Someone is always uncomfortable, with the gearshifts, and the consoles, and just limbs everywhere."_
> 
> _Eliza shakes her head._
> 
> _"You people need bigger cars!" she dryly remarks, while trying to keep her eyes off Arizona - with little success._
> 
> _Arizona catches her gaze and quickly glances back at her. She tries to keep a straight face, which isn't easy with flashbacks of a very recent - and very interesting - night popping up in her head. A night that is worth repeating._
> 
> _For a moment the chatter of the little group turns into white noise. Her fingers fly over the screen of her phone, like having a mind of their own._
> 
> _"Wanna get uncomfortable, with gearshifts and limbs everywhere?" she texts the woman who's standing only three feet away from her._
> 
> _After pressing the send button, her attention gets drawn back to the discussion by Maggie's voice._
> 
> _"..._ _to share their love. It figures that they would wind up bleeding in the bottom of a canyon," her colleague illuminates with a little too much detail._
> 
> _"Wow!" she exclaims, "That's so cynical!"_
> 
> _"That's what happened!" Maggie defends herself._
> 
> _Seemingly done with it, Jackson sighs. "Guys, maybe it wasn't love, alright? It's not romance we're talking about here, it was emergency sex-"_
> 
> _Arizona can't help herself - somewhat heated by the subject, she just has to look at Eliza again. Their eyes lock for a short second, sharing the memory. Or the suggestion perhaps. Caught in the moment she slightly wets her lips with the tip of her tongue._
> 
> _"...and they were just too damn horny to remember the parking brake," Jackson goes on._
> 
> _Arizona forces herself to focus on him again._
> 
> _"_ _That's super_ _cynical!" she cries out once more, giving him a judging look. Seriously, why don't people believe in The Feeling anymore? She still does, even though she has reason enough not to._
> 
> _Thank God there's at least one other person around who understands._
> 
> _"What is wrong with you people?!" Eliza backs her up with that same_ _amount of judgement in her voice. Yet_ _she doesn't seem to have any interest in their reactions, as she abruptly turns_ _around and heads toward the hallway._ _Arizona doesn't think twice and quickly follows her, leaving those pessimists behind._
> 
> _"Wait up!" she calls as soon as she's passed the double doors._
> 
> _Eliza looks over her shoulder and smirks at her. There's a twinkle in her eyes that tells her she knew damn well who was behind her. She lowers her pace so Arizona can catch up to her._
> 
> _"Dr. Robbins! Where have you been all morning?" she quietly asks as they stop at the vending machine to get a quick snack. Or actually, to use the machine as an excuse to scooch closer together for a little tête-à-tête. "Besides in my mind, of course."_
> 
> _Arizona smiles at her. "In surgery, mainly. Tough morning, thanks to a huge lack of sleep. Now, let's see who I can blame for that?"_
> 
> _Her raised eyebrow is answered by a playful elbow in the ribs. Arizona puts her hands in the air, surrendering. "Ouch! No more! I'm still healing. You know how hard it is to operate on a tini-tiny person when your fingers are all bruised and cramping all the time? I'm not kidding, someone has to pay for that!"_
> 
> _"Hey, I'm all yours," Eliza gives in immediately. "But I think_ _you have your Post-op waiting for you, and I know_ _I have some angry residents to piss off a little bit more right about now."_
> 
> _Arizona frowns. "Oh no, what did you do this time?" she asks, though kind of already knowing. "Forgot your filter again?"_
> 
> _Eliza pulls a face. "I guess I left it on your nightstand this morning," she shrugs, carelessly. "Oh well... See you!" she says. And off she goes._
> 
> _Very much aware of the big grin on her face, and of the fact that she is simply unable to hide it, Arizona watches her walk away till she's out of sight._
> 
> _"See you," she quietly sighs._
> 
> _Oh yes, The Feeling definitely still exists..._

_..._

 

> _She spends the next hour on her patient, fully focused. Everything looks well, it seems like she can even call it an early night. Leaving her patient's room Arizona pulls her phone out of her pocket. She has a new message._
> 
> _"Your car or mine?" it reads in response to her own question, earlier today._
> 
> _"Maggie scared me. Big canyons in Seattle, you know! ;-) How'bout a comfy OCR on the 3rd no one seems to know about?" Arizona replies straight away._
> 
> _The answer comes quickly. "On my way!"_
> 
> _Back at the nurses' station Arizona finishes the last part of her paperwork as fast as she can, then takes the stairs down to the third floor. The on-call room is in the far back. Eliza isn't there yet. Arizona lets herself in, kicks off her shoes and lays down on the small bed. She doesn't want to admit it, but she is pretty tired - three hours of sleep is clearly not enough for her anymore. Knowing perfectly well that 'on my way' means nothing in a hospital, she decides she might as well close her eyes for a second. Or a minute... Or..._
> 
> _She doesn't open them till she hears a familiar voice._
> 
> _"Here you are, I've been looking everywhere for this place. Wait, were you asleep?" Eliza asks a little surprised, while closing the door behind her._
> 
> _"I most certainly was not," Arizona lies. "Sleeping is not on my list right now."_
> 
> _Eliza sits down on the edge of the bed and pulls her shoes off as well. She looks at Arizona. "Confession time: it's on mine," she admits, a little sheepishly._
> 
> _Arizona exhales, sighing in relief. "Good, cause it's on mine too!" she grins. She stretches her arms, like an invitation. "Come here!"_
> 
> _Eliza lays herself down, easily finding her place in Arizona's embrace, resting her head in the crook of her shoulder. She wraps her free arm around her. "We're getting old," she sighs. Her fingertips start stroking Arizona's bare arm, mindlessly._
> 
> _"Or," Arizona muses, "we are actually real champions, who just happened to forget it was a school night."_
> 
> _Eliza chuckles. "Let's go with that!"_
> 
> _"Plus I really do have other things on my list. I'll show you..." Arizona continues seductively, while trying to suppress a big yawn. "You know, in like ten minutes."_
> 
> _"I can't wait," Eliza smiles softly._
> 
> _They fall quiet for a moment, peaceful and content. Eliza's fingers continue to explore Arizona's skin, drawing invisible figures with the lightest touch. Arizona nuzzles her nose in Eliza's hair, taking in her scent - the scent of her own shampoo._
> 
> _"I really liked waking up with you this morning," she says, smiling at the memory._
> 
> _Eliza looks up. "Even though I spilled coffee over your running shorts?"_
> 
> _"You mean even though you totally ruined them by emptying a full cup all over them?" Arizona asks in return, trying to sound annoyed, but failing immensely when a flash of a grin takes over. "Yes, even so. I liked seeing you in my clothes. And even more when you had to take them off. Besides, it's not that I'm ever running around in them again."_
> 
> _A sorrowful sigh escapes Eliza's lips. She carefully moves her hand to Arizona's thigh. "I'm so sorry," she whispers. "I can't believe all the things you've been through."_
> 
> _Arizona softly squeezes Eliza's arm. "Hey, don't you kill the mood now. I'm fine. I'm happy," she tells her, as her mouth curves into a warm smile. "I might have lost a lot, but that hasn't kept me from winning a little as well, you know. Like, I met this woman recently, who's smart and funny and sexy as hell, and who walks around in her underwear in my kitchen these days. Even a plane crash couldn't stop that from happening."_
> 
> _Eliza sits up a little, leaning on one elbow, looking Arizona in the eyes. "You're really happy?" she asks._
> 
> _"I'm really happy," Arizona reassures her. "How could I not be?" To add strength to her words she pulls Eliza into a kiss. When their lips break apart, their eyes meet. "Sometimes things actually work out, you know."_
> 
> _"Hm. You know what I think?" Eliza mumbles, while gently moving her hand upwards. "I think those ten minutes are over."_
> 
> _She bends in for another kiss before Arizona can properly agree. Yet she can feel how Arizona smiles into their kiss, which is the best permission she can get anyway. Eliza parts her lips, sliding her tongue against Arizona's, then into her mouth._
> 
> _Arizona quickly loses herself in the sensation - in this kiss that's both sweet and hot, and -hopefully- endless. She feels how Eliza's hand moves even further up, how her fingers slip under the hem of her scrub top and start to roam the naked skin of her abdomen. The feeling of Eliza's feather light touch sets her on fire. Sends a flood of adrenaline through her body, making her feel wide awake again; fully aware and thinking they should never stop doing what they are doing right now._
> 
> _But they do stop. Without a reason, or a warning. But with one, hard blow, coming out of nowhere._

  _... ... ..._

 There is something else. Heat. Smoke. Something is burning. Her senses start to work again. She can smell the fire. And although her ears keep ringing loudly, she thinks she can hear noises as well. She carefully turns her head a little further to the side, even though she knows damn well that she shouldn't.

But she has to know. She has to know she's not alone, she has to know that they're both okay.

The place looks like a war zone. There's debris all around her. She's covered with gravel, just like everything else in the room, or what's left of it. Her head hurts. Her eyes sting so bad. It's hard to distinguish one thing from another. She tries the best she can, but she can't find her.

Where is Eliza?

... ...


	2. Chapter 2

Her eyes keep scanning the room. The room that has changed into a ruin, with debris and glass and fragments of concrete and plaster everywhere. The window is shattered. The door hangs loose on its broken hinges.

All furniture is damaged. The locker cabinet on the other side of the room has fallen over. The top bunk of the bunk bed has collapsed on top of the bottom one. The small bed they'd just been lying on is no longer there - for reasons Arizona doesn't understand it's in the middle of the room now, upside down. She turns her head again to check the corner of the room. There's a hole in the floor.

The hole is about the size of the bed that was there a minute ago. Arizona realizes it's also where the smoke is coming from. Something must have happened down there, right underneath them. An explosion?

Then another question arises. Could Eliza be down there?

Knowing too well she's risking spinal injury with every move she makes, Arizona carefully sits up a little. She can't just do nothing. But, as she quickly finds out, she can't do much more either: the blast made her loose her prosthetic leg. Looking around again, she finds it almost five feet away from her, clearly broken.

Her good leg is not helping her either, as it turns out to be the source of her pain: there's a big piece of glass sticking out of her thigh. Taken enough risk as it is, Arizona knows she does have to keep the fragment in place to avoid major bleeding. There's no way she can stand, or hop, or use her leg in any other way.

Without getting up Arizona starts to drag herself toward the hole. She needs to look down, she needs to know what's there. Who's there. As she gets closer to the edge, her senses start to pick up all details of her surroundings. Familiar details. Memories. Memories of a landscape filled with broken pieces. Of a disturbing sound of silence. Of suffocating smoke. And of that horrible, horrible smell of death. Together with the screaming pain in her leg, it all becomes too much...

 

> _She's in the woods. She can tell, even without looking up, by the moist soil she's lying on. By the smell of leafs. By_ _the dancing patterns of sunlight and shadow right in front of her. When she does look up, finally able to open her eyes a bit more, the trees around her confirm her instinct._
> 
> _But she's not just surrounded by trees. She's surrounded by pieces of what used to be a plane, a plane that was supposed to keep her safe._
> 
> _She's in pain. So much pain. And she has never been this afraid in her life._
> 
> _She tells herself she's alright. She survived. She can handle pain. Pain doesn't kill. For one thing it tells her she's alive. Things can't get worse than this. Things will get better. She's always been an optimistic person._
> 
> _Too soon she finds out she's wrong._
> 
> _She starts coughing up blood, which tells her it's not just her leg she should worry about. She's not able to help her dying friend. Just like her friends are not able to help her. No one shows up to help them. They are all alone. She's all alone._
> 
> _The fire goes out on the first night, the darkest night of her life. Then there is a second night, and a third, and a fourth. There's no_ _food, no water. There are bugs all around her, trying to get the best of her. She can't escape them. She can't fight them. She can't fight any of this. For the first time in her life she loses all hope._
> 
> _She's never been this afraid in her life._

 

At first the voice seems to be coming from afar. When it slowly breaks through the constant ringing of her ears, and finally reaches that dark place in her mind she finds herself in, Arizona realizes the voice doesn't belong to one of the people in the woods - it's someone else. She blinks. She looks around. She's not in the woods. She's in the on-call room, staring at a hole in the floor.

She takes a deep breath, then slowly exhales. She ignores her tensed body, her sweaty palms. There's no time for this now, she needs to move on.

She still wants to look down, but she's afraid the floor might collapse if she gets too close to the edge. She stretches her neck. Like this, she can only see a part of the chaos below her, but it's enough to reassure her a little bit. Some of the sprinklers survived the blast and are actually working.

"Arizona?"

The voice is back, more clear now, and calling for her. She knows that voice.

"Eliza? Eliza, where are you? Are you okay?" Arizona cries out.

"I- I'm not really sure," Eliza answers. Her voice sounds weak, like she's out of air. "I'm over here."

Arizona exhales again, relieved - the voice was definitely coming from behind her. She slowly turns around. Leaning on her elbows she looks around the room once more. There's no sign of Eliza. Arizona starts to drag herself to the other side of the room. Twelve feet, eleven feet, ten... "I'm coming," she tells Eliza, "Are you behind those lockers?"

Eliza's answer is not really reassuring. "I'm afraid I'm kinda under it."

It takes Arizona all her strength to cross the room and find her way around the cabinet. Eliza is right - of course. She's lying on her back, her head and shoulder slightly up against the wall. The heavy cabinet has fallen on top of her, pressing its full weight on her body from the abdomen down. She looks as weak as she sounds, yet a small smile appears on her face when she sees Arizona.

"Hi," she says, like they're just meeting for coffee.

"Hi," Arizona replies, while closing the gap between them. "Let's get you out of there."

Eliza, fully aware of Arizona's struggle, stops her right away. "I don't think those lockers are empty. Thing is kinda heavy. But it's okay. I'm okay. They'll find us. Right?" She stops talking for a second to catch her breath, then continues, "Can you just... just stay here with me?"

Arizona grabs her hand. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. We'll just wait here together. I bet they're already looking for us."

Eliza nods, then shows a concerned look on her face. "How are you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Arizona lies.

Too shaken up to argue, Eliza accepts the obvious lie. She swallows and looks around, even though she can't see a lot from this position. "What happened? A bomb?"

Arizona shakes her head. "I don't know. Could be. Or a gas leak maybe? Seems like we were right above it. The bed got hit from underneath and launched us both through the room."

"Yeah, I think I remember some flying. Straight into this wall. I think I broke it," Eliza recalls.

Arizona softly squeezes her hand. "You don't think the wall broke you?" she questions, raising her eyebrow a little.

"Nah, I'm unbreakable." Eliza tries to laugh, just to prove that there's no reason for worries, but a sudden grimace of pain tells a whole different story. Watching her in pain like this, Arizona feels she is on the verge of losing her calm.

"Please tell me you can feel your legs!" she begs, not able to hide the fear in her voice.

Eliza looks her in the eyes again. "Is immense pain from head to toe good enough for you? Cause I can tell you, not feeling anything sounds like heaven right now."

"Hey, stop making jokes, okay!? Save your breath," Arizona tells her as she gently strokes her hair. It's wet. Too wet.

She quickly wipes the blood off her hand, not wanting to scare Eliza with the image, then tugs a stray of Eliza's hair behind her ear, exposing a little more of her face. She's got a bunch of scratches. Eliza catches her gaze and slowly lifts her hand, tracing her fingertips over the wounds on her own forehead.

"You still think I look sexy?" she asks.

"You're kidding me?" Arizona asks in return. "You look totally bad-ass!"

Eliza stretches her arm, reaching for Arizona's face. Arizona can tell it's taking too much of her, so she bends in to meet her halfway. Eliza's fingertips find her forehead; she barely touches her, but Arizona feels a stinging pain anyway; apparently she's got some nasty cuts as well.

"We're gonna be scar buddies," Eliza smiles.

Arizona softly smiles back at her, then takes her hand and carefully lowers it down again, without letting go of it. The room falls quiet.

Arizona's ears are still bothering her, but she thinks she can hear the sirens of a fire truck. She needs them to hurry. She can tell how Eliza is trying to stay with her, but her eyes seem heavy; she's closing them more and more often, then forcing herself to open them again. Arizona feels how Eliza's grip on her hand is getting weaker. How her breathing is getting slower. What's taking them so long?

"Arizona?" Eliza suddenly speaks up.

"What is it?" Arizona asks.

Eliza's eyes are looking for hers again. When they meet, they lock for a moment. She sighs, almost sounding content. "I'm really happy, too."

Then, before Arizona can say anything in return, Eliza closes her eyes again. And this time, she doesn't open them anymore.

... ...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'd already written most of this chapter when I watched the season 13 finale. Turned out the differences about the explosion, and specifically about the effects of it, are way bigger than I expected. Yet I decided not to change my first draft - in the end, this one is my story, not Shonda and co's.  
>  So why the note? Well, I can only imagine that the graphic picture that was the finale will stick for a while and might conflict with the picture I'm trying to paint. So it just seemed wise to actually point out those differences instead of ignoring them (without underestimating you guys), to get or keep you on track. So, before you continue this story, keep in mind: the explosion Wake Me Up was not as big as the one on Grey's. It was definitely harmful and dangerous for the people in the room and surrounding areas, but it didn't result in a huge fire (also thanks to the sprinklers) and they didn't had to evacuate half of the hospital._

* * *

 

"Steph? Stephanie? Are you... oh my God! Oh no!"

After a dreadful silence, the sudden noise of someone yelling and forcefully marching through the double doors sounds unnaturally loud. Arizona has been ready for it though; she reacts immediately to the familiar voice, not willing to waste another second.

"Jackson? Jackson, is that you?" she shouts. "We're up here!"

By the sound of it, it seems that in a matter of seconds more people fill the room below her. She can hear cries, and expressions of panic and shock. But no one seems to hear her.

"Hello? Anyone?!" she tries again. "It's Arizona. I need help!"

Finally letting go of Eliza's hand she moves herself back toward the hole in the floor, but getting closer to them doesn't help; the people downstairs keep making too much noise to be heard. An unwelcome thought flashes through her head: she's been here before. She feels how her heart is suddenly racing, and she knows it's not just from the physical effort. It's that raising panic that is about to take over, that panic of not being found - once again. She takes a deep breath, desperately trying to keep her breathing under control, then really raises her voice.

"JACKSOOON!" she screams from the top of her lungs.

At last it grows quiet.

"Who's there?" someone asks. "Who's calling?"

Is that Bailey? Arizona isn't sure.

"It's me - Arizona! I'm up here, on the third," she cries out once more. "I'm with Minnick, she's badly injured. You need to hurry!"

No one responds. Instead, the people downstairs are all starting to talk again. Arizona doesn't get what they're saying - did they not hear her? how did they not hear her!? - but then she realizes there's someone shouting orders. They  _are_  coming. She can let go now. Help is on the way.

 

* * *

 

After what feels like forever, yet in reality it's not even a minute later, April storms into the room, closely followed by Webber and Warren. "Arizona, what happened? Are you alright?" she exclaims, kneeling down at her while looking around the room, bewildered by the sight of it.

Arizona pushes herself up again.

"I'm okay - I think. It's Minnick," she groans. She points at the fallen cabinet. "She hit the wall before she got trapped under that thing. She's breathing, but she lost consciousness about three minutes ago."

Warren is already at the cabinet and about to lift it, when Webber stops him. "Wait! She's been under there for too long, we can't just release the pressure like that. Get a gurney first, and make sure there's an OR ready. Make them page Dr. Hunt and Dr. Shepherd."

Warren leaves the room without further questions; running, as he is trained to do. Webber turns toward Arizona again. "What else can you tell us, Robbins?"

"She could move her neck and arms. I don't know about her legs, cause they're stuck, but she said she could feel them. She was in great pain," Arizona tells both Webber and April.

Webber looks pensive. "In a way, she might call herself lucky that she passed out. After we release that pressure, that pain can become excruciating," he tells no one in particular.

"Did she seem confused?" April asks Arizona.

"No, not particularly," Arizona recalls. "I didn't notice any direct signs of disorientation. Short memory seemed fine. Eye movements as well." She stops for a second to catch her breath, then continues, "But she's got a big head wound. And her muscle control was quite weak. She'd lost her strength, too."

While Arizona tries to share as many details as she remembers, Webber starts to clear the way by removing debris. April wraps an arm around Arizona. "Here, let me help you over to the side a little, so we can get to her. Are you sure you're okay?" she double checks.

"I will be," Arizona reassures her. "Just focus on her first."

At that moment Warren comes back in, together with DeLuca - an empty gurney in between them. They run straight to Eliza.

"Alright, now as soon as that pressure comes off, we have to hurry," Webber directs his residents. "It's preferred to have a proper look and make a plan, but there might be no time for that. There's a severe risk of CIS. We don't have the proper equipment here, so we have to be the instruments ourselves now. Warren, I need you to keep a very, very close eye on her breathing and her pulse. From the second we lift this weight off of her, you can not look in another direction again. Be aware for any signs of shock," he points out the possible, and most devastating effects of Crush Injury Syndrome. "Also keep her as steady as possible, we can't risk any spine core injury."

As Webber prepares the young doctors, Arizona - though worried sick - can't help but smile a little bit; despite the crisis situation, Webber is teaching them. Eliza would be happy.

With Warren right next to Eliza, Webber and DeLuca get ready to lift the lockers. Not being bothered by any injuries, they are able to put it in the upright position in one try. As soon as they do, April moves the lowered gurney close to Eliza. It's blocking most of Arizona's view, but she does get a glimpse of Eliza's lower body. Something doesn't seem right.

"On my count," April tells the others. On three they lift her on the gurney in one fluent movement. Then, with her hands still in place, April grabs Eliza's pants and tears them apart to have a better look. Her "Shit!" comes together with Cross entering the room, a little out of breath.

"Dr. Shepherd is on her way, but she told us Dr. Hunt really can't make it," he informs his superiors.

April, now the only Trauma surgeon available, doesn't think twice. "I've got it. Warren, Cross, come with me!" she orders the residents, who already adjusted the gurney again.

"Blood pressure is dropping!" Warren warns them.

"She's in shock!" April yells. "Run!"

As they pass by, Arizona finally gets a better look of that part of Eliza that was hidden before. The position of her right leg seems far from okay and the skin of her hip that's now exposed shows clear discoloring. Without thinking, she tries to get up.

"Whoa, whoa! What are you doing?" Webber questions her, quickly offering her support before she hurts herself.

"I need to come with her," Arizona starts. "Let me come with her!"

Webber gazes at her, a stern look in his eyes. "You need to be examined, you know that. And she's in good hands, you know that, too."

Arizona opens her mouth to speak up, then closes it again; she knows she's not going to win this one. DeLuca rolls a second gurney in. Together with Dr. Webber he lifts Arizona on it. She's not fighting it. Instead she lays back on it and inhales deeply. It might be for just a minute, but it's finally her turn to close her eyes a little.

 

* * *

 

"How's your head? Any dizziness? Nausea?" DeLuca asks her, while wrapping a bandage around her leg. He has just removed the piece of glass from it. Fortunately the damage was minimal, nothing vital got hit. It only took six stitches.

"No, nothing like that. Just a headache," Arizona answers.

"How about your ears?" DeLuca continues his examination.

"Ringing. But I think it's getting less."

DeLuca secures the bandage. "Good," he says, "Now let's have a first check on your nerve system."

Arizona undergoes the test without great difficulty. She grabs his pen, squeezes his hands, and follows his finger with her eyes like she's going for a straight A. When he reaches her foot to check her reflexes, he frowns a little.

"Where's your shoe?"

"I wasn't wearing any," Arizona tells him without further explanation. "Can I go now?"

DeLuca sighs. "No, you can not! Come on, do I really have to explain the risks of a nearby explosion to you?"

Arizona looks at him, thoughtfully. "You know what, I think you should. If you're keeping me here, then I'm keeping you busy."

DeLuca seems conflicted between laughing and groaning. "You're serious?" he asks.

"Dead serious," she replies. "No pun intended, obviously."

He moves a little closer to her, so he can take care of the cuts on her face. "Alright," he starts, while cleaning the wounds, "The shock waves that are coming from an explosion don't just blow you of your feet, but also pass straight through your body, through organs and tissues. It's able to cause tremendous damage you won't always see at first sight. Ruptured organs. Internal bleeding - which can also be a result from the fall. Then there's the risk of serious head injury, again from either the shock waves or the fall. So yeah, it's really great that you can hold a pen right now, but I'm not letting you go anywhere without a picture of your brain showing no swelling at all, and one of a perfectly fine spinal cord."

"Okay," Arizona sighs, "You win."

They fall quiet for a moment, while DeLuca stitches her up. "I think this will heal fine, but I can ask Dr. Avery to have a look at it if you want to be sure," he tells her.

She doesn't respond. Her mind is elsewhere. "What happened down there?" she asks. "Who did we lose?"

Her roommate looks at her, his eyes both puzzled and concerned. "What makes you think we lost someone?"

She doesn't look back at him, her gaze is fixated on something she doesn't really register. "Because I could smell it," she just says.

Caught off guard, DeLuca swallows, then coughs nervously. "Edwards," he says. "We lost Edwards. We don't know what happened, just that she was there with that car sex dude, who turned out to be a rapist - the cops were already looking for him. He's dead, too."

For a while Arizona doesn't move, or respond in any way. She just sits there, staring into the distance. Then, finally breaking her gaze, she drops her shoulders a little. She looks defeated.

"I liked Edwards," she sighs quietly. "She was kind of a legend."

... ...

 

 

  _[Stephanie Edwards: Kind of a legend](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEXa6TIsQso) ;-)_


	4. Chapter 4

"Alright, the results are in!" Webber announces as he walks into Arizona's trauma room.

She stretches out her arm. Webber knew beforehand that she would want to see them for herself, and as the results are okay, he doesn't really mind showing them.

"Your scans look good. You're as pretty in the inside as you are on the outside," he grins genuinely. A small attempt to lift the tension a little. "No signs of internal trauma, no damaged organs or blood vessels. No worries."

After a quick look Arizona hands the iPad back to him. She's too tired, scared and sad to cheer. "Now what?" she asks.

"Now we wait for Dr. Shepherd. She will have a look at your brain scans as soon as she's done in the OR," Webber explains to her.

"They're still working on her? Let me..." She forces herself up a little, but Webber gently pushes her back on the bed.

"Let  _them_..." he just says, calm as ever.

Arizona takes a deep breath. "It's been hours. Do we at least know anything? What's going on, who's with her?" she asks desperately.

Webber pulls a stool towards him and takes a seat beside her. "I don't know much yet. Kepner is in there, with Shepherd and Pierce. She's in good hands, Robbins. You have to trust them."

"I do," she tells him. "It's just that..." She falls quiet.

For a moment they just sit there. Then Webber speaks up again, discreetly. "Do people know? About you and Minnick - about the two of you?"

Arizona looks at him. Her wingman. She shrugs. "I don't know, I don't thinks so. But honestly, I don't care if they do."

Webber nods. He carefully grabs her arm and gives it an encouraging squeeze. The next moment Amelia walks in, drawing their attention away from their conversation. She's still wearing her scrub cap and surgical gown. She seems tense, which can't be a good sign.

"Arizona, hi!" She sounds as restless as she looks. "I'm sorry, things are a little crazy. I do have bedside manners, but-"

"Just tell me," Arizona interrupts her.

Amelia sharply inhales. "Okay. I've taken a look at your scans. CT shows no signs of hemorrhage or raised intracranial pressure. Spinal cord and vertebrae look good too. However, I do want to keep you here for tonight, just for observation. You do have a mild concussion, so I want you to take your rest. I'll make them arrange a proper room for you. Depending on the next couple of hours, we might double check with an MRI. But for now, things look good."

Arizona can't hide her skepticism. "If everything looks good, then why the worried face?"

"Oh no, no, I'm not that worried about you," Amelia quickly tries to rectify. "It's Owen, he's got stuff going on."

The answer is not reassuring. "Owen always has stuff going on!" Arizona states. If something is wrong with her, she needs to know. Then, suddenly, she realizes this might not be about her, or Owen for that matter. Her eyes grow big with fear. "Wait, it's Eliza, isn't it?"

Amelia looks confused for a second. "Eliza? Oh right, Minnick! Yeah, no, she ain't doing so well."

Like stung by a bee, both Arizona and Webber sit up straight, looking at Amelia expectantly, eager for an update. Amelia reads the questions in their eyes, although she doesn't get where they suddenly come from or why they care this much. Whatever it is, she can't give them much.

"What? You know I can't tell you anything more. HIPAA and all," she points out, referring to the privacy rules.

Arizona is not willing to let go. "Ah, I think you can. Just for once. How 'bout for that one time she called you Emilio?" she tries to provoke her.

"Like you said, that was once, and she also called me genius!" Amelia laughs.

"Then how about for that time she took my job?" Webber jumps in.

Amelia switches back to being serious. "Oh come on, I've never been dragged into any of that - and I like to keep it that way! Listen, I really can't discuss any details. You're not involved in her case. Or in any other way," Amelia says, before turning around and leaving these Curious Georges behind.

"What if I am...?" Arizona quickly speaks up. Amelia turns around again, her eyes questioning. "...involved?" Arizona quietly adds.

The expression on Amelia's face tells her that she really didn't know. Till now. "You two were in the on-call together!" she exclaims, wide-eyed. "No shit, you're with Minnick? She's... she's your girlfriend?!"

Arizona blinks and leans back again - the upright position is not helping her headache. While carefully rubbing her forehead, she faces Amelia again. "Yeah, kind of. I don't know. It's new. But real! You know?"

"Sure," Amelia answers. She's no stranger to big emotions. Or to jumping in quickly.

"Amelia, please, you have to tell me something," Arizona begs her. "I'm going crazy here. And we both know how that can't be good for my concussion!"

Amelia looks thoughtful for a second. Then she sighs, moves forward and sits on the edge of the bed. Just when she's about to speak up, Webber gets up. "I'll leave you two to it," he says. "After all, she's not  _my_ girlfriend."

As Webber leaves the room, Arizona suddenly starts to feel nervous. Her heart is beating in her throat. She swallows. "It's really bad, isn't it?"

"It looks like she's been unlucky in every possible way," Amelia nods. "She has a skull fracture, that lead to an edema, a swelling of the brain - but I don't need to tell you that. It's under control now, but we need to keep a close watch. We also need to make a CAT scan as soon as she's out of surgery and stable enough."

"No hemorrhage?" Arizona asks.

"Nope, no sign of bleeding in or around the brain tissue," Amelia answers. "But the risk is still there."

"How about her nerve system?"

Amelia shakes her head. "I don't know yet, we need more scans for that as well. And to know for sure-"

"-she has to be awake," Arizona finishes her sentence.

Amelia nods again. "There's more," she continues. "When that weight fell on top of her, some of her organs got compressed. Both her colon and one of her kidneys were ruptured, causing many bleeders, and resulting in hypovolemic shock. Good thing she was like three seconds away from the OR. They were able to replenish the amount of blood she'd lost before circulation failed. Maggie is keeping a close eye on her. So far, her heart seems to be out of trouble."

"And the organs?" Arizona asks.

"Kepner fixed them, got the bleeding under control. Unfortunately there was more internal bleeding around the hip area. Eliza broke some pelvic bones, as well as her femur. When I left the OR, Kepner and Warren were still working on it. It's damage control though. She's gonna need way more treatment for those fractures. When she's out of the woods."

Arizona closes her eyes for a second, processing the information. When she opens them again she looks at Amelia. "Thank you," she says with half a smile.

"Any time. Now you close those eyes again and get some rest, okay? It's just a few hours till morning, we'll see how the both of you are doing by then," Amelia tells her, while getting up. "Don't let me catch you in the hallway!"

Arizona pats the blanket, right next to her injured leg, showing there's nothing underneath. "No worries about that," she grumbles, "I lost something today."

Amelia pulls a face. "To make things worse. Okay, I'll ask DeLuca to bring you your other prosthetic from home. But not till tomorrow morning!" And with that, she leaves the room.

 

* * *

 

 Five hours later the sun is up again, and Amelia is back - just like she promised.

"How are you feeling?" she asks her, while she shines a bright light into her eyes. "Did you sleep well?"

They'd given her a decent room, and some acetaminophen for her headache. No meds for sleeping though, because of the concussion. But Arizona had been more than fine with that, since she'd been dreaming about helicopters flying over without finding them - nightmares she gladly woke up from.

"I did," she lies. "I'm fine."

Amelia writes something down, then looks up again. "How's the headache?" she asks.

"Still there, but under control," Arizona answers truthfully.

"Good," Amelia says. "I'm not keeping you here any longer, but I'm not giving you clearance to work either. You need way more rest. I'll see you again in a couple of days. Okay?"

Arizona nods. "Okay," she accepts without protest.

She carefully jumps off the edge of the bed she's been sitting on. DeLuca has brought her the prosthetic earlier this morning and, as it turns out, her injured leg doesn't give her much trouble either. It feels good to stand on both legs again. Too bad it's the only thing that feels good right now. Arizona faces Amelia.

"How is she?" she asks.

"She's fighting," Amelia starts to tell. "She had a minor subarachnoid hemorrhage, but I got it right away. No more circulation problems. Maggie said that her heart seems really strong. So that's a good thing. Kepner controlled all the bleeders. They packed her up, she's in the ICU right now. We're keeping her there for the next twenty-four hours, heavily sedated and closely monitored. Hopefully she's able to recuperate. There's a lot of damage. We'll see how it goes, and we go from there."

Arizona nods once again. "Can I see her?"

"Yes, you can. I already asked Kepner, she's okay with it as well. I had to inform her about the two of you though, I hope that's okay?"

"That's fine," Arizona says.

They leave the room together. Fortunately, Arizona doesn't experience much trouble with walking. Her leg feels a little sore, but hasn't lost any strength. They separate their ways when they reach the elevator. Amelia turns toward her.

"You're okay on your own?" she asks.

Arizona smiles at her, just to reassure her. "I'm fine," she repeats herself.

  

* * *

 

 She hates this part of the hospital. Luckily she doesn't have to be here too often, since the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit is on another floor. And when she does have to be in one of these rooms, she's there as Dr. Robbins instead of Arizona. For some reason, that always helps.

But now she's just Arizona again. Visiting. Also again. She finds Eliza in the exact same room - what are the chances? She can already see her through the glass window, although the blinds are blocking parts of the view. She opens the door, about to step in. But she can't. She freezes.

From where she's standing, everything - everything! - looks the same. The big bed that suddenly makes her look small. The tube in her throat. The bandage that's wrapped around her head. The wires, the machines, the monitors... It's all too familiar.

  

> _There's nothing she can do. She's a doctor - a damn good one! - and there's absolutely nothing she can do. She just sits there, in that horrible room, right next to her. For hours. For days. While nothing happens._
> 
> _She holds her, but there's no response. She talks to her, but there are no answers. Nothing happens._
> 
> _She listens to the_ _beeping of the machines. They are not loud enough to suppress the voices, all those voices, including her own. Those alarming voices that keep echoing in her head._
> 
> _"... she's gonna bleed to death."_ _"We're losing her!"_ _"You don't get a say. You're not anything, you're nothing!"_ _"Her pressure is bottoming out!"_ _"We've got blood!"_ _"Its too soon to tell anything."_ _"I'm not getting a heartbeat!"_ _"We've done everything we can..."_ _"Can you live? Can you live for me? Please? Live for me?!" "N_ _ow we just have to wait for her to wake up."_
> 
> _There's nothing she can do. She just sits there, in that room. For hours. For days._

 

"Arizona?"

She blinks - slowly. She realizes she's still on the doorstep. She's still holding the door handle. Her palms are sweaty. Her mouth is dry. She feels a soft hand on her shoulder.

"Arizona? Are you okay?"

She turns around, almost in slow motion, to face that familiar voice. It's Teddy. Teddy, who's watching her with a worried look on her face. "Hey, what's going on?" she asks her.

Arizona stares at her, hardly realizing she's facing a friend she hasn't seen in years. "I- I can't do this again," she mumbles. "I can't go in there."

... ...


	5. Chapter 5

"So you and Callie got divorced? Wow, did  _not_  see that coming!"

They are sitting in the attendings' lounge, where Teddy had taken the somewhat numbed Arizona after their unexpected reunion in the hallway. Teddy had made her sit down, given her some water and a few minutes to recover. When Arizona had finally returned to the here and now, she had explained that Teddy hadn't caught her on a random patient's doorstep; the woman she was about to visit, was the woman she was dating these days.

"Yes, almost three years ago," Arizona fills her in. "You know about the plane crash, right? That happened around the same time as when you left. At that time we'd already been through so much, and in the years after we had quite a lot to deal with as well, but in retrospect I think that crash was the beginning of the end for us. We both tried so hard to move on, but the truth is that we weren't the same people anymore. We did move on, but - as it turned out - in different directions."

Teddy sighs. "I'm so sad to hear that. I guess there's never a guarantee, huh? Things can look so perfect, so promising... and then life just gets in the way. Messing it all up."

Arizona just nods. That's exactly as it is. They stay quiet for a second, both lost in their own thoughts. Then a soft smile appears on Teddy's face. "So? Who's this new woman in your life?" she asks, a curious sparkle in her eyes.

Arizona looks up at her. Despite everything that's going on, her face lights up a little.

"Eliza," she answers. "We met a few month ago, she's a surgeon as well. Ortho. Yes, I know, apparently I've got a thing for them. She's here as a consultant though, to improve the residency program."

"Well, I'm really glad you found someone who makes you happy again. I assume she does - make you happy?"

"She does. We only just started dating. Like officially she isn't even my girlfriend or anything, but we've got a lot of fun. I really like being around her. Being with her," Arizona says, her eyes drifting away a little, looking dreamy.

Teddy's face turns serious again. "Yet something stopped you from getting into that room. Why is she in there anyway? Is she sick?"

A deep sigh escapes Arizona's lips. "Did you hear about that explosion yesterday?"

Teddy nods. Arizona continues: "We were there. Just one floor above. I'm okay, but Eliza got badly injured."

"You don't seem okay," Teddy remarks.

Arizona subconsciously lifts her hand to her forehead, carefully touching the bandage that covers her stitches. "This? Oh, it's nothing. It will heal in no time."

"That's not what I mean. I hardly recognized you when you were standing in that doorway. Pale. Shaking. You looked like you were about to freak out. I've never seen you like that before." Teddy bends forward a little and takes Arizona's hand. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

"Yea- yeah, of course I do. And I appreciate it. But really, I'm fine. It's nothing," Arizona tries to convince her friend, although with little success. "I just got a bit overwhelmed. And this concussion made my head spin. I probably just need a little more time to recover. I'll go back tomorrow."

It's hard to tell if Teddy buys any of it. She just nods. "I'll come with you." Arizona gives her a small, yet grateful smile. Teddy softly squeezes her hand. "Don't be too hard on yourself, okay?"

Arizona takes a deep breath and drops her shoulders a little. A small attempt to relax her body. Then she suddenly sits straight up again and looks at Teddy, her eyes full of questions. "So what made you return here all of a sudden?" she asks her long last friend.

Teddy leans back in her chair. "Owen," she answers. "Or his sister, actually."

Arizona looks puzzled. "The one who died?"

"Yep, that one. Megan. Except that she didn't die. They found her. She's been through hell - for years. They broke her down, in every possible way," Teddy explains.

"That's horrible!" Arizona exclaims. "I mean, it's great that they found her of course, but jeez... How's Owen doing?"

"I'm not sure. In shock? And, knowing Owen a little too well, probably blaming himself for giving up on her," Teddy sighs.

"And you? How are you? She was your friend too, right? And then being back here, seeing Owen again. You two have quite the history."

"I'm okay. I moved on. Apparently I needed to fly across the world to do so, but it worked," Teddy starts to tell, referring to her complicated, pretty much one-sided relationship with Owen. "I've been doing fine these last years. But you know, even if I hadn't... I still would have jumped on that airplane. No doubt. Not just to bring one friend home, but also to see the other. To see if he needs anything. Cause this isn't about me, or about how we ended things. This is about how we started things - way in the past. Me, Owen, Megan, Nathan. The four of us, we go really far back, and it was solid. It was good, despite all the bad. And in the end that's what remains. The good." She stops abruptly, looking a little embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling."

Arizona shoots forward, ignoring her spinning head. "Please, don't apologize! This is big. I can't even imagine how this must feel like."

"It's a true rollercoaster," Teddy admits.

As Arizona gets up, a little more careful now, she looks down at her friend. "Where are you staying?" she asks her.

Teddy shrugs. "I haven't even thought about that yet. I think I just get a room in that hotel across the street."

"Nope, you stay with me," Arizona decides, in that same way she once simply decided they were friends. "Let's go."

  

* * *

 

 Another day, another chance, Arizona tells herself as she walks through the hallway towards the ICU - determined to do better.

Yesterday, when they'd reached her place, Teddy had made her go to bed straight away, despite Arizona's objections. She'd wanted to be a good hostess, but Teddy wouldn't take no for an answer and Arizona had been too tired to fight her. She had slept for almost twelve hours, and even though she'd been haunted by nightmares again, she did feel better when she woke up. Physically, at least.

So now she is ready to try again. Plus, Teddy is with her. What could go wrong?

Yet, once at Eliza's room, she suddenly stops. The door is open, showing the exact same image as the day before.

>   _"We are losing her!"_

Arizona stumbles backwards, almost tripping over her own feet.

>   _"You're not anything!"_

She moves back further. And faster. For Christ sake, what's wrong with her?

> _"We've done everything we can..."_

She collapses forward, leaning with her hands on her knees as she tries to keep her balance, while gasping for air. She feels as if she resurfaced the water after being under for way too long; whatever she does, there's just not enough air. Her head is spinning and Arizona knows it's not the concussion this time. She feels a hand on her back, and one on her arm, and she realizes it's Teddy who carefully leads her toward a row of chairs opposite Eliza's room. Arizona drops herself on it.

Teddy's voice sounds miles away. "Okay lady, whatever is going on with you, you are not okay!" she states. "Tell me what you need. What can I do for you?"

Arizona barely hears her, let alone knows the answers to her questions. She needs all her focus to just keep breathing. Teddy hands her a glass of water - did she actually leave to get it? She accepts the glass and slowly takes some sips, as if on autopilot. She's still not able to really focus on her surroundings, although she vaguely realizes Teddy is still trying to get her attention.

"Arizona!" she calls, trying to make her snap out of whatever place she finds herself in. She carefully takes her face in her hands and turns it towards her, forcing her to look at her. "Arizona, look at me. Look at me!"

Arizona swallows and wets her lips a little - her mouth feels too dry to talk - then looks Teddy in the eyes.

"I don't know what's going on, but whatever it is, it might get more complicated."

Arizona's eyes narrow. What is Teddy talking about? "Wh- what...?" she stumbles.

Teddy nods her head to the side. "Callie is here."

 

* * *

 

Callie passes the nurses station of the ICU and slowly walks in their direction, although she doesn't seem to notice them; her eyes are on the iPad in her hands, probably reading some patient's charts. Fully focused, yet able to avoid walking into anything or anyone.

Even though the picture of Callie being in this hospital right now doesn't make any sense, Arizona feels relieved by it. Watching Callie walk around like this, alive and kicking, is enough for now to finally make the horrible image of that awful room disappear. It brings her back to the present, albeit confused.

"Callie!" she calls out, while standing up instinctively.

Callie looks up from her screen. "Arizona! Hey!" she exclaims, "I was hoping I'd run into you." Then she notices Teddy as well, making her face light up even more. "And Teddy! Wow, reunion much?"

"What are you doing here? Is everything okay? Is Sofia okay?" Arizona asks, suddenly feeling worried.

"Sofia is fine," Callie responds while closing the distance between them. "I'm here for work. Bailey flew me in. She told me it was about one of our own, so there was no question there, right? I don't know her though. One doctor... wait, let me check..." She scrolls back to the top of the file. "Dr. Minnick?"

"Eliza," Arizona sighs.

Callie quickly looks down again to double check. "Yep, that's her. Eliza Minnick. You know her?"

Arizona swallows, then nods. "I do," she sighs again, before dropping back in her seat. "I am, uh... I'm kinda with her."

"Oh!" Callie exclaims. The news seems to catch her off guard. She seems in doubt for a second, but sits down then as well. "I'm sorry to hear that. I mean, I'm sorry to hear that you - that the two of you - are in this situation. I'm just going over her charts, and I'm not happy with what I'm reading."

"What's her status?" Teddy asks.

"According to this," Callie starts, while tapping the iPad, "she's doing better. No more bleeders for the last sixteen hours. But she's far from stable. I'm afraid she's not strong enough for major surgery, but we can't wait much longer either, because of the many risks. We've already lost so much time."

Without too much thinking, Callie hands the iPad to Teddy. The X-rays and CT scans show a lot of bone injury. While Teddy quickly scrolls from one image to another, Callie continues.

"She has multiple pelvic fractures, plus displaced pelvic ring disruptions, and a hip fracture. A small part of her hip bone and a larger part of her femur bone got shattered. There's nothing left there. In theory, there's nothing there that can't be fixed though. Regarding those fractures, I mean. But right now, I'm worried about other things. Soft tissue infection, mainly. If we get in there too late, w-"

 

> _She can hear them talk, behind the curtain. Owen and some stranger._
> 
> _"No matter what we do-" That's the stranger. A woman._
> 
> _"-if the infection goes into the bone, it will be hard to treat." That's Owen, finishing her sentence._
> 
> _The woman agrees. "And eventually, you're looking at bone loss."_
> 
> _She knows where they're going. If this was a time to joke, she would say she could feel it in her bones. But it isn't. This is real, and serious, and about her._
> 
> _"Don't say it," she prays. "Don't say it!"_
> 
> _"I'm gonna have to say-" Her prayers aren't heard. "Officially I'm recommending amputation."_

 

"-seems like they got the internal bleeding under control right now, but there's still no guarantee there, with all this damage. In case of any more hemorrhage, associated with these kind of fractures, I would say delaying surgery can be disastrous."

> _"I withhold consent. I withhold consent, before you drug me or sedate me. I give nobody permission to cut off my leg. I want to go home, to Callie. She'll know what to do. Just take me home."_

"But then again, there are many risks coming with the surgery as well. Wound infection, fixation failure, blood clots. And I'm not even talking about the vulnerable situation within the pelvis; the abdominal organs, the blood vessels, the nerves. It's very complicated. So I need to talk to... let's see who's in charge of this case."

"I think it's Kepner," Teddy responds. Neither of them seem to notice they'd lost Arizona somewhere in this conversation.

"Yes, Kepner," Callie confirms. "I need to find her. And maybe Shepherd as well. To make a surgical plan."

  _"Do we have a plan yet? Do we?"_

> _"We are waiting for the infection to improve and then we will know what options we have."_

Teddy exhales sharply. "So, basically every minute can be too early, but every minute can be too late, too?" she summarizes Callie's explanation.

Callie nods. "It's a devil's dilemma."

>   _"You know what your life is going to be! You know if you're going to take her to the park, or if you're gonna stand at an OR table again."_

"Worst case scenario?" Teddy asks.

>   _"Do something, Callie! You need to do something! Please! Please, don't give up on me! Promise me - promise me you won't let them take my leg!"_

Before Callie can answer, Arizona's head shoots up.

"Don't you say it!" she tells her. Her voice sounds hoarse, and she still doesn't look directly at them. "Just... don't you dare say it!"

>   _"I promise. I do, I promise, okay? I promise you!"_

Her body is completely tense. Her hands are trembling. She squeezes them into tight fists, trying to keep control. It's not working.

"Don't make her lose it, too. You hear me? Please, don't!" she pleads, with tears rolling down her face. She finally looks Callie in the eyes.

"I'm begging you, don't cut off her leg."

... ...


	6. Chapter 6

Arizona doesn't leave her seat. She doesn't get into Eliza's room. She doesn't get up to get an update. She just sits there, with Teddy right next to her.

They don't talk, except for the moment when Arizona asks Teddy if she doesn't need to see Megan, or Owen. But Teddy reassures her that they are taken good care of. Nathan is with them, and so is Meredith. "Right now," Teddy tells her, "I don't need to be anywhere but here."

In the end it is Callie who comes to inform them: they are not going to wait any longer, Eliza is going into surgery within an hour. Pre-op already started. She doesn't beat around the bush. Yes, it's gonna be tricky. And no, Arizona can not be anywhere near the OR, including the gallery - Callie needs her full focus.

"I will always want the very best for you. I hope you know that," she tells Arizona. Her voice sounds warm, yet resolute. "But when I'm in there, I'll need to think of the very best for  _her_. I can't think of anything else than that. I can not base my decisions on anything else. There can't be any distractions."

Arizona nods. She knows Callie is right. She knows she needs to trust her.

"Will you call us when you're done?" Teddy asks Callie.

"That I can do," Callie promises. And with that, she leaves them again, ready to prepare for surgery.

Teddy gets up from her seat and kneels down in front of Arizona, gently resting her hand on her right knee. "What do you want?" she asks her.

Arizona doesn't respond, she just keeps staring in the distance. It's not that she doesn't know what she wants. She asked herself the exact same question hours ago and the answer didn't only sneak into her head right away, but seems to have found a nice and cozy place in there as well. The answer is easy: she wants to go. She wants to run away from all of this, leave it behind her and be done with it. Anything to not go through any of this all over again.

But she knows that's too horrible to say out loud. So instead she just gets up, so abruptly that it almost makes Teddy fall backwards.

"I need a drink," she simply states.

Teddy looks up at her, flabbergasted. "Are you insane? You have a concussion!" she exclaims.

"A  _mild_  concussion," Arizona corrects her. "Which is almost gone anyway."

"You know that's bullshit! Besides, it's lunchtime!"

Arizona grabs her coat from her chair and puts it on. "So? I'll go to Joe's. It's always midnight there."

Joe's bar, officially the Emerald City Bar, is the bar right across from the hospital. Due to the constant night-shifts at Grey-Sloan, people come and go there pretty much 24/7, and Joe gave up on not serving them beers and shots on inappropriate hours ages ago.

"But no worries," she continues, "if you want me to have lunch as well, I will order some peanuts, too."

As Arizona starts making her way to the elevators, Teddy - still on the floor - quickly gets up and runs after her. "You're acting crazy, I can't let you go there!"

"Try to stop me," Arizona reacts, not slowing down her pace at all.

"Arizona!" Teddy desperately calls out.

Arizona turns around to face Teddy. "Look, you can stay here or come with me. I really don't care. But please, just... shut up! Okay?" Without waiting for Teddy's response, she turns around again and continues her march through the hallway.

Teddy sighs. Whatever self-destruction button Arizona just hit, it's strong. And determined. And  _very_  worrying. Which is why there's really only one thing she can do right now: following Arizona to the one place she shouldn't be right now.

 

* * *

 

_I wish I could lay down beside you, when the day is done. And wake up to your face against the morning sun.  
_ _But like everything I've ever known you disappear one day. So I spend my whole life hiding my heart away._

The music is not helping. But the drinks certainly are, and in an attempt to ignore those melodramatic lyrics, as well as her own thoughts, she calls the unknown bartender to order another shot. "Uno más!" she yells to him over the music. One thing that remained from her life with Callie is the fact that she still talks Spanish when she's drinking.

The bartender puts another shot of aguardiente in front of her. "Firewater for lunch, you must have a pretty strong stomach," he grins.

"Shut up and change your music, will you?" she replies, more snarky than she intends to, and thus quickly showing him a playful smile as well. He winks at her and makes his way to the music installation, leaving her by herself.

Except that she's not really by herself, as Teddy sits right next to her. She's catching up with Joe. It looks like he's got her full attention, but Arizona knows that Teddy is keeping an eye on her. She doesn't really care. Instead she empties her tiny glass in one quick gulp - now wouldn't it be great if everything in life tasted like anise?! - and puts it next to the three others in front of her, like she's collecting them.

Arizona doesn't feel the urge to join Teddy's conversation, or any other conversation for that matter. She's done with talking, and done with thinking as well. Unfortunately it's the thinking-part that seems to be beyond her control. Especially because these damn glasses are so small. As she looks up in some automatic response to the new music, her eyes find those of the bartender again; she gives him a thumbs-up as a thank you, then points at her glass one more time.

_"No thank you" is what I should've said, I should be in bed_

Maybe she should get a job here? She suddenly remembers how Yang tried that once; something she never understood, but now she does. Why live your life around sick and dying people all the time? Why live your life in the rain, when there's sun pretty much everywhere else? She could go to Hawaii, or to the Caribbean. They've got awesome drinks there, she thinks, as she empties her fifth shot.

_But temptations of trouble on my tongue, troubles yet to come_

Oh, and hot girls! Just as hot as... that girl on the other side of the bar. Did she just get here? No, she has a small collection of tiny glasses as well. Arizona is winning though.

_One sip, bad for me_

As she gets lost in her thoughts about a problem-free life, with cocktails and palm trees (ooh, and hammocks!), she starts to build a little pyramid; three glasses upside down, then two on top of them - just to realize she's one short. When she looks up again she catches the girl looking at her. Smiling at her.

_One hit, bad for me_

Arizona can't help but smile back. God, she's gorgeous, with that shiny, dark hair and those deep, dark eyes. Maybe she's from Hawaii? Or the Caribbean? Maybe she wants to come along with her?

_One kiss, bad for me_

They don't play the 'see if she's looking and if she's looking pretend you're not looking'-game. Instead, they just keep looking at each other. Like a staring game, except way less creepy. Arizona unconsciously bites her lower lip, while this silent conversation continues.

_But I give in so easily_

There's a thought in her head that tries to get her attention, but it has to make its way through five aguardientes; it won't be here in time, and Arizona is glad for that. Especially when this girl gets up and walks straight toward her.

_And no thank you is how it should've gone_

She doesn't say anything, she just stretches out her arm and places one of her glasses on top of Arizona's pyramid to-be. To do so, she gets very close to Arizona. She lingers for a second, her mouth close to Arizona's ear.

"Done," she quietly says, followed by a mischievous smile.

_I should stay strong_

Without saying anything else she walks away again, towards the bathroom. Before she gets in, she glances over her shoulder, just briefly. Then she disappears.

_But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?_

Arizona watches herself get up and make her way across the bar; her surroundings quickly becoming a little blurry as she does so.

_Boy, oh boy, I love it when I fall for that_

_I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?_

As she gets in there and closes the door behind her, the music fades away. There she is, the top-of-the-pyramid girl. Her eyes even darker than they looked before. Her lips made for kissing.

Arizona still doesn't feel like talking. She swallows - her mouth feels dry all of a sudden - then quickly closes the space between them. Without a word she presses her lips on those of this beautiful stranger, while cupping her face and pressing her backwards a little, until they hit a wall.

Their kiss is wet and rough and everything it should be right now. Their breathing quickly becomes heavy. Their hands are as eager as their mouths; pulling each other in by the waist, getting lost in their hair, and - as they easily find their way - on their skin. Their bodies rock into each other, making her feel good - so good - but not good enough. She needs more.

Arizona grabs her instant lover by the hand and pulls her into one of the stalls with her. Now she's the one who gets pushed against a wall. And she's not complaining. Their hungry lips find each other again, crashing into each other like they want to make up for that five seconds break.

She can feel experienced hands roam over her back, before they eventually sneak under her top and start to explore the naked skin underneath. She can feel those amazing lips move to her throat, to the base of her neck, then back up again towards her ear.

"What do you want?"

That husky voice is enough to drive anyone crazy, and the hot breath against her skin makes her shiver.

She clears her throat. "I want you to make me..." She wets her lips again. "I want you to make me forget."

"Forget what?"

Without thinking Arizona grasps the girl's hand and presses it against her throbbing core. "Everything," she gasps, before she closes her eyes - surrendering.

_... but I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?_

When she opens them again - a little dazed, she realizes she's still sitting at the bar. There's a little pyramid of six tiny glasses in front of her. There's someone waiting for her behind door number one.

"Teddy?" she calls. Her voice sounds almost like a whisper, but her chaperone is alert.

"Yeah?" Teddy reacts at once.

Arizona clears her throat - this time for real - and turns towards her friend. "Take me away from here."

 

* * *

 

"Here, drink this!" Teddy tells Arizona, as she puts a big mug of hot coffee on the kitchen table between them. She'd already made her walk all the way home, and the fresh air had indeed helped a lot, but sobering up is not complete without the home-edition of the banana bag: caffeine. "Drink and talk. And fifty push-ups every time I hear you say that you're fine."

Arizona can't help but laugh. "Desert Storm Barbie in tha house!"

"You know it!" Teddy grins, then continues on a serious tone, "Really though, talk woman. What's eating you?"

Arizona sighs. Her eyes are on her coffee. When she speaks up, she sounds lost. "I don't know. Something is taking over. It just sneaks up on me, you know. All the time, whether I'm awake or asleep. Memories. Flashbacks. I- I don't know. It's terrifying and I can't stop it."

Teddy nods understandingly. "Sounds like trauma. Which makes sense, you've been through a hell of a lot over the past years."

"But why now?" Arizona asks. "I've always been okay. I mean, of course I had a tough time dealing with some of those situations, and consequences, but I've always left things behind me pretty quick. You know, you swallow a couple of times, dry your tears and turn your back on it. Face forward."

"To the next disaster?" Teddy asks dryly.

"Well, yeah. Something like that," Arizona mumbles, while hiding behind her cup a bit.

Teddy reaches over the table so she can lower Arizona's hand. She looks her in the eyes. "Arizona, how often do you think you can do that? Leaving things behind you, like they didn't happen? That's one thing when it's about our crazy-stupid job, but we're talking about your own life here. Things that happened to  _you._ "

"So, what are you saying? That it's wrong to move forward?" Arizona questions, a little defensive.

"No, of course not. You should move forward," Teddy reacts calmly. "But you can't sweep your misery under the carpet and be surprised that it's still there when you lift that same carpet years later."

Arizona sighs again. "And that's what I did? I lifted the carpet?"

"Well,  _you_  didn't, of course - but the explosion might have. Trauma can stay hidden for ages, till something happens and everything just... resurfaces. A trigger. The explosion might have been your trigger."

"The scenery surely didn't help," Arizona murmurs. She takes a sip from her coffee, which burns her mouth in a whole different way than her previous drink. It's good, though. She looks up at Teddy again. "So, you seem to know quite a lot about the subject. What do I do now?" she asks.

Teddy exhales deeply. "It's complicated. And different for everyone. Unfortunately the ABC's won't help you here, intubation won't solve it. Neither does twenty-four hours of sedation... I'm no expert, but I've heard therapy or counseling can be very helpful, especially EMDR."

Arizona raises her eyebrows. "The eye thing?"

Teddy nods. "Yep. It's supposed to be a very effective method. But you know, not everyone needs it. For some, it's enough to change some habits - starting with taking really good care of yourself. You know, lots of exercise, no alcohol," she starts to sum up, giving Arizona a stern look, quickly followed by a forgiving wink, "and expressing yourself a bit more. Talk. Cry! Reach out to the people around you. And get it out of your system."

"How do you get something out if it keeps getting back in?" Arizona groans, clearly frustrated. "If there are triggers everywhere?"

"I'm not sure," Teddy quietly answers, "but I think you might need to face those triggers. People who deal with anxiety benefit a lot from exposure therapy, by learning how to approach their fears with a different mindset. Finding out, albeit the hard way, that there's nothing to be scared of."

Arizona puts her cup down, spilling half of her coffee. "But I don't want to approach anything! I just want..."

She doesn't finish her sentence. Teddy leans forward a little. "What, Arizona? What do you want?"

A deep sigh escapes Arizona's lips. She starts biting them and averts her eyes, feeling ashamed. Or exhausted. Or maybe both. "I just wanna go," she mutters underneath her breath. She forces herself to look at Teddy again, who stays quiet, knowing there's more to come. "I know it sounds horrible," she goes on, a little louder now, "but yes, I wanna bail - once again."

"Why?" Teddy simply asks her.

"Because I can't handle this right now! I was finally doing better, doing well again!" Arizona cries out.

"Yes, because of  _her_ ," Teddy points out. "This should be the one thing you want to hold on to, not push away!"

As she opens her mouth to disagree, Arizona realizes she has nothing. Turning your back on the good things in life, on the people who matter, does sound pretty stupid. Yet before she can admit that, they get interrupted by the beeping of Teddy's phone.

She gets it out of her pocket and checks the screen, before looking up at Arizona. "You might wanna answer this one," she says. "It's Callie."

... ...


	7. Chapter 7

Callie saved the leg! Arizona doesn't know much else yet, but she really needed to know at least this, and Callie had been willing to tell her right away: she didn't had to cut, the leg was saved. And for now that was all that mattered.

They agree to meet in an hour, since Callie isn't done with Post-op yet. As soon as she ends the phone call, Arizona quickly gets up to take a shower - the last step to really sober up.

And it works. About fifteen minutes later she feels reborn. When she walks back into the kitchen, Teddy looks up at her from some paperwork.

"You look much better!" she smiles.

"I feel much better too," Arizona nods, sharing a genuine smile. "Thank you. For taking care of me. I know I went a little crazy today."

Teddy gets up from her seat to face Arizona. She brushes a wet strand of hair off her friend's forehead. "Hey, everyone is allowed to go a little crazy sometimes," she says as she pulls Arizona in for a hug. When she lets go again, she looks at her from up close. "So, you still want to run away?"

Arizona shakes her head. "No. And to be honest, I don't even know if I ever really wanted that. I mean, the thought crept up on me - maybe because it seems to be the easiest option? - but I don't think I actually would be able to do it. Like, the thought is in my head, but it's not my own idea. You know? It's like this impulse, trying to trick me into something." She makes a face. "Does that sound totally weird?"

"No, it doesn't," Teddy responds. "When it comes to fear, or panic, our very first reactions are almost impossible to control. In general, it's either fight or flight. And hardly anyone can consciously decide what to do at that point. So it wouldn't be fair to judge yourself on that first instinct. It's about what you do next, when you're actually in control again."

"I wanna fight. I'm  _gonna_  fight," Arizona decides, sounding determined. "I mean, I have no clue how, but I know I want to."

Teddy gently places her hand on Arizona's shoulder. "And I know you can," she tells her. "You're so much stronger than you think. So much braver."

Arizona raises her eyebrow. "I think you're mistaking me for Winnie the Pooh!"

"Shut up!" Teddy laughs. "Listen, I know right now you still see yourself as this runner, as the one who bails. But you have to give yourself some credits. You are not that person anymore. You have been fighting so much these last years. You fought for the hospital. You fought for your child's custody. You fought for this full-worthy life, in which there's pretty much nothing you can't do. All these situations that you could have turned your back on. But you didn't."

"I didn't," Arizona repeats.

"You didn't," Teddy emphasizes once more, "because you're courageous. And tough..."

"...and awesome," Arizona grins.

Teddy bursts into laughter. "So awesome!"

They both sit down at the kitchen table, still giggling. Yet just thinking about the next step quickly makes Arizona's smile fade away again. She swallows to get rid of the sudden lump in her throat. "I'm still scared though," she admits. "What do I do when those flashbacks sneak up again?"

"I'm not sure," Teddy answers honestly. "I would think the trick is to stay in the present. Talk yourself through it, try to keep reminding yourself that the things that you're facing today don't have anything to do with the past. And that the future is still blank. It doesn't have to be bad. In fact, it might just as well be really good."

Arizona looks pensive, then slowly nods as her thoughts go back to this morning. "Like when I saw Callie today, being very much alive. It was as if that image woke me up, because the scary picture in my head suddenly didn't make sense anymore."

Nodding understandingly Teddy opens her mouth to respond, but she gets interrupted by her phone. As she excuses herself and answers the call, Arizona gets her own phone from her purse and calls for a cab, since her car is still parked at the hospital. When Teddy finishes her short conversation, Arizona looks at her, her eyes questioning.

"It's Megan," Teddy explains. "She's asking for me."

"You're going to see her?" Arizona asks.

Teddy shrugs. "Would that be okay? I don't want to abandon you."

"Of course it's okay!" Arizona exclaims. "That's why you're here in the first place. Go! Go see your friend. I'll be fine - really!"

Teddy looks at her, examining, then moves to the hall to get her coat. Back in the kitchen she faces Arizona again. "Don't do this alone. When you get there, tell Callie. Or Bailey. Someone. Let people help you!"

"Yes, Mom!" Arizona promises, as she softly pushes Teddy towards the door, while grabbing her own coat on the way out as well. When she closes the front door behind her it turns out she doesn't really need it though. The sun is out!

  

* * *

 

They meet at one of the benches in front of the hospital, just like Arizona had asked for.

"Is this the new consult area?" Callie asks as she walks up to her. Arizona hands her an Americano from the coffeeshop across the street. Callie accepts it with a big smile. "You're a lifesaver," she sighs.

"Well, actually I hope you are. How is she? Did you really save it - her leg?" Arizona asks, still a little anxious.

Callie sits down next to her. "She's good. Stable, even. There were no complications. Zero! No more bleeders for over twenty-four hours now. Don't know how many staples they used, but both Kepner and Shepherd did a good job there."

Arizona exhales. "And her leg?"

"We got there in time," Callie answers. "Lots of damage, but mainly to the bones. No more broken veins or blood vessels. No infections yet. Could have been way worse!"

"Were you able to fix it - the damage?"

Callie nods. "A part of it." Then, as a reaction to Arizona's facial expression, quickly adding, "No, no, don't be scared! It's all part of the surgical plan. For now I fixed the pelvic and hip fractures, and I fixated the comminuted fractures in her hip and femur bone; we're temporarily holding them together with a bunch of wires and metal plates - sorry, I won't bother you with all the details. Let's say I did what I could for this first procedure, but she'll need more surgeries when she's a little stronger."

"Will you stay here? To perform them?" Arizona asks.

"No, I need to go back to New York. Dr. Carlson will take over. I'll stay in touch with him, but by the looks of it there's really nothing to worry about. She has a long way to go, but I can't think of any reason why she wouldn't be able to walk again."

Arizona makes a face. "Except for the nerves...?"

"Well, yeah, that's the only thing we don't really know yet," Callie admits. "Hopefully she wakes up before I go. I would be very happy to hear about her wiggling toes before I board a plane!"

"They don't keep her sedated any longer?" Arizona asks, a little surprised.

Callie shakes her head. "Nope. It's all up to her now. I expect it will take some time, but in theory she can wake up any moment. Which brings me to the following question: why are we sitting here and not next to her bed?"

Arizona sits up straight and stares at the parking lot in front of her. She clears her throat. "It's that room. Every time I get there, I'm getting this... panic attacks? Or something. Did you know that used to be your room... back then?"

"Yes. It's a shitty one, isn't it?" Callie smiles sympathetically. Arizona doesn't answer. Callie takes her hand to make her look at her, which she doesn't. "Arizona, I'm not in there anymore. I'm here, and I'm okay. And you know why?"

Arizona finally faces her, awaiting.

"Because you were there," her ex-wife continues. "You woke me up! The thing is, that room isn't so bad when you're asleep. I'm pretty sure every single patient in that room knows somewhere deep down that things are bearable as long as you're not awake. There's no pain yet, no fear. So why would any sane person give up on that? What reason would be worth facing that pain for? I tell you: it's you! You are someone to wake up for."

For a second Arizona just looks at her, out of words. Callie can tell she's looking for them though, and she doesn't wait for her to come up with a possible excuse. Instead she suddenly gets up, without letting go of Arizona's hand, and pulls her up from the bench.

"Come on," she simply tells her. "Go wake up your girl!"

 

* * *

 

 She looks at her through the window. To her relief, the view is a little less scary. Eliza's head is still wrapped up in bandages, and she's also still hooked to some machines, but there are definitely less of those than before. They removed the tube from her throat as well.

Arizona moves to the door and opens it, letting the sounds of the room - the beeping and buzzing of those machines - in. She takes her time; she doesn't look straight to the injuries, but watches the slow rising and falling of Eliza's chest instead. She actually looks kinda peaceful, Arizona thinks, as she takes a step forward. There are no voices this time, except for Teddy's.

_This does not have anything to do with the past._

She looks over her shoulder at Callie, who stayed behind in the hallway. Callie gives her an encouraging nod. Teddy has been right about more than one thing these days: in the end it's not about how things ended, it's the good that remains...  
She smiles back at Callie, telling her both 'thank you' and 'I am okay', before she takes another step forward.

Okay, so far, so good, she tells herself. She's in the room. And she's fine. Taking a deep breath, she moves herself closer to the bed. To Eliza, who's covered in bruises, but who's also still Eliza.

_This is about the present, not the past._

She looks at the monitors, which are easy to read for her as a doctor. Easy and reassuring. Heart rhythm, blood pressure... it all looks good.

She reaches the bed. There are no more steps to take. Arizona finally sits down.

"Hey you," she quietly starts, as she carefully takes Eliza's hand in her own. "I'm sorry I'm a little late. Seems like I left you in good hands though. You've got a great team of doctors around you. They're all saying you're doing so well. And that you're strong. Apparently you need to survive an explosion before they're willing to give you some compliments, huh!" Arizona lets out a semi-sarcastic chuckle. "I'm sorry, that's not funny. I'm afraid nothing really is at the moment. Don't wait up till the jokes are back though. Just come back soon and make them yourself again. Okay?"

She looks at Eliza. At her face that doesn't move, doesn't react to her words. This must be the first time ever that she doesn't comment on anything, or anyone. Till now Arizona felt like Eliza was the kind of person who's always aware, always ready to jump in - even when she's asleep. But right now, she doesn't.

A sigh escapes her.

"I miss you," she whispers, softly squeezing the hand that she's holding. "Isn't that weird? How quickly you can miss someone? But I do. I really do."

Her voice fades off and for a while the only sound in the room is the constant beeping of the machines. Arizona keeps her eyes on Eliza, until a soft knocking makes her look over her shoulder. It's Callie, standing at the doorway.

"You're good?" she asks, a concerned look on her face.

"I'm good," Arizona nods.

"Alright. I'm going to get something to eat. Do you want anything?" Callie asks.

Arizona shakes her head. "No thanks, I'm fine."

"Okay. I'm off with Kepner. Call us if you need anything!"

"Will do," Arizona promises, before Callie closes the door and leaves her alone with Eliza again.

"That's your orthopedic surgeon," Arizona tells Eliza. "She has to leave soon, so that's another reason for you to wake up quickly - since you probably want to tell her wrong on some level." She winks, even though Eliza's eyes are still as closed as before.

Arizona falls quiet again. She can think of a million other reasons why Eliza needs to wake up, the most important one just to be with her again, but she doesn't say them out loud. What's the point anyway?  
As she gets lost in her thoughts, she softly caresses Eliza's hand. Her finger traces the shape of Eliza's fingers. They are soft, and warm, and fit so well in her own hand. She bends forward and carefully presses a kiss on them.

"Hey."

Her voice is soft, but loud enough to make Arizona's head shoot up instantly. She's awake! Eliza is awake! She's looking and smiling at her. She looks a little drowsy, but she's definitely awake.

"H- Hey!" Arizona echoes her, suddenly a little speechless.

Eliza flips her hand, so that she gets a hold of Arizona's as well, and slightly squeezes it. "Boy, I'm so lucky," she sighs. Her voice sounds a little croaky.

Arizona couldn't be more astounded. "Lucky?!" she squeaks, wide-eyed.

"Yeah." Eliza clears her throat, talking doesn't seem easy yet. "Waking up next to you for two days in a row? That's called lucky in my book!"

"Actually," Arizona starts, as she picks up the glass of water from the bedside table and helps Eliza to take some sips, "you've been asleep for like... fifty hours. I never took you for the lazy type, but I was clearly wrong there!"

Eliza starts to laugh, which makes her writhe a little.

Arizona quickly shoots forward. "Sorry, I shouldn't make you laugh!" she apologizes with a worried look on her face.

Eliza takes a few more sips, then coughs. "It's okay," she smiles.

"It's not. I should get Amelia," Arizona says, while getting up from her seat. "She needs to check your-"

"Arizona," Eliza interrupts her, "I have other things on my list! You can call her in like ten minutes."

An unexpected laugh escapes Arizona's lips. She sits down again. "Well, at least we can already tell her that there's nothing wrong with your short-term memory!"

"So? What  _is_  wrong with me?" Eliza asks, as her hand starts to tap down her body.

"I'm afraid ten minutes won't be enough to cover all of that," Arizona reacts with a serious look on her face, but a small, mischievous sparkle in her eyes. "To start with, you're overly confident. You have no filter. You-"

"Arizona!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that was too easy!" Arizona bends forward to kiss Eliza's hand again. "Unfortunately, the list really is quite long. Basically, you ruined almost the entire right side of your body. You've got a hole in your skull, over here." She carefully touches the side of Eliza's head, then moves her finger to Eliza's abdomen. "You ruptured a bunch of organs here. And you drastically wrecked your hip and leg, right here."

Eliza moves her hand down her body, to her hip, where her fingertips find the metal pins that form the external fixation. "Wow, I'm screwed!" she cries out.

Arizona takes her hand again. "Yes, you are. And it sounds like you're also tripping on morphine! I hate to tell you that things won't be that funny anymore in a little while."

"Well, let's cross that bridge when we get there," Eliza sighs as she pulls Arizona towards her a little. "Now, can I please get a decent kiss now?"

"You're really the worst," Arizona chuckles, before she gets up and carefully presses her lips on Eliza's for a gentle peck. When she pulls back a little, their eyes lock. They're not laughing anymore.

"I'm really glad you're back," Arizona whispers, as her thumb tenderly strokes Eliza's face. Eliza just smiles at her. She looks tired and Arizona can tell she's less comfortable than she tries to occur. She gives her another kiss, before she pulls back completely.

"Now, stop joking and moving around, will you? That's not how we get you back on your feet again. Let's get that first check over with, so you can take another nap. I'll get Amelia."

Arizona turns around to leave the room, but Eliza stops her.

"Wait! Do they- Do they know about...?"

"Us?" Arizona, facing her again, finishes the question. "Yes, they do. Well, I told like three people, so yeah, I assume the entire hospital knows by now."

Without thinking Eliza tries to sit up a little, making Arizona speed forward to stop her straight away. "Do we care?" she questions, while scanning Arizona's face for any hints of stress.

Arizona looks at her. A goofy grin creeps over her face. "No, we don't," she answers truthfully. "We really, really don't!"

... ...


	8. Chapter 8

"Look who's awake!" Amelia cheers as she walks into Eliza's room, closely followed by DeLuca, who's on her service today.

Arizona quickly gets up and moves her chair to the side to give them some space.

"Thanks for getting here so quickly," she tells Amelia. "I just heard about Megan. And I... Well, I'm sorry for what I said the other day, about Owen. I had no clu-"

"Don't worry about it," Amelia cuts her off. "You'd just made it through a big explosion. The fact that you even _remembered_ Owen was good enough for me."

"How is he?" Arizona asks.

Amelia shrugs. "I don't know. I really don't. They're all messed up, emotions all over the place. Laughing. Crying. Lots of crying." She falls quiet for a second, then abruptly turns towards Eliza. "Anyhow, let's focus on you! I brought a resident with me, since we all know how much you value their education," she winks playfully, "I assume you don't mind Dr. DeLuca performing a neurological assessment?"

Eliza smiles at her, not missing the fact that Amelia is just teasing a little. "That's not a problem. Dr. DeLuca, take it away!"

DeLuca moves towards her. "How are you feeling?" he starts his examination.

"A little groggy," Eliza replies, "but other than that I feel quite alright. The analgesia is clearly doing its job - so please, keep it coming."

"I'm glad you're not experiencing too much pain right now. There won't be any changes according to your medication till at least tomorrow morning," DeLuca explains. "I know you're tired, your body is working really hard right now. So let's get this over with, and you can go back to sleep before you know it. To start with, can you tell me who and where you are?"

"I am Eliza Minnick - born on November 4, 1979. I'm at the hospital - Grey Sloan," Eliza answers without any difficulties.

DeLuca nods. "Perfect. And can you also tell me..." He quickly scans the room, then points at Arizona, "who this blonde lady is?"

"Sure," Eliza responds, "that's Dr. Robbins. No clue what she's doing here though, as I'm neither pregnant nor a kid."

As DeLuca's face shows both worry and confusion, Eliza quickly continues, "...and that's  _also_  Arizona, who's been right about how news travels fast around here! Don't worry, I am very well aware of who I am, and it would take more than one explosion to forget about that one over there."

DeLuca makes a face, telling her he did indeed know a thing or two. "Still able to crack jokes: check!" he laughs. "Alright, moving on. Do you experience any visual problems?"

Eliza shakes her head, carefully, and DeLuca continues the cranial nerve test.

While he does, Amelia walks up to Arizona. She gently takes her by the arm and leads her away from the others, to the corner of the room.

"And how are you?" she quietly asks her other patient.

"I'm fine," Arizona answers as she shrugs her shoulders - she starts to feel like a broken record when it comes to this question.

But like Teddy, Amelia isn't one to accept the easy answer. "You don't look fine, you look exhausted," she remarks.

Arizona averts her eyes. "It's been a long day."

"Yes, days tend to be long when you're awake all the time. Which you shouldn't be! Come on, Arizona, you're a doctor for Christ sake, you know damn well how to take care of yourself!" Amelia sets her straight. "Now, go home. Get some sleep. Doctor's orders!"

Arizona stares at her, flabbergasted and desperately searching for a witty comeback. She can't think of anything, which makes her realize she really is exhausted: she's about to be kicked out of this room against her will and she hardly knows how to stand her ground.

"N- No," she mutters, "I'm not going home!"

Amelia takes a deep breath and looks like she's counting to ten. "Fine, stay here, find yourself a room. I don't want you driving tonight anyway," she sighs.

Arizona doesn't react, instead she just stands there, looking a little lost. Amelia gives her a mitigating smile to soften her speech. "Listen, I don't wanna fight you or anything. I'm just concerned. You really need some rest. Okay? There's nothing worse than a neglected concussion."

At first it seems like Arizona hasn't even heard her, but then she slowly nods. "Okay," she simply agrees.

"Alright," Amelia nods as well, before she turns towards the other side of the room again. "Now let's see how these two are doing. Dr. DeLuca, what's your report?"

DeLuca faces her. "Nothing to be alarmed about. Mental state and awareness, motor and sensory functions, reflexes, pupillary dilation and eye movements, cerebellar function... all good. No clues for spinal injury so far. Of course we can't really check all the motor pathways yet, or the nerves around the right leg, because of the orthopedic fixation and the heavy medication."

He hands Amelia the iPad showing her the specifics of this first test, which she quickly scans.

"Hm hm, looking good," she mumbles under her breath, before focusing on Eliza again. "Okay, this does look alright for now. We need scans for further details, especially about the leg area. But it's late, and for now I prefer that you get more rest. So we'll schedule those for tomorrow morning."

Eliza nods, but Arizona doesn't seem convinced. "You're sure it can wait?" she asks, her eyes narrowing a little.

Amelia rests her hand on Arizona's shoulder.

"Very sure. I wouldn't take the risk if there was any. The hip and leg are both very well secured right now. I bet even Houdini couldn't escape out of this framework," she tells them with a reassuring smile, before suddenly looking a little strict again as she continues, "Now, kiss each other goodnight. Visiting hour is over!"

 

* * *

 

Her eyes shoot open. Her heart is racing, she can feel how it's beating in her throat. Her body is covered in cold sweat. Her phone tells her it's only 4 AM, but she doesn't care - she's done with it. Doctor's orders or not, three nightmares in one night is enough.

Arizona gets up from the small bed and takes her sweater from the chair next to it. As she pulls it on, she feels how her head is spinning. Amelia was right about one thing: she shouldn't drive right now. Which means she should probably stay in the hospital, where she wants to stay awake, even though pretty much the entire hospital is asleep and she can't keep herself busy with work. So she needs something else to distract her. Or someone else.

Without too much thinking Arizona leaves the on-call room and finds her way to the ICU, where she quietly sneaks into Eliza's room and takes a seat next to her bed. She doesn't intend to bother her, she just knows her face won't bore her for hours, which is just what she needs right now.

"Arizona?"

"Yeah, it's me," Arizona whispers, surprised to hear Eliza's voice at this time a night. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you."

"It's okay, I wasn't sleeping. I think I'm dealing with some kind of jet lag that's keeping me awake," Eliza sighs. "Why aren't you asleep though? Is something wrong?"

Instinctively Arizona takes Eliza's hand into her own. "No, no, everything is fine," she reassures her.

"So you're saying it's totally normal to wander around in the hospital, and visiting patients, in the middle of the night? Yeah, not buying that," Eliza tells her off. "What's going on? Are they keeping you here as well?" Then, suddenly a bit scared, "Wait, are you injured?"

Feeling conflicted between being honest and being comforting, Arizona takes a deep breath.

"No, I am not injured, not heavily at least," she starts. "I'm just- I'm... fighting with some demons. The explosion, well, it triggered something. Giving me flashbacks. And nightmares. I'm working on it, trying to handle them. Which is one thing when I'm awake, but when I'm asleep..."

She falls quiet.

Eliza doesn't ask any further. Instead she pulls her hand free and taps it on the blanket right next to her.

Arizona raises her eyebrows, confused. "What?" she asks.

"Climb up!" Eliza tells her.

"Are you crazy? There's hardly any space. I'll hurt you!" Arizona exclaims, wide-eyed.

Eliza flattens the blanket a little to show there's actually enough space. "Don't overestimate yourself, you're not that big. And I don't mind keeping you close. Now, come on, you know my left side is alright. And I promise not to move."

Arizona feels even more conflicted now. The doctor-part in her tells her to stay put, but every other part in her knows how that little spot, right next to Eliza, is the only spot she wants to be in right now. She sighs, realizing the doctor-part is clearly losing this debate.

"Please use your good leg to kick me out as soon as you need space," she says as she gets up.

"I will," Eliza promises, lifting her left arm to create even more room. Arizona carefully climbs on the bed and lays down next to Eliza, resting her head on Eliza's shoulder and wrapping her arm around her; her hand lightly resting on Eliza's chest, making sure she doesn't hit the abdominal incisions.

"You're okay?" she asks.

Eliza turns her head a little and presses a kiss on Arizona's hair. "I'm perfect," she smiles.

"You moved!" Arizona points out.

"Sorry," Eliza chuckles, "won't happen again." She keeps her face close to Arizona's - making sure she sticks to her word - and nuzzles her nose in Arizona's hair a little. "I'm sorry about your demons," she whispers. "Do you wanna talk about them?"

Arizona blinks. "Apparently I should. But I don't want to right now. Can I get a rain-check?" She feels how Eliza kisses the top of her head again.

"Always," she just says.

They stay quiet for a bit, their breathing calm and synchronized. Both tired, yet both not able to sleep. The fingers of Eliza's left hand draw circles on Arizona's back, soft and mindlessly. "You know, if I close my eyes and pretend that I'm deaf, it's almost like I'm back in your bedroom. Which I had just decided is my new happy place," she muses.

"Hm, I can go with that," Arizona smiles, before the truth hits her again. "Too bad reality is just around the corner. More surgeries, less meds. The road to recovery..."

Eliza's body tenses up, briefly, but long enough for Arizona to notice. "I know," she sighs.

"Hey, don't you worry, okay? You'll do great. And you're not alone. I'm here, and..."

All of a sudden Arizona stops talking, as she realizes there's this big subject they've forgotten about. "Oh my god, we haven't called your family yet!" she blurts out.

"That's okay. I hardly talk to them and they live far away anyway, most of them all the way in Poland. They won't come over anytime soon," Eliza calmly reacts. "Especially because they probably won't understand a thing you'd tell them - I mean, I reckon you don't speak any Polish?!"

"Well, I know  _pierogi_  - even though I never got to taste that," Arizona mumbles.

"See, that doesn't bring you much further than a food order," Eliza laughs. "But really, there's no rush. I'll call them myself one of these days, when I can honestly tell them not to worry." She swallows - Arizona can feel it, lying this close against her.

"But uh," Eliza continues, "...you might wanna call my husband."

Arizona's eyes shoot wide open. In a reflex she almost sits up straight, just to be able to stare down at Eliza, but she remembers in time that she really can't move like that. Plus she doesn't want to seem over-dramatic. So she forces herself to keep calm, physically at least.

"Husband?!" she squeaks, not able to keep her voice completely under control.

"Yeah, I'm afraid so. But it's not what you think!" Eliza quickly tries to undo Arizona's potential worries.

"So you're  _not_  married?" Arizona questions, clearly confused by the subject.

"Oh no, I am. But to a friend - just a friend! - to help him with a green card. Like... years ago! We don't even see each other that often anymore. But he needs to know in case he gets some questions from immigrations or anything, and-"

"Just a friend?" Arizona interrupts her.

Eliza tightens her grip around Arizona a little, pulling her closer. "Yes, just a friend. A  _gay_  friend, if that helps. Although it shouldn't, as I myself am very, very gay. I thought you were quite aware of that. Not that I mind convincing you again, you know, when I'm ever allowed to move again."

Arizona is too distracted to laugh. She knows she can't accuse Eliza of anything here. They're not twenty anymore, they both have a history. You can't blame someone for knowing, or being with, or even marrying other people before they ever met you. Heck, she's been married - her ex-wife even operated on her new lover just a few hours ago! So in a way, history can quite well be part of today, she realizes, as she quickly tries to wrap her head around this.

Yet as rational as she wants to be right now, she really does need a few seconds to process this brand new information. And Eliza is well aware of this.

"Hey! Hey, look at me!" she pulls her out of her thoughts.

Arizona looks up at her.

"There's another reason why you don't have to worry about this guy - you know, besides the simple fact that literally  _everyone_  in this little tale is gay," she starts, showing Arizona a soft, genuine smile. "And that's that I'm very, very much in love with  _you_!"

Arizona blankly stares at her. "You're in love with me?"

The corners of Eliza's lips quirk up further. "Are you kidding me?!" she beams. "I've been in love with you since I first laid eyes on you. One glance through a stupid window was enough. And then actually being around you, being  _with_  you... I can't even begin to describe those feelings!"

There's hardly any light in the room, but Arizona can still see how Eliza's eyes light up, how her smile grows big. She's not kidding. She is in love.

And she's not the only one.

Arizona carefully lifts herself up a little, just enough so she can bring her face close to Eliza's. She looks her straight in the eyes - is she wrong or does Eliza seem a little shy after her confession? She gently strokes her hair, her face, her lips. She bends in for the softest, and yet in a way the strongest, kiss ever. When she breaks their kiss she hardly pulls back.

"I'm very much in love with you, too," she whispers, as she opens her eyes and shows a big grin at the same time.

"Good," Eliza smirks back at her, "Cause that's all that matters to me. You're all that matters. Okay?"

Arizona leans into her again, careful not to press too much weight on her. "Okay," she hums into another kiss, before she crawls back into her new favorite spot - right next to Eliza - to rest her head in the crook of her neck. The room falls quiet again.

She listens to the beeping of the machines. For some reason they don't scare her anymore. It doesn't take long before Arizona feels the subtle change in Eliza's breathing, telling her she's falling asleep, even though she's still holding Arizona close to her with one, strong arm.

Then her own eyes become heavy as well. She doesn't fight it though. She feels like she doesn't need to. Lying here, with Eliza (who is in love with her!) in her arms, she actually feels safe. As she starts to doze off, she just knows that there's nothing that can harm her right now.

And she's right.

For the first time in days she sleeps a dreamless sleep.

... ...


	9. Chapter 9

The first thing she realizes when she wakes up is the fact that she's covered with a sheet - she's pretty sure it wasn't there before. When she carefully looks around to see what else might be different, she notices the rail on her side of the hospital bed is up. Somebody has been in here and didn't want her to accidentally fall off.

Arizona faces forward again, towards Eliza, who's still asleep. She watches her. Watches how her chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm. Peacefully.

The clock on the wall tells her it's almost 7 AM. She should probably get off the bed, if only to avoid the unnecessary comments from her co-workers. She gives herself a few more minutes though, just to look. To be. She doesn't want to wake her up, but she can't help but smile a little when she notices that she does.

"Hey you," Arizona quietly says as Eliza starts to blink against the light.

Eliza turns her head a bit - her eyes still sleepy, but her lips smiling. "To wake up next to you," she sighs contently, "it's really the only thing I need."

At that moment a growling sound fills the room. Arizona raises her brow. "Are you sure about that?" she questions. "It sounds like you need something else as well. You're hungry?"

"For you? Always!" Eliza winks.

Arizona bursts into laughter. "There's really nothing that can keep you from flirting, is there?"

"Well, it's a nice distraction," Eliza smiles, as she presses a kiss on Arizona's forehead. "You're a nice distraction." Her stomach growls again. She exhales in frustration. "Aargh, okay, yes, I am hungry. Happy now?" she cries out, more to her stomach than to Arizona.

With immediate regret to leave her comfy spot, Arizona carefully sits up. "I wish I could help you out there, but I'm afraid you've got some scans scheduled that actually require an empty stomach." She leans in, hovering close above Eliza's face as she whispers, "Hang in there, babe. I promise I'll feet you whatever you wish for as soon as you're allowed to have anything solid again!" She softly pecks her on the lips, then turns around, lowers the rail and jumps off the bed.

Eliza groans. "Too bad I know all the stupid side effects from anesthesia. It's gonna make me throw up for sure."

"Ignorance is bliss, huh?!" Arizona remarks. "Now, all kidding aside, how are you feeling this morning?"

"Crazy thirsty, to be honest. And my throat hurts like hell. I guess my meds are focusing on some other parts of me," Eliza sighs.

As Arizona takes the extra sheet off the bed, she bends in again an gently kisses Eliza on the neck, then even more delicate on the throat, the cheek and finally the lips. "Stop talking then," she whispers.

"Yes, doctor," Eliza smiles, showing a little sparkle in her eyes and lifting her head for another kiss. But Arizona is pulling back already.

"I'll get you some ice chips," she tells her, before turning around and making her way towards the door. "Be right back."

Arizona leaves the room of her girlfriend, wondering if that's what she is - her girlfriend - now that they've told each other how they feel. She has always struggled with the defying part of relationships... and here she goes again. Giving this more thought than she probably should, she heads to the nurses station, where she asks for the ice. Just as one of the nurses reaches her a cup, a voice behind her startles her.

"Good morning, early bird. Sneaking in before visiting hours, huh?"

She turns around. It's DeLuca. "I had to spend the night in the on-call room," she explains her presence, although she knows that she doesn't owe him any explanation.

"I know," he smiles - his face friendly as ever, "but I assume those aren't for you?"

"They're for Eliza," she admits. "It's hardly any breakfast, but I think she'll have her CT this morning."

DeLuca nods. "I believe they have her scheduled within an hour. CT and MRI."

"You won't be there?" Arizona asks, a little surprised as he was assisting yesterday.

Her roommate shakes his head. "Nope. I had to come in for an emergency on another case last night. Turned into a full night shift. So I'm about to head home. I could really go for a coffee first, though. You wanna join me? Unless you want ice chips for breakfast as well?"

"I really don't," Arizona laughs. "Let me bring this to her and then meet you in about ten minutes, okay?" And with that, followed by his thumbs up, she turns around to make her way back to Eliza's room.

 

* * *

 

"So, you and Dr. Minnick, huh? That's... unexpected," DeLuca smiles as he puts his huge cappuccino back on the table. They went to the place across the street, since their coffee is way better than the hospitals. Arizona smiles back at him.

"For you maybe. It's not  _that_  new. She's actually been at the house already - walked around in the kitchen, half-naked, where you probably had lunch a few hours later." She grins like a teenager.

DeLuca makes a face, looking like he just walked into his parents doing the nasty. "Aah, please, don't tell me those things! She's my teacher!"

They both laugh out loud. Arizona sits back in her chair. She feels relaxed, realizing this is the first uncomplicated conversation she's having in days.

"It's good to see you this happy," he tells her.

She sighs, unwillingly. "Well, I wouldn't call myself happy at the moment. I've got a kind-of girlfriend in the hospital who's about to go through hell."

"Yes, that sucks," he nods. "But if you could see yourself, see how you light up each time you're talking about her, let alone when you're around her... You don't fool me there, roomie,  _that's_ happiness."

"If only I could actually be around her," Arizona grumbles. She takes a big sip of her coffee, then wipes the foam from her lips. "Shepherd is playing the tough doc, sending me to bed whenever she can."

DeLuca hands her a piece of his bagel. "She's just concerned. I think it's pretty great that she's here for the two of you at all right now, considering what she's going through. You should cut her some slack."

"Listen to you. The voice of reason. Aren't you supposed to be the student? And not to forget, aren't you supposed to be on  _my_  side?"

"Oh, I am! Believe me - when I'm not out there saving lives, my main purpose in life is to help out the two of you," he tells her as he finishes his coffee, looking over the edge of the cup with a serious face, but a twinkle in his eyes.

Arizona realizes he isn't joking though, not totally at least. "It was you! You were in the room!" she cries out.

His eyes narrow. "What room?"

"Andy!"

DeLuca shoots forward in his chair. "Wow, violation of the roommate agreement; you promised to never call me that!" he sets her straight, playfully indignant while trying not to laugh. "Alright snuggle bunny, I might have been around, saving you from a three feet drop. A thank you will do."

Arizona chuckles. "Thank you," she tells him, while showing him a sincere smile.

"You're welcome," he replies in a warm voice, before leaning back in his chair a little and continuing in a more nonchalant way, "Besides, I don't really mind you spending your nights at the hospital these days. I happened to meet your friend yesterday, before I got called back in. The one that's staying with us. Teddy?"

She looks at him, awaiting to hear where this is going.

"She's hot," he simply states after his dramatic pause, showing a big grin.

Arizona rolls her eyes and throws her napkin at his head. "Don't hit on my friends!" she shouts out, now being the one playing the indignantly-card, but just like him not able to keep a straight face, as the whole thing sounds quite amusing.

"Don't hit on my teachers!" he fires back straight away.

They fill the place with their laughter. God, it's good to laugh again! Arizona sits back again and watches her young friend, shaking her head like she's wondering what to do with him. DeLuca grins back, a sign of mutual understanding.

"So, how 'bout Wilson? You finally said goodbye to your secret crush?" she asks curiously, raising her eyebrow a little.

DeLuca shuffles in his chair and starts collecting their cups, looking a little uncomfortable all of a sudden. "You know about Jo?" he asks without really looking at her.

"Oh honey, everyone knows. Well, except for Jo, I guess," she answers, while trying not to look too pitiful.

Just when he wants to reply, they get interrupted by the ringing of Arizona's phone. "I'm sorry, I need to take this, it's Shepherd," she apologizes, before swiping her screen to answer the call.

"Amelia, what's up?"

"Hey, are you still at the hospital?" the voice on the other side of the line asks her. "I think we can use your help here."

 

* * *

 

"I don't care, I'm not going in there!"

April looks up as Amelia and Arizona enter the MRI room. "She still refuses to cooperate," she quietly informs them. Arizona walks to the machine, where she trades places with April.

"Eliza, what's going on?" she asks.

Eliza doesn't respond, she just looks around, like she's scanning the room. Her eyes are moving fast and seem a little bewildered. Arizona recognizes the look, the panic in her eyes.

"Eliza, look at me," she tries again, but her voice doesn't seem to reach her. Arizona snaps her fingers in front of Eliza's face. "Minnick!" she cries out, surprised to see this actually works as Eliza focuses her eyes on her.

"Hi," Arizona continues, her voice surprisingly calm. "It's me. It's okay. Can you tell me what's going on?"

Eliza stares at her. "I'm not going in there," she repeats herself. "It's too small."

"Are you claustrophobic?" Arizona asks her, a little confused.

"No, I'm not. You see, that's the problem. I've never been scared for small spaces. But now I am. So something must be wrong, my instinct is telling me that something's wrong. I'm not going in!" Eliza rambles.

Arizona sits down on the edge of the small table and takes Eliza's hand in her own. "Hey, calm down. You know these machines, you  _know_  they are okay. They can't hurt you. Forget about the 'ignorance is bliss' bullshit, trust on what you know!"

"I know what I'm feeling, I know that's not normal! This isn't me, Arizona. That must mean something," Eliza goes on.

"But it  _is_  normal," Arizona quietly tells her, as she softly squeezes Eliza's hand. "Think about it: you just had brain surgery, which often resets your senses for a little while. So it makes sense that you experience the world a little different now. You're hearing might be different, maybe you don't recognize the sounds of the machine like you're used to. Maybe the machine looks smaller right now. But you  _know_  that's just your brain playing a trick on you. You know things aren't actually different."

Eliza nods, but doesn't seem totally convinced. Arizona smiles at her, as she tugs a lock of dark hair behind Eliza's ear. "Look, if you don't trust your own brain, then trust mine. And theirs." She points at the door where April and Amelia are still waiting. She can feel how Eliza's hand is wet. She really is nervous.

"Okay," Eliza mumbles.

"Good," Arizona smiles at her. She is about to get up, but Eliza tightens the grip on her hand, making her look down at her again.

"Will you stay with me?" she asks.

Arizona stands up, but doesn't let go of Eliza's hand. "I'll stay till they turn on the magnetic fields, okay? Then I'll be there with them, behind the window. You can't move to see me, but I'll see you. And I can hear you, and talk to you. We'll get you through this," she reassures her.

Eliza nods again. Arizona turns around and nods on her turn towards the others, telling them that Eliza is ready. They take their places at the other side of the table.

"Alright, we will move the table upwards now. Then we will adjust the camera around your head, the one that will take the pictures of your brain - you won't feel any of that. And then the bed will slide into the machine," April explains, although she knows this is nothing Eliza hasn't heard - or even said herself - before. "Are you ready?"

Eliza doesn't respond. She looks up at Arizona, who's still holding her hand.

"You can do this," Arizona whispers.

Struggling with a dry throat, Eliza coughs a few times before she speaks up. "I'm ready," she tells them.

April moves her foot to a pedal under the table, which slowly moves the table upwards. When it's all the way up, they adjust the camera as explained. Then April presses a button on the control panel which makes the bed move horizontal, into the tunnel. Arizona keeps holding Eliza's hand till she can't anymore.

"How are you doing in there?" she checks.

Eliza clears her throat again. "I'm alright, I think."

"Good. Now hold that thought." Arizona gently lays her hand on Eliza's shin. "We're going to the other room now. Remember that I can hear you, so call me if you need anything."

They move into the connected room and take their seats behind the window. April bends forward toward the microphone. "Alright Eliza, we are starting the machine now. It won't hurt you in any way. There will just be a lot of noise. It's gonna be loud! But you won't feel a thing. Don't forget, you have to lay very still."

"Okay," Eliza's voice sounds through the speakers.

April turns on the machine. It doesn't take long before the loud noises fill the room. Arizona has heard them a thousand times before, even when she was in there herself, but for some reason they sound different this time. Like she can hear them through Eliza's ears.  
She checks a couple of times if Eliza is doing okay, which she is, while April and Amelia keep their eyes on the screens in front of them. The first images start to pop up.

Although Arizona is just as curious about the results, she doesn't watch the screens; her eyes are only on the woman in front of her, behind the window. To lighten the mood she wants to tell Eliza that it's just like the very first time they saw each other, but she's afraid she'll make her laugh - and move. Instead she just tells her once again she's still here.

So far the voices of her co-workers - and friends - right next to her are sounding reassuring. The scans of the brains are up, as well as the spinal cord.  
But as the camera angle changes and the images of the lower body are shown, the mood seems to change - slightly, but enough for Arizona to notice. She tries to ignore it, but that's getting more difficult when Amelia leans forward to have an even closer look.

"Is Callie still in town?" she asks April, while zooming in on a scan that's showing the hip and femur bones.

April nods. "Yes, she's leaving this afternoon."

With her eyes still focused on the pictures in front of her, Amelia clears her throat.

"Call her," she says. "She needs to look at this."

... ...


	10. Chapter 10

"Can you sit down, please? You're driving me crazy!"

They're back in Eliza's room; Eliza in her bed, finally allowed to sit up a little, and Arizona pacing around the room like a maniac.

Not wanting to make things worse, Arizona comes to an abrupt stop at the foot of the bed. She rests her hands on the rail as a deep sigh escapes her. "I'm sorry," she grumbles, "It's just... aaghr! I can't believe they kicked me out. That they are in there, talking about you without involving us. We are doctors, for crying out loud!"

"Not on this case," Eliza calmly reminds her. "Come on, I know it's frustrating, but it is normal protocol. They won't just decide on anything, there will be time to respond to whatever they come up with. Just wait for it."

"Eliza, something is wrong!" Arizona cries out.

Eliza inhales deeply, closes her eyes and drops her head backwards in her pillows. "Don't you think I know that?!" she sighs.

She doesn't move for a few seconds. When she opens her eyes again, she looks at Arizona, who hasn't moved either. She swallows, fighting with a lump in her throat. "I know something is going on. I know they will walk in here any moment now and tell me some shitty news that I don't wanna hear about. Then it will be real. From that moment on I can't go back anymore, I can't go back to the moment that it wasn't real yet. So till then, can we please... pretend everything is alright? Pretend we are anywhere but here?"

Arizona drops her shoulders. She nods, slowly. "Sure," she answers, sharing a sympathetic smile. She walks around the bed and climbs up, resting her back against the rail at the foot-end. "Where do you wanna go?"

Relieved to drop the heavy subject for a minute, Eliza exhales and smiles back at Arizona. She lifts her hand and starts playing with her hair, as her mind starts wandering off. "You know there's this place, this hotel, I think it's in the north of Sweden - or Finland maybe. It's not a big place, just a whole bunch of little cabins - little igloos. But they're made of glass! So you can watch the Northern Lights all night long, without leaving your warm, cozy bed." She smiles as she's picturing the place in her head. "I wouldn't mind taking you there."

"That sounds amazing. I definitely wouldn't mind being taken there!" Arizona muses, as she softly caresses Eliza's leg.

"There's also this place in Japan," Eliza continues, "where you can take a bath with monkeys."

A big laugh escapes Arizona's lips. "No way!?" she cries out, astonished by the idea.

"It's true! There are these hot springs, somewhere in this snowy area where the monkeys live. I think they're baboons, but I'm not sure. Anyway, they like to relax in the warm water. Getting all stoned in there. The baby monkeys play around like kids at a pool," Eliza tells, as her eyes light up with enthusiasm.

Although the subject itself doesn't completely distract Arizona from her worries, just seeing Eliza like this does replace the nervous twitch in her stomach for a zillion butterflies. She can't help it: it makes her grin like an idiot.

"Don't laugh at me!" Eliza exclaims. "I'm telling you, it's true! You can go there as a tourist and actually join them in the water."

"Oh, I believe you," Arizona chuckles. "I mean, it's Japan right? Why wouldn't it be true? As a doctor though, I have some serious doubts about this. Wouldn't you be swimming in their feces?"

Eliza makes a face, then laughs again. "So the Northern Lights it is, then?"

"The Northern Lights it is!" Arizona nods. She waves her arm above her head, making them both look up towards the ceiling. "Green sky, here we come."

When she drops her arm, she bends forward to grab Eliza's hand. She's about to speak up again when a voice coming from behind makes her look over her shoulder.

"Sorry to interrupt," Amelia says as both she and Callie walk in. Without thinking Arizona quickly gets off the bed, although she doesn't let go of Eliza's hand. They're not laughing anymore.

"Eliza, this is Dr. Torres, your orthopedic surgeon. She operated on your leg the other day," Amelia continues.

Eliza sits up straight and sticks out her free hand to shake Callie's. "Dr. Torres, wow! I've been following your work for quite a while, especially your cartilage research. It's an honor," she tells her.

Callie smiles at her. "I heard we're in the same field. I'm sorry we have to meet like this."

"Me too," Eliza replies, before focusing her attention on Amelia again. "What's your verdict?"

Amelia clears her throat. "The scans of your brain and spinal cord look good. Nothing to worry about there-"

"But?" Arizona interrupts her impatiently.

Eliza looks up at her and softly squeezes her hand. "Give them a second, okay?" she quietly tells her.

"It's alright," Amelia calmly reacts, "I know you're worried. And I hate to tell you that there's indeed a but. Eliza, we detected some serious nerve damage in your leg. A fifth degree injury. The neurological assessment already told us your reflexes are working well, so we know your leg isn't paralyzed. But with the sciatic nerve being this damaged we now also know for sure that the impact is big. Even though most likely you'll be able to stand on it, it will drastically affect your abilities to move, to feel, to..." She falls quiet.

Eliza just looks at her. Then at Callie, and then at Amelia again. She takes a deep breath. "So I need surgery for that?"

"Yes. But unfortunately we won't be able to do a nerve repair. There's too much damage. We have to use a graft," Amelia answers.

"A donor nerve?" Arizona asks, even though she knows that they all understand pretty well what they're talking about.

Amelia nods. "Yes."

Arizona narrows her eyes. "Where would you take it from?"

"That's the thing," Callie jumps in. "In most cases we would take it from the medial nerve in the arm. But there's this one side-effect that we can't avoid: numbness. It can take years before the sensation in the forearm, and maybe even the hand, will be back to normal. And for you, that would mean-"

"-that I won't be able to operate anymore," Eliza finishes her sentence.

Amelia sighs empathetically. "I'm afraid a procedure like this will end your career as a surgeon," she admits. "Now the alternative would be to use your sural nerve, the one that runs up the back of your leg, from your other leg. It will leave you with numbness to the outside of your foot."

"That might sound as an easy solution, but it's really not. It doesn't just mean that both of your legs have to recover simultaneously, but your injured leg has to be strong enough for two before you could ever be back on your feet in an OR. Because the donor one could give you problems at any time, unexpectedly, for a long time," Callie adds.

"But it will work?" Eliza asks, unconsciously tightening her grip on Arizona's hand.

"It could work," Amelia answers, "but it's a complicated procedure, and not without risks. Plus recovery will be tough."

Eliza lifts her hand and rubs her forehead, like she's having a headache.

"Honestly though, I think it's your only option here," Amelia continues.

As Eliza stares at some blind spot on the wall, Arizona speaks up again. "You need to do it," she tells Callie. "You fixed Derek's hand, that procedure wasn't that different from this one. You can do this."

"That's why I'm still here. If Eliza chooses to go for a graft, then the two of us will perform the surgery. The muscle re-innervation will not occur after long periods of time without nerve innervation, so it's necessary to operate as quickly as possible," Callie explains. She looks at Eliza. "You need to be stronger though. You're still recovering from the previous surgeries. And this one will require a lot from you."

"Can't you just put me under for a couple of days? Like I'm in hibernation..?" Eliza mumbles.

Amelia answers her question with a soft smile. "I know this is a lot to process. You don't have to decide anything straight away. Just don't take too long, okay?"

Eliza nods. "Okay. Thank you - both of you."

Callie carefully rests her hand on the framework around Eliza's leg. "I need to go back to New York now, to see my patients there. If you want to proceed I can be back in four days. I'll perform the second part of your orthopedic surgery as well then. Just talk to Dr. Shepherd about your decision, she'll keep me posted."

She nods at them as a sign of goodbye, then turns around to leave the room. Yet before she reaches the door, Arizona quickly lets go of Eliza's hand and sprints towards her.

"Callie!"

Callie halts and turns around.

"If you do come over later this week, can you please bring Sofia?" Arizona asks her.

Callie looks pensive for a second before she nods once again. "I'll see what I can arrange with her school. Alright?"

Arizona accepts with a smile, then spins around again as Callie leaves the room. Eliza is looking at her, wide-eyed. She opens her mouth to speak up when Amelia, unaware of the whole thing, interrupts her.

"Okay, I know there's a lot to talk about, but this is not the time," she tells them. "Eliza, take some rest, I'll come back to you in a few hours. And you..."

She turns around toward Arizona, who's already putting both of her hands up in the air.

"Yes, I know: go home, get some sleep!" she finishes Amelia's order with a heavy sigh. "I'm telling you Shepherd, if you're ever done with being a surgeon, you should seriously consider becoming a nanny!" 

 

* * *

 

"Arizona!"

The voice comes from afar and doesn't fit the situation, which is why she tries to ignore it. But it's persistent.

"Arizona! Wake up!"

She opens her eyes and finds herself on the couch in her own living room. She's not in the hospital, as she believed she was. Teddy is crouching next to her, one hand on her shoulder. Arizona sits up, blinking and a little dazed.

"I'm sorry for waking you, but you were screaming," Teddy says as she takes a sit on the couch as well. "Were you having a nightmare again?"

Arizona rubs her eyes. "Yes, I believe so. Although this time it doesn't really linger. What was I screaming about?"

"Something about only children being around..? I'm not really sure," Teddy answers.

Leaning backwards Arizona closes her eyes for a second. "Gary Clark," she sighs. "Remember him? The shooter?"

"Sure," Teddy nods, "That's years ago though!"

"I know!" Arizona exclaims. "I haven't thought about him in ages, but these days he visits me all the time. Every time I'm not dreaming about plane crashes and amputations and... when I'm just dreaming about normal stuff. Fun stuff. Like hanging out at some playground with Sofia, or just having a coffee in a nice bakery - then  _Bam!_  there he is again," she growls.

Teddy looks at her. "Does he scare you?"

"Well, yeah, of course he does. But... I don't know. Somehow I feel like that's not even the thing that's bothering me," she sighs. She slowly gets up. "You want coffee?"

Even though Teddy tells her no and to sit down and to talk to her, Arizona continues her way to the kitchen and starts to make coffee for herself. Teddy follows her and sits down on top of the kitchen table, from where she watches Arizona struggle with the coffee machine. Just as she's about to tell Arizona to count to ten and try again, Arizona speaks up, without turning around.

"Eliza got the results of her scans this morning. It doesn't look good. She needs major surgery, with no single guarantee." She bites her lips, subconsciously waiting for some standard compassion, but Teddy surprises her with a question instead.

"How does that make you feel?" is all she asks.

Arizona turns around. "Me? This isn't about me!"

"Tell me anyway," Teddy shrugs.

Placing both hands behind her, Arizona pushes herself up on the kitchen counter, her feet dangling down. "Or what? Push-ups again?"

"Stop joking, Robbins. Just tell me!"

Arizona exhales, as she permits herself to actually think about the question. Teddy lets her. "I guess I feel... useless," Arizona says, to Teddy as well as to herself, while staring at the floor. "She's hurt, I'm a doctor, and there's not a damn thing I can do."

"Is that how you feel in those dreams as well?" Teddy asks her.

Arizona keeps looking at the floor, recalling her nightmares, then suddenly looks up. "Yes!" she exclaims. "I think it is! All those situations, that's what they all have in common. How I couldn't do anything. How useless I was!"

"But you weren't!" Teddy sets her straight. "Think about it. That time with the shooter, you helped out that girl."

"Ruby," Arizona murmurs.

"Yes, Ruby," Teddy continues. "And after the plane crash, I heard you kept an eye on Sloan for days. And let's not forget how you saved Sofia after Callie's accident. That little girl lives because of you!"

Arizona shrugs. "So? How's that helping me now? All of that history is not gonna make Eliza walk again."

"No, it isn't," Teddy admits. "But making her walk again isn't your job here. You're not useless if you can't solve  _all_  of it. Just focus on your part. Your only job is being there for her. Like you were there for all of those others. And that's not only something you can do, it's something you  _will_  - because that's who you are anyway."

"So you're saying I just have to ignore my doctor-part? How do I even do that?"

"You keep in mind that you'll drive people crazy if you don't. And not just the doctors that are actually involved," Teddy points out. "Believe me, I've been there. Each time Henry got sick I turned into his doctor. Then it turned out I was annoying the crap out of him. He told me he had plenty of doctors, more than enough, but only one wife. He just needed me to be his wife."

Arizona looks thoughtful, then slowly nods. "Yeah, I remember how I hated it when Callie treated me like a patient after I lost my leg."

Teddy jumps off of the table and playfully smacks Arizona on the knee. "Just be her girlfriend. Hold her hand. Kiss away her tears. Sneak in some decent, non-hospital food. And always - always! - be there when she wakes up after surgery!"

 

* * *

 

The sun has already set when Arizona lets herself in Eliza's room. She shuts the door as well as the blinds and walks up to the bed. "Are you asleep?" she whispers.

"Yes," Eliza answers, without opening her eyes.

Arizona gently strokes her hair. "Okay... I'd better go home then," she teases in the same quiet voice.

Eliza instantly moves her hand up and grabs Arizona by the wrist, proving once again that her reflexes are still working fine. "No, no, I'm awake. Don't go!"

"God, you're so easy," Arizona winks at her, as she kicks off her shoes. When she gets up on the bed, she raises her eyebrow a little. "Is it me or did you get a bigger bed?"

Eliza laughs mischievously. "I had the feeling you'd come back for another sleepover, so I made sure I didn't exactly end up in the middle after those scans. I'm afraid it's still not a lot I can offer though."

"It's more than enough," Arizona hums as she crawls against Eliza and presses her lips against her neck for a delicate kiss. "So how are you? You got a lot to process today."

"I did," Eliza agrees, "I can't believe you were married to Callie Torres!"

Arizona snorts. "You knew I was married to Callie!"

"Yes, you'd mentioned the Callie-part," Eliza reacts, "but never the Torres-part. As did nobody else. So how was I supposed to connect the dots here?"

"Hm, I guess you couldn't. I'm sorry, I didn't even think about mentioning it before. Though of course I didn't expect her to show up on your bedside. Is it a problem for you? The fact that my ex-wife is your surgeon?" Arizona asks carefully.

Eliza looks at her. "Are you kidding me? It's Torres! If I'd known that you knew her I had broken one of my own bones myself, just to have her fix it!" she laughs. "But... is it a problem for you?"

"No, it's not," Arizona reassures her. "As long as you don't start fangirling over her - she already believes she's a superstar." She pushes herself up on her right arm, just to lean in again for a quick kiss.

"And as long as we stop talking about her right now!" she continues, before she moves her face closer to Eliza's and connects their lips again. They part as soon as they touch. The sensation of feeling Eliza's tongue against her own, of being this close to her, for the first time in what feels like forever, makes her shiver. She feels like a school girl, getting all happy over a simple make-out session. But she doesn't care. Right now, this is all she needs - even though she quickly finds out this might not be the best idea, as the lack of air is not doing her spinning head any good.

They break their kiss and just look at each other. Two idiots in love.

"Deal," Eliza smiles, before lifting her head and quickly stealing another kiss.

"Good, I'm glad that's settled," Arizona chuckles, as she lays down again. "Now, back to my question, because I won't believe that finding out your doctor's identity was the biggest news today - although I honestly wish it was. Tell me, how are you?"

Eliza wriggles a little, like she's suddenly uncomfortable. "I told Shepherd she can do the operation. She can use my left leg to fix my right one," she sighs.

Arizona softly exhales. "How does that make you feel?" she asks, unconsciously repeating Teddy's earlier question.

Eliza doesn't answer, and Arizona doesn't push her. They stay quiet for a while. Then, just when Arizona feels like maybe she took it too far, Eliza speaks up.

"Scared," she just says. "I feel scared."

As Arizona looks up she can see a tear rolling down Eliza's face. She remembers how Teddy just told her to kiss them away, but something withholds her, even though it breaks her heart to see Eliza like this. Those tears have been in there too long already. So instead she just holds her, as tight as she possibly can without hurting her.

"It's okay," she whispers. "It's okay to be scared."

Eliza cries, and then cries some more. And Arizona just lets her. Until she can feel how Eliza's chest slowly calms down a little, how she's able to breathe again. "It's okay," she tells her once more, "it's a lot to take in."

Eliza takes a deep breath. "Are we sure this isn't one of your nightmares?" she asks, her voice hoarse from crying, and full of despair. "Does it has to be real?"

Arizona takes her hand, kisses it, then holds it close to her heart. "Soon, yes. But not yet, if you don't want it to be. There's time."

"For pretending?" Eliza mumbles through her tears.

"Sure," Arizona answers. "You know, I was thinking... I'm not so sure about that monkey thing, but there is this beach at the Bahama's where you can swim with little piggies..."

... ...


	11. Chapter 11

Of course it's raining today. The universe just seems to work that way - always ready to make things even more depressing than they already are.

The turnout is big. Lots of family and friends, all gathering together and seeking shelter under their black umbrellas.

Lots of people from the hospital as well. Bailey is here, and so is Webber. Amelia, together with Owen. Jackson, April, Meredith. And then there are the residents. Wilson, Warren and many others.

She joins them. They walk slowly. No one is talking. For some reason Radiohead's Exit Music starts playing in her head.  _"Today we escape. We escape."_

It was a track on Tim's favorite album. He listened to it so often, and so loud, that it drove her crazy more than once. But the music stopped, because he joined the army - barely twenty years old - and never returned to bother her again with it. What she wouldn't give to hear him play this just one more time...

Arizona isn't surprised that her brother is with her today - he always is on moments like this. And sadly he finds himself in some good company these days. Mark, Lexie, Nick, Derek... they're all here. Right now, they're all close to her. Even the baby - her baby, that she never got to meet, and that she never talks about, is with her. In her mind. In her heart.  _"Breathe. Keep breathing. I can't do this alone."_

She wonders if it's a general thing. If at this moment, in some mysterious way, all these people around her are back together with everyone they've lost as well. Just for a little while. If that's why it looks like no one is really here.

The group comes to a halt. Thom Yorke keeps singing in her head.  _"Now we are one. In everlasting peace."_

A man she doesn't know steps forward, turns around and faces them. He clears his throat.

"We are here today to honor and pay tribute to the life of Stephanie Edwards," he starts. The rain gets worse.

 

* * *

 

They lie next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, both staring at the ceiling. For some reason the room seems darker than before. Maybe they removed one of the monitors today?

"How was it?" Eliza asks her.

When she thinks back of this afternoon a lump gets stuck in her throat. She swallows to get rid of it. It doesn't work. "Incredibly sad," Arizona sighs.

Eliza takes her hand into her own. Their fingers entwine. "I wish I could have been there with you.  _For_  you."

"You've got other things to worry about," Arizona mumbles, her thumb gently caressing Eliza's.

"Still," Eliza shrugs.

For a while they don't talk. They don't move either, except for their hands, their fingers mindlessly playing together. Then, quite suddenly, Arizona rolls to her side and crawls against Eliza, who lifts her arm at the exact same time to welcome her as if she was waiting for it.

"Don't die on me, okay?" Arizona whispers.

Eliza kisses the top of her head. "I won't."

 

* * *

 

"Alright, this seems to be healing properly. Skin looks fine, no signs of infection. How does it feel? Any pain or discomfort?"

She's back in the procedure room, where DeLuca carefully touches her leg. "No, nothing like that," Arizona answers. "It's just a scratch."

"Yeah, an extremely deep one!" DeLuca points out, while adjusting a new bandage. "You've been very lucky, you could have easily cut a nerv-" He abruptly stops talking and looks up at her, a little embarrassed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, you're right. I was the lucky one," she sighs.

Not really knowing what to say, he just nods. "I think we can remove these stitches in a week from now." When Arizona doesn't respond, he gets up and takes his pen light out of his chest pocket. "Okay, moving on. How are the headaches?" he asks, as he takes a close look at her pupils.

"Almost gone," she answers truthfully. "Just like all the other symptoms. No nausea, no dizziness. Excellent memory... unfortunately."

DeLuca takes a seat again. "So you feel good?" he asks.

"Yes, I fee- No, actually, I just feel better," Arizona reacts, correcting herself halfway.

He nods, understanding the subtle difference here. "Dr. Shepherd asked me to see if you can be cleared for work again. How do you feel about that? Do you think you're ready?"

Arizona looks thoughtful. "Physically, yes. But to be honest..." She falls quiet.

"What?" DeLuca looks at her, his eyes questioning.

"You're on my side, right?" she asks him.

He smiles at her. "I told you I am. What do you need?"

"Time," she answers. "Eliza's surgery is in two days. I want, no, I need to be there when that's over. When she wakes up, and the tough part is really starting. But I can't be if I'm expected to be back at work. If I might be in the OR myself. Trapped."

For a short moment they look at each other in silence, both of them knowing what Arizona's real question is. Then DeLuca grabs the iPad from the utility table and starts writing down the results of his examination.

"You will probably hear from her about this, but I'm afraid I'll have to tell Dr. Shepherd that you didn't take your rest like she told you to," he warns her, his eyes glued to the screen. "Your neurological test shows clear signs of balance and coordination problems, as well as concentration issues."

He looks up at her.

"I'm really sorry. Based on these results, I can't clear you for duty yet."

 

* * *

 

"You moved!" Arizona exclaims as she walks into Eliza's new room, which is no longer on the ICU.

"I did," Eliza grins. "Kepner came to see me today. Checked my incisions and was all happy about it. She told me how she'd already looked at the scans the other day. Just like my head, everything in here is doing fine," she tells Arizona, while pointing at her stomach. "So I'm not a trauma patient anymore!"

"Yay!" Arizona cheers. "That really is good news!"

Eliza gazes at her, a soft smile on her lips. "I'm glad you're here. Not just sharing the bad things with me, but the good things, too. This isn't just my victory, you know."

Not able to stop it, an endearing grin appears on Arizona's face. "As it never is," she winks, before bending in for a kiss. When their lips break apart, she looks around. "So how's the new room?"

"Well, it's not the Hilton," Eliza shrugs, "but it will do. I guess it's a little less depressing than the other one. And most importantly: this window has blinds as well!"

Arizona can't help but laugh. "It does, huh," she smiles suggestively, as she walks up to the window to close those blinds, as well as the door next to it. "I think you're right. What else could you wish for? Now is it just me, or does your bed look a bit bigger, too?"

Eliza shakes her head. "I'm afraid that's just the lack of wires around me. See, only one left," she says, while lifting her right hand.

"Oh, but that makes me happy, too. Cause I do have to admit, I was a little scared of accidentally pulling them loose in my sleep. Or, you know, getting strangled by one," Arizona smirks sheepishly, while climbing up and laying down next to Eliza. She carefully drapes her arm around her and rests her chin on Eliza's shoulder.

"Hey again," she softly hums.

Eliza turns her head to face her, smiles again and kisses her. "Hey," she whispers in return. "And how are you?"

"I am... actually doing better," Arizona tells her, a little surprised by her own answer.

"No more demons?" Eliza asks cautiously.

"None. Well, at least not when I'm awake," Arizona answers, "And not when I'm with you."

"You'd better stay with me then," Eliza winks. "Except..." Suddenly lost in her thoughts, she falls silent.

"Except what?" Arizona asks her, confused by the abrupt change.

Eliza lifts her hand and gently touches Arizona's face.

"Except when I'm in surgery. It's gonna be long, and nerve-wrecking - no pun intended, hopefully!" she quickly adds, "And there's nothing you can do, which will drive you crazy."

Arizona stares at her, stunned. "You can't ask me not to be there!"

"I can. And I am." Eliza tilts her head, resting it against Arizona's. "You just have a great day with your little girl. And tell me all about it when it's over."

For a second Arizona keeps quiet. "Maybe I'll ask her to tell you herself," she muses. "Would that be okay?"

Eliza bends in and kisses her gently. "That would be even better."

 

* * *

 

"Hey, what's with the scrubs?" Amelia looks puzzled. "You're not back, are you? DeLuca told me he couldn't clear you yet."

Arizona looks down at her scrubs for a second, as if she hadn't realized that she's wearing them till now - although she just slipped them on. "No. No, I'm not, I'm just visiting. I uh, I spilled some coffee." She doesn't want to tell that she's done with sleeping in her jeans.

"You know, if you don't like the coffee here, instead of making a statement like this, you might just wanna make them sell good coffee. Don't forget you own this place," Amelia laughs, holding the door open for her as they both leave the attendings' lounge.

They walk through the hallway together, heading for the same direction. "I heard Eliza has left the ICU," Amelia changes the subject.

"Yes, she's doing well," Arizona nods. "Out of the woods! I can only hope that she always recuperates this quickly. Knowing what's ahead..."

They both stop when they reach the elevator. Amelia presses the button, then looks at her. "Big day tomorrow, huh? Are you ready for it?"

Arizona doesn't answer, but turns the question around instead. "Are you?"

"I am," Amelia smiles at her, reassuring. "Don't you worry about that."

"Hm, just make sure you're well rested and all," Arizona mumbles.

"Just like you, I assume?" Amelia snorts, before laying her hand on Arizona's shoulder and looking her in the eyes. "I promise you I'll have a good night of sleep. In my own bed. Unlike some others around here," she says, suggestively raising her brows.

Arizona gazes at her in astonishment. "You know?!" she cries out.

"Of course I know," Amelia laughs out loud. "You were on the ICU, we have nurses checking in there pretty much every hour. They talk!" She gets interrupted by the bell of the elevator, walks in and turns around. "Remember though, no more of that after tomorrow! Those pretty legs of hers will be way too vulnerable."

"We- We won't," Arizona mumbles.

The bell rings again. "And maybe put a chair in front of that door tonight!" Amelia winks.

As the doors are about to close, Arizona comes to her senses. "Wait! Why didn't you say anything?"

Amelia shrugs.

"Cause I would probably do the same," she answers matter-of-factly. "Plus, like I said, you own this freaking place. Who am I to kick you out of your own bed?!"

 

* * *

 

"So this will be our last sleepover, huh? We'd better make it count then," Eliza whispers seductively as she pulls Arizona towards her with her left arm, while her right hand sneaks under the hem of her scrub top.

"Careful for that wire-" Arizona tries to warn her, but Eliza already quiets her by capturing her lips. She moans when Eliza eases her tongue inside, and she surrenders straight away. Quickly their kiss grows more passionate, more heated.

Well aware that she needs to be very careful, yet not able to stop herself, Arizona presses her body against Eliza's. "We shouldn't do this," she breathes against her lips.

Eliza claims her mouth again for another deep kiss, then mumbles, "I don't think I can stop!"

Her fingers on Arizona's abdomen slide up higher, trailing over her rib cage, till they find her breast. Without any hesitation she slips her hand inside the cup of her bra, making Arizona suck her breath through her teeth. Realizing this is pretty much her last chance to do anything, she pulls away.

"Exactly," she sighs, as their eyes lock. "And that's when you will hurt yourself. Or worse, when I will hurt you."

"That's why the body invented oxytocin, and endorphins," Eliza counters. "Natural painkillers!" She carefully rises from the pillow, just enough to steal another quick kiss.

"So you won't feel a thing and thus hurt yourself even more? No, I can't- oooh!" Unwillingly another moan escapes her mouth, as Eliza's hand starts massaging her breast. The touch of her thumb, stroking her nipple, leaves her without words - and without self-control.

Like having a mind of its own now, her body takes over. She lowers herself again, pressing their lips together and losing herself in another long series of searing kisses. Without thinking she moves Eliza's strong leg a little bit more towards her, then presses her core against it in a rising need for friction. With Eliza's thigh between her legs, she slowly starts to grind into her.

Eliza moves her free hand to Arizona's ass, encouraging her movements by pulling her close against her. The building pressure makes Arizona gasp for air. She tilts her head, which exposes her neck. Eliza runs her tongue over the sensitive skin. When she starts sucking at her pulse point, Arizona can't help but whimper. Her heart is pounding in her chest and she feels like she can't breathe anymore - though in a very good way.

"We- We really have to stop now," she groans.

Eliza pulls her hand out from underneath Arizona's shirt and gently caresses her face, making her look at her again.

"Ssst, I won't hurt myself. I promise. I'm hardly moving. I'm still breathing fine. And with all these pain meds I don't think I can even... you know. So I won't be going crazy or anything," she reassures her. "I just want to be close to you."

Arizona swallows. She has to admit that Eliza does indeed sound like she's still in control.

"But just because  _I_  can't, doesn't mean..." Eliza continues as her hand slowly finds its way down, now slipping under the waist band of Arizona's pants. "Unless you want me to stop?" she quickly adds.

Arizona doesn't answer. Instead she seeks her lips again, while grabbing Eliza's hand and directing it further down. As they lose themselves in another lecherous kiss, Eliza's fingers slip between Arizona's legs, where they quickly find their way, sliding up and down through her slick, wet folds.

As soon as Eliza touches her, Arizona breaks their kiss to take a deep, sharp breath. Reluctantly, she forces herself to keep some distance - realizing, even with her mind being this clouded, that she doesn't want to take Eliza's breath away - not in the way Eliza is taking hers right now. Leaning on one arm, hovering close above her, she bites her lip as she feels how Eliza's fingertips graze over her swollen nub. They slowly start to rub in a circular, rhythmic motion.

"How's that?" Eliza whispers, her hot breath caressing her ear and making her quiver.

"Sooo-" Arizona moans, "So good!"

She closes her eyes - a desperate effort to stay focused, to keep her body under control; despite everything Eliza is doing to her, and loving every bit of it, she's still aware of their precarious situation. She doesn't want to cause any problems. Eliza, in the meantime, doesn't seem to worry at all, giving her a hard time when she's increasing the speed of her fingers.

"Look at me," she tells her.

Arizona opens her eyes again. Their faces are so close to each other, all she can see are Eliza's darkened, lusty eyes. It's like she's drowning in them. They are breathing the same air, though Arizona is stealing most of it, as she's heavily panting in Eliza's mouth by now. It's intimate. It's intense. It's like they're one.

"S-So close," she stammers, not just mentioning the distance between them.

It's Eliza's cue to add more pressure. Right when she does, she draws her lower lip between her teeth and starts to suck on it, trying to keep control... and telling Arizona she's definitely not as dazed as she pretends to be.

Arizona knows she should be worried about it, but she simply can't anymore. Just the thought, the image of...

It all becomes too much.

She gasps, shuts her eyes tight and feels her body tense, before it starts to jolt - shortly, yet uncontrollably. Her arm, shaking with the effort of holding herself up, finally buckles. She drops her body closely next to Eliza and rests her head on her shoulder.

Exhausted. Out of air. And speechless.

Eliza slowly retracts her hand, wipes it off and gently wraps her arm around the blonde. "You okay?" she asks.

Arizona, still trying to catch her breath, looks up at her. Another sigh escapes her. "Very okay."

She presses a sloppy kiss on Eliza's shoulder, not capable to lift herself up yet for anything else, anything more. Eliza just smiles at her, a content look on her face.

In a small attempt to get her voice back Arizona takes a deep breath. "How 'bout you? I didn't hurt you, did I?" she asks. Suddenly a worried look creeps over her face. "Shit, I moved too much! Did I hit your leg? How's your head, did you get enough ai-"

"Arizona, stop!" Eliza cries out. "I'm not asking you for a consult!"

A little embarrassed, Arizona exhales and closes her eyes. "Right. I'm your girlfriend, not your doctor." Realizing what she's actually saying right now, her eyes fly open again. "Wait, can I say that? Like... am I?"

Eliza bursts into laughter. "Yes, you can," she tells her, as she looks at her with a big smile on her face and a twinkle in her eyes. "And yes, you are."

"Your doctor?" Arizona playfully provokes.

"My girlfriend!" Eliza laughs. "My beautiful, caring, wise... slightly crazy... and very, very hot girlfriend."

... ...


	12. Chapter 12

"And look, there's the hospital! You see?" Arizona points at a big building, far away in the distance.

Sofia presses her nose against the glass.

"I do!" she exclaims, her eyes big and full of wonder. "I can't believe how high we are. We can almost touch the clouds!"

"We sure can," Arizona smiles as she crouches down next to her daughter. She gently brushes Sofia's raven black hair with her fingers, while they both gaze at the white veil clouds.

"I'll tell you a secret," Arizona quietly continues. "It's not just the clouds. Every time I'm up here I can almost touch you, too. Even when you're all the way in New York."

Sofia turns towards her, a puzzling look in her eyes. "How?" she asks.

"Remember on those days when we really miss each other, how we always remind each other that we are still under the same sky? Well, I figured, the closer I am to the sky, the closer I am to you," Arizona explains to her. "We are connected by the same clouds."

She watches how Sofia is trying to wrap her brain around this, giving her this look only kids can give you - like they're seriously doubting everything you say as they are always smarter than you'd think, and at the same time they're really hoping you are right, because it would be so great if you are.

Suddenly the little girl's face lights up, showing an enormous smile. "That's so cool!" she cheers.

"Right?" Arizona laughs, pulling her in for a light, playful hug. Yet their embrace quickly becomes more intense when Sofia tightens her arms around Arizona's neck, burying her face in her hair. Arizona mirrors her actions.

"I love you, Mommy," Sofia simply says.

Arizona pulls her in even closer and kisses her on the cheek. "I love you too, Pumpkin," she whispers.

Then, without any warning, she starts to tickle her and before they know it, they're both rolling on the floor of the Space Needle, laughing so loud that it makes all the tourists look at them instead of the view.

When they finally sit up Arizona needs a second to catch her breath, yet Sofia is already back at the big window, looking down again. "What else can we see?" she asks eagerly.

Arizona finds her place next to her again and points at a green area, not that far away. "You remember that place?"

Sofia squints her eyes to have a better look, then looks up at Arizona. "Is that Woodland Park?"

"It is," Arizona nods. "I heard one of the giraffes just had a baby last month. What do you think about visiting the little one? I bet she's almost as cute as you!"

Without answering Sofia jumps up and starts running to the elevator.

"I guess that's a yes," Arizona says to herself, while following her little girl towards the exit - not able to suppress the smile on her face, and not giving her mind any chance to wander off.

 

* * *

 

Being back in the hospital after such a happy, carefree afternoon in the zoo feels like a bitter reality check. Arizona has forced herself for hours not to think about Eliza's surgery, or at least not too much - not because she didn't care, but because she'd promised her, although kind of against her will.

But now the surgery is over, and so is playtime. Eliza is back in her own room, still asleep. One leg hidden under an even bigger framework than before, the other one lifted about a foot high by some traction device, probably to relieve the pressure on the nerves. In a way Arizona almost hopes that Eliza won't wake up any time soon, because the whole thing doesn't look comfortable... at all!

It's also pretty clear that Eliza's current leg-situation doesn't leave any space on the bed for, well... her. Knowing perfectly well that this isn't about her, or her needs, it still bugs her. She's human after all - or so she tries to defend her self-absorbed mind.

She sits down on the chair next to the bed and carefully takes Eliza's hand into her own. She doesn't know when and how Eliza will wake up, which is why she decided not to bring Sofia with her after all; Arizona is well aware that her daughter may partly grow up in hospitals due to her moms' jobs, but in the end it's still no place for kids to hang around more than they need to.  
Fortunately she'd been able to arrange some last-minute playdate with Zola. Meredith will bring her home later today, so she can spend the night at Arizona's before she and Callie have to leave again tomorrow. All together she's hardly been around for more than twenty-four hours, which is of course far too short. But it is as it is, and Arizona is determined to make sure that they really enjoy their time together.

Musing like this Arizona doesn't see the subtle movement in the bed. Neither does she notice how Eliza starts to blink against the bright light. It's her voice that makes her look up.

"Arizona?" she just asks, sounding groggy.

"I'm here!" Arizona exclaims, instantly jumping up from her seat, into Eliza's sight. She gently strokes her hair, before she presses a soft kiss on top of it. "Welcome back, babe!"

Eliza, still looking very sleepy, softly smiles at her. "How are you?" she asks, while rubbing her eyes.

"How am I? How are  _you_?" Arizona cries out, somewhat astonished by Eliza's question. "Are you in any pain?"

Eliza shakes her head. "No," she answers, as she raises her hand that's attached to the IV tube, "How could I be?"

Without too much thinking she tries to sit up straight, only to find out that she can hardly move. Glancing down she quickly discovers why. "Oh, but this isn't annoying at all," she remarks sarcastically.

"You're telling me you never lifted some legs like this,  _Doctor_  Minnick?" Arizona asks her, as she playfully raises her eyebrows.

"Oh I have, hundreds of times," Eliza sighs as she throws her head back in her pillow and her hands up in the air, shouting out: "Sorry everyone, I didn't know any better!"

Arizona chuckles, then gives her a sympathetic look. "You did though. And you still do - you do know why. And you know this is just part of it."

"A sucky part," Eliza grumbles.

"A very sucky part," Arizona agrees. They look at each other, understandingly. "You know what else sucks?" Arizona asks.

Eliza shrugs. "What?"

Arizona points behind her. "That chair. I hate it already!"

 

* * *

 

"I never thought I would ever miss just simply lying on my side this much," Eliza groans, twisting and wiggling her body in a hopeless attempt to get more comfortable. Arizona has adjusted the bed and pillows a little, but it doesn't seem to help.

She puts her hand on Eliza's shoulder, careful yet firm. "I know you do, but if you don't want to go through all of this again, you'd better lie still now!" she points out. "However you feel about it, you're bound to this bed for a whole while longer. You'd better become friends with it."

A small grin appears on Eliza's face. "Oh, I don't mind staying in bed a bit longer, I just wanna roll over... make some space for you. You know I'm an excellent big spoon, right? Like, if I could be a professional big spoon - if that was a thing - I definitely would be."

"I do know!" Arizona laughs. "Maybe you can try at the Olympics?"

Their laughter fills the room, right when Amelia and Callie walk in.

"Well, this is a good sign," Amelia notes. "Sorry to keep you waiting. How are you doing, Eliza?"

"You tell me!" Eliza answers, a little out of breath from laughing. "How did it go?"

Amelia takes her place next to the bed and turns around the iPad in her hands to show Eliza some post-op images of her legs.

"I have to say, the surgery couldn't have gone any better," she starts to tell. "As it turned out we needed a little less than an inch from your sural nerve - the donor nerve. As you know, nerves grow back at the rate of an inch per month, so hopefully you'll be able to start with therapy in about four weeks."

"Of course that won't mean you'll be actually back on your feet by then. That part will depend on the healing of your fractures," Callie adds. "They are all set now, but it might take a little longer than those four weeks before you can take the next step."

Eliza closes her eyes for a second, letting the information sink in. "Sounds like one hell of a puzzle," she states.

Amelia nods. "It is. It's gonna be complicated. But even though we know you could, you don't have to figure it out yourself. We created a comprehensive recovery plan, making sure you'll take the right steps at the right time."

"With step one being..?" Arizona asks.

"Rest," Amelia answers.

Arizona exhales loudly. "Of course it is!"

Amelia faces Eliza again. "The first weeks we will slowly start to reduce the pain medication. Needless to say that we don't want you to be in severe pain, but we do want to increase sensation, and later on strength as well. So don't feel like you're not doing anything, like you're just lying here. Your body will work like crazy to handle all of this."

"So it's gonna be both boring and uncomfortable," Eliza mumbles.

"There's a reason why 'patient' has a double meaning," Amelia remarks, showing a considerate smile.

Eliza looks at Callie again. "How 'bout this ironwork?"

"If all goes well, I expect that the external fixation can be removed in about two to three weeks," Callie answers. "I'm not sure about the internal fixation yet, they might choose to leave some parts in place. Like the screws and plates we used on your pelvic and the rod that holds your femur bone together. It all depends on your healing process."

"They?" Arizona asks.

Callie faces her. "Well, yeah, it will take at least four weeks before we can even say anything about it, let alone act on it. I won't be around then." She looks at Eliza again. "Which is okay, I don't need to be. It's an easy procedure."

"I know," Eliza answers dryly, "I might even do it myself."

Amelia rests her hand on Eliza's arm. "Let me know if you have any questions. And remember, the hard part is over." And with that, she and Callie both turn around.

Arizona looks at them as they leave the room. She knows they are right about the hard part being over, meaning it is over for  _them_. But for Eliza, Arizona thinks with a heavy heart, it is only about to begin.

... ...


	13. Chapter 13

"I can't believe you're leaving. I got so used to having you around again," Arizona sighs.

Teddy closes her suitcase and puts it upright. "I know," she says. "But I was never supposed to stay this long. My boss is already up my ass for weeks, rushing me to come back."

They leave the guestroom together and walk down the stairs.

"How do you feel about that? About going back - and leaving this place again?" Arizona asks.

"Well, it helps a lot to know how much progress Megan has made these last few weeks. That she really is doing a little better. Same for Owen and Nathan," Teddy answers, as she follows Arizona into the kitchen for one last cup of coffee together. "Leaving you behind is a whole different story though."

Arizona turns around, a confused look on her face. "Me?! Why? I'm doing fine! I haven't had any panic attack in weeks."

Teddy passes by her and takes two mugs from the cabinet. She pours fresh hot coffee into them, then puts them on the table. "Sit," she tells her friend.

"Why do I get the feeling that I'm getting a lecture here?" Arizona mumbles, her face suddenly wary. But she sits down anyway and gratefully accepts the coffee, folding both hands around the warm cup.

"You're not," Teddy smiles softly as she takes a seat as well. "A lecture would mean me telling you what to do. And you're a grown woman, you don't need that. But being an adult doesn't mean you're on your own. People are there when you ask for it."

Arizona glares at her, a frown on her forehead. "What is this about?"

"Your nightmares," Teddy answers. "I can't remember one night without hearing you scream at least once."

Arizona averts her eyes. "They're not  _that_  bad. And doesn't everyone have a bad dream sometimes?" She takes a big gulp of her coffee - mainly to hide her face behind the mug - not thinking about the fact that it's still hot and thus burning her mouth.

"Of course. There's a big difference between sometimes and always though," Teddy replies. She stretches her arm over the table and gently puts her hand on top of Arizona's. "Arizona, you look exhausted. And you're not telling me it's because you started working again."

As Arizona drops her shoulders a long sigh escapes her. "No, work is actually the one thing that's keeping me sane."

Teddy nods. "That's why you have to make sure you can keep doing that."

"How? Do you have a cure for disturbing dreams? Some on and off switch?" Arizona asks, a little agitated by now.

Teddy shakes her head. "I don't. But Dr. Campbell might. She's a PTSD expert. Does EMDR as well. She's been helping Owen these past weeks. I've seen her a couple of times as well." She points at the refrigerator. "I put her number up there."

Arizona looks up at her, somewhat surprised. "You've been to therapy!?"

"Well, yeah. I think it's never too late to get help," Teddy shrugs, "And it's definitely never too early."

Letting Teddy's words sink in, Arizona takes another sip of her coffee, a bit more careful this time. She puts her mug down with a small, sad smile on her lips and looks at her friend.

"I'm really gonna miss you, you know?" she sighs.

"I know," Teddy nods, as she mirrors Arizona's smile. "I'm really gonna miss you, too."

 

* * *

 

It's a busy day at the hospital and Arizona is enjoying every minute of it. The energy she gets from being useful again compensates for the tiredness that the lack of sleep is causing, and her current patient cases are interesting enough to distract her from her own worries.

This afternoon she has a complicated surgery planned with Karev; she'll be focusing on the mother, her protégé on the new born as soon as the tiny one takes his first breath. Or well, mostly a minute or so before that. It's been a while since the two of them worked together, so she really looks forward to it.

They've just been over the details of the procedure one more time as Alex looks up at her.

"So you're sure you're okay?" he asks her. "No spinning head or anything?"

"Alex, I'm fine," she reassures him. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't."

Alex furrows his brows, clearly not convinced. Arizona doesn't feel the urge to even try. "If I get vertigo I'll just ask you to stab me in the head with a scalpel," she continues, referring to that time she was dealing with serious phantom pain.

He makes a face, which makes her burst into laughter. "Lighten up man, I'm only joking! Really, I'm okay. I'm good to go!"

"Good," Alex nods, showing her that well-known crooked smile of his. "Sorry for being hard on you."

Arizona picks up their papers and shoves the whole pile in his hands. "Don't be," she says. "You care about your patient. I expect nothing less from you."

She turns around to leave, but he stops her halfway. "Wait, you're not joining me for Pre-op?"

"No, Warren will assist you with that," she informs him, while quickly glancing at the clock behind him. "I have another patient to visit."

Alex looks confused. "Which one?" he asks, as she walks away for real this time.

She looks over her shoulder and smiles at him, before answering, "My favorite one!"

 

* * *

 

"I'm so glad to see you back in your scrubs," Eliza cheers as soon as Arizona walks into her room.

"Still? I've been back at work for almost two weeks now!" Arizona chuckles.

Eliza shrugs. "I know. I'm just happy that at least one of us is doing well."

"Meaning you aren't?" Arizona frowns. "What's up? Are you in pain?"

"No, not too much," Eliza shakes her head. "I'm just done with this. I'm bored."

It's been three weeks since the nerve graft surgery. They removed the external fixation from Eliza's leg after ten days, and the traction device a couple of days later. But although this took away some of the discomfort, she's still not allowed to move around yet, and Amelia - being the one who knows her patient, not to mention her patient's girlfriend, pretty well by now - has been very clear about the vulnerability of the nerves and certain restrictions that go along with it.

"I know, honey," Arizona comforts her, as she gently kisses her on the top of her head. "But Shepherd told me your head is healing really well, you're even allowed to read again. And watch some tv..."

Eliza looks up at her. "I'd rather watch you," she remarks, waggling her eyebrows.

Arizona sits down in the chair next to the bed. The chair she still hates. "Well, I have to be in surgery in an hour, but I can give you a picture of me?" she laughs.

"What kind of picture?" Eliza asks suggestively, sitting up a little.

Arizona bursts into laughter. "Let's not go there, shall we? That side of me doesn't accidentally want to get lost in this hospital! Now, tell me, any news from Dr. Carlson?"

Eliza smacks her hand against her forehead. "Aaghr, I don't wanna think about Carlson when I'm just picturing you naked!" she grumbles.

"Then stop picturing me naked!" Arizona snorts, shaking her head.

"I'm afraid I can't," Eliza answers, looking at her again. "I mean, have you ever seen  _you_? Naked... three dimensional... upside dow-"

"Minnick!" Arizona quickly cuts her off, amused and frustrated at the same time.

Eliza looks at her, her face all innocent. "Yes, Robbins?"

Arizona takes a deep breath, trying to stay calm, although partly just for show. "What did Carlson say?" she asks again.

"He said he'll remove a bunch of screws tomorrow. Assuming that goes well, I'll be discharged from the hospital next week. Allowed to continue my rehabilitation at home, as well as starting with therapy and all," Eliza answers, almost matter-of-factly.

"But that's amazing!" Arizona cries out, jumping up from her chair, then noticing Eliza doesn't seem to share her enthusiasm. "Wait, aren't you happy?"

Eliza clears her throat. "I am," she nods, "Of course I am. It's just that... There are all these conditions to be allowed to go home. One of them is having a physical and emotional support system. Which I don't have."

"What do you mean? You have me!" Arizona points out, while carefully taking a seat at the edge of the bed.

"Yes, of course," Eliza reacts, grabbing Arizona's hand and gently squeezing it as she continues, "But not at home. I've been so busy since I got here, I haven't even found myself a decent place yet. For now I just live in this crappy, tiny apartment. A shoebox. By myself. With not even a cat around to help me out."

Unwillingly, Arizona starts to laugh again. "Well, if you did had a cat I'm not sure if it would be that helpful to you."

"Yeah," Eliza agrees dryly, "Plus it would probably be dead by now!"

They fall quiet, both with a small smile on their lips, despite the heavy topic. Then Arizona suddenly leans in to connect their lips, drowning herself in a deep kiss. When she pulls back, their eyes meet.

"Like I said, you've got me."

Eliza snorts. "So what are you suggesting? You wanna join me in my little shoebox. Cause I'm warning you, even Harry Potter had more space in his cupboard under the stairs!"

Arizona ignores the cynicism. "I'm suggestion you come with me."

The sudden expression on Eliza's face tells her the thought really hasn't crossed her mind yet.

"Are you crazy?" she exclaims, baffled by Arizona's proposition. "We've only been dating for six weeks. I've been in here for four of them. Sleeping half of the time!"

"So?" Arizona shrugs.

Completely astounded, Eliza's eyes widen even more. "So it's way too early for us to live together!"

"Oh I totally agree," Arizona calmly reacts, surprising Eliza again, now with this lack of resistance. "That's why I'm not talking about living together. I'm just asking you to stay with me for a while, so you can focus on recovering in a house that's... well, still not Hogwarts or anything, but at least a normal size. And that - and I know this doesn't sound very sexy - also has a very helpful bathroom for people with leg-issues. And that has me to take care of you. And even Andrew DeLuca if needed."

Exhaling slowly, Eliza stares at their hands. She entwines their fingers.

"That's a lot of arguments. But I- I don't know. You know I love being around you, but... it just doesn't seem like a good idea. Me taking all your space. And also the fact that we're still getting to know each other. Something tells me this recovery is not going to bring out the best of me, and call me crazy, but that's not the side I want to show you. Especially since I planned on keeping you."

Arizona shows her a soft smile, although Eliza doesn't notice it; she's still focused on their hands.

"Don't worry about the space, I've got plenty," she tries to reassure her. "Teddy left this morning, so the guestroom is free. And... Hey, look at me!"

Eliza finally looks up, finding Arizona's face close to hers.

"I don't want to see the best of you, I want to see the real you!" Arizona goes on. She leans in for another quick kiss, then looks Eliza in the eyes again. "Okay?"

Eliza just nods, lost for words. Arizona stretches her arm and tugs a lock of hair behind Eliza's ear. A small grin sneaks onto her face.

_"_ _Just let life be kind and all will heal,"_  she quietly starts to hum.  _"Come with me, I'll take you home."_

Not able to keep a straight face any longer, Eliza cracks up. "Well, if you start to sing about it!"

"Is that a yes?" Arizona asks her, her eyes lighting up with hope.

"It's a yes," Eliza laughs, "Although I'm pretty sure neither of us honestly believes that I'll be staying in that guestroom!"

... ...


	14. Chapter 14

Five more days go by, in which Eliza goes through another successful surgery to get some screws and plates removed. Her pain medication gets further reduced to the point where intravenous therapy is no longer needed. Not being connected to an IV bag any longer is another step closer to home. But as Arizona finds out when she walks into the hospital room, the last hurdle is still waiting. And Eliza doesn't seem willing to take it yet.

"I'm not doing it, I'm not ready," she tells Dr. Carlson, who's standing next to her bed, resting his hand on a walker.

Arizona joins them, her eyes going from one to the other. "What's going on?" she asks them.

"He wants me to get up," Eliza snaps. "He wants me to walk!"

"Already?!" Arizona asks Dr. Carlson, confused by this sudden development. "Isn't that too soon? I'm pretty sure Dr. Torres was talking about at least four weeks. And Dr. Shepherd-"

"-agrees with me," Dr. Carlson interrupts her. He faces her. "We're ahead of schedule, that's true. But it's a good thing. Eliza has been recovering really well these last weeks. That's why we were able to remove most of the fixations already. And why she can almost leave this place."

Arizona tilts her head a little and narrows her eyes. "Almost as in two days, right?"

"Right," Dr. Carlson nods, " _If_ she's able to take a few steps by then. With no full-time support around at home, she needs to be able to help herself when needed. To get to the bathroom by herself, to start with."

"Hello! I'm right here!" Eliza shouts out.

Dr. Carlson turns back towards her. "I know, but you're not listening. Which is fine by me, as long as you know that you're not going anywhere unless you can get there on your own." When he turns around to leave the room his eyes meet Arizona's. She's not sure, but she thinks he's telling her good luck.

Once he's gone, Arizona sits herself down on the edge of the bed. "Well, that's a bit out of the blue," she mumbles.

Eliza avoids Arizona's eyes and starts biting her lip. "Well..." she quietly murmurs.

"What?" Arizona questions. "Isn't it?"

Clearly uncomfortable, Eliza clears her throat. "Not completely," she admits, finally looking at her again. "I knew it's the next step in the recovery plan. And one of the conditions to go home. Both he and that physical therapist guy have come by three times already this last couple of days."

Arizona can't hide the astonishment on her face. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Eliza shrugs. "I don't know. I guess I was afraid to disappoint you. I know you really want me to come home with you, but... I'm just not ready."

"Hey, I get that," Arizona says understandingly, before suddenly jumping off the bed and bouncing on her feet right next to it. "Let's get you ready then!"

"And that's probably the other reason!" Eliza continues, "I really don't want you to change into some hyperactive, perky cheerleader. Or worse, into my doctor. Teaming up with the rest of them."

"Oh..."

A little dispirited Arizona sighs and drops herself backwards into the chair. She closes her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. "You know we're kind of in this together, right?"

Eliza swallows, but doesn't answer. Instead she just stares at her feet. Arizona moves forward, resting her hand on Eliza's arm.

"Sweetie, you can't shut me out, just because you're afraid I might have an opinion - medical or otherwise. Because I can tell you already, I will have one. Because I am still a doctor. As are you. So you know thinking like one is second nature. There is no off-switch." Her thumb strokes the smooth skin of the arm she's still holding. A small, comforting gesture. "But that doesn't mean I will act on it. Or bother you with it. I promise you, the only one I'm teaming up with... is you."

She lowers her face, gently pressing the lightest kiss on Eliza's hand, followed by another one, and another one. Leaving a small, invisible trail. "I'm here for you if you let me," she whispers, looking up through her eyelashes.

Without a word Eliza lifts her hand a little and softly caresses Arizona's cheek. Arizona kisses the palm of her hand, a bit more firm now.

"We're in this together," she repeats herself.

Eliza nods at her. "I know," she says with a thin voice. "I'm sorry."

Arizona slowly exhales and sits up straight again, giving her a half-smile. "Let's forget about it! Now tell me what's going on. What's keeping you in this bed?"

"Two broken legs," Eliza groans, as she yanks the blanket away, like she feels the need to prove anything by showing the evidence.

Arizona frowns. "Do they hurt?"

"This one does," Eliza answers, pointing at her right leg, before lightly tapping at the other one. "This one feels like it doesn't even exist. From the knee down it's totally numb."

Arizona gets up and carefully lays her hand on Eliza's left shin. "All the time?" she asks.

"No, like half of the time. Sometimes there's some sensation," Eliza clarifies. "But it's a horrible feeling. Like when it's somewhere between sleeping and waking up, tingling like crazy. Painful even. It almost makes me long for the numbness."

"You're not getting enough analgesics?" Arizona questions out loud, a worried look on her face.

Eliza shakes her head. "No, I am. The dose is fine. I can ask for more, but-"

"-you prefer the pain?" Arizona finishes her sentence, a bit more sarcastic than she intends to.

"I prefer feeling anything - at all!" Eliza corrects her, her voice sounding harsh all of a sudden. "I'm supposed to get up on my feet, but I'm not allowed to put too much weight on the right one, and I hardly have any feeling in the left one. So as long as I don't grow a third one, I have no clue how to do this!"

Attempting to calm her down, Arizona rubs Eliza's leg, not knowing if she's actually feeling it. "Hey, I understand, okay? Believe me, I do."

Embarrassed by her outburst, Eliza averts her eyes. "Sorry," she apologizes again, "I- I forgot."

"Stop making apologies. You're going through a lot, you're allowed to be a little angry sometimes," Arizona smiles at her, reassuring.

For a second Eliza mirrors her smile, a hint of relief in her eyes. Then she heaves another sigh. "Seriously though, what kind of doctor am I? What kind of orthopedist!? I've been telling dozens of patients how to do this, and now... How am I supposed to do this?"

With her hand still on Eliza's shin, Arizona starts to trace the shape of her leg; her fingers brushing over the soft skin, following the contour of her calf, sliding down to her foot, before she gently squeezes it.

"I think you have to trust that it's here. That you can rely on it. That the bones won't give in. And the muscles are still strong." Her eyes find Eliza's. "Trust your body. Trust yourself."

"It's that easy, huh?" Eliza mumbles.

Arizona shakes her head, a thoughtful look on her face. "No, it's not. It's a freaking mind game. You need to stay focused, and it will be exhausting." She lets go of Eliza's foot and takes her hand instead. "Also, obviously, you shouldn't forget your arms. I mean, who are we kidding, they've got to do the real job here!"

Eliza makes a face. "How strong do you think I am?"

"Oh, I'm not even going to answer that question!" Arizona laughs. "You're an orthopedic surgeon, you break bones for a living. Meaning you are just fishing for compliments now!"

Eliza shrugs, a little grin spreading on her face. "Can't blame a girl for trying."

Arizona chuckles, but quickly falls quiet again when she notices the worried look in Eliza's eyes - she might be joking, but she really doesn't seem convinced of her own capabilities.

"Listen, no one is asking you to walk across the country. You hear me? No one! But you have to be able to take care of yourself, and just like a thousand mile journey, that _does_ begin with a single step. Or well, a few steps maybe. You know my bedroom is connected to my bathroom, right? So it's gonna be like six steps," she says, trying to take away Eliza's hesitance without being to pushy. "Four if I move the bed a little."

"Okay," Eliza tells her with the slightest nod.

"Okay?" Arizona asks, eyes questioning and trying not to sound too hopeful, in case she's just misunderstanding.

Eliza sits up straight. "Yes, okay."

"Okay! Yay!" Arizona cheers, then quickly following as she notices Eliza's face, "Yeah, no, there's no off-switch on the perkiness either."

A tensed laugh escapes Eliza's lips. "You wouldn't be you without it," she says, showing an endearing smile.

Arizona scoots forward to help Eliza to the edge of the bed, but suddenly stops herself. "Do you want me to get Carlson?"

Eliza looks up at her. She smiles and shakes her head. "No, I think he's the wrong kind of bait. You're the one that gets me going."

"Great, now I feel like a carrot!" Arizona playfully mumbles.

With Arizona's support, Eliza carefully dangles her legs down. Arizona puts the walker in front of her. "Whenever you're ready," she encourages her.

About to move forward, Eliza suddenly lingers. "I think I need a kiss first," she ponders.

"I'd say come and get it," Arizona laughs.

Eliza takes a deep breath, then slowly exhales. "Okay, in that case I'm ready."

She puts her arm around Arizona's shoulder, holding her tight to get all the support she needs. Arizona wraps her arm around Eliza as well. "Now, hold on to me and carefully put your feet on the ground. It's okay, I've got you."

Slowly, Eliza lets herself slide off the bed. After almost a month she's on her feet again. A deep sigh escapes her.

"It's okay," Arizona tells her again. "You're doing great. Just... lean on me.  _When you're not strong, a_ _nd I'll be your friend..."_

Eliza grumbles. "Oh no, not the singing again!"

 _"...I'll help you carry on,"_  Arizona continues like she hasn't even heard Eliza, while carefully moving Eliza's hands to the walker.

Almost too distracted to realize that she's actually standing on her own by now, albeit with trembling arms, Eliza looks up at Arizona. "Stop it, will you!" she pleads.

Arizona helps her take the first very small step, then takes a stand in front of her.

"Make me," she winks, as she takes a small step backwards, making sure she stays in reach whenever Eliza suddenly does need more support again.

Eliza cautiously shuffles forward. Slowly, inch by inch. Despite her full concentration, she looks up at Arizona again. "I feel like a baby, learning to walk."

Arizona grins at her. "You're sure? You look more like a grandma to me."

"Hey, this is hard okay!" Eliza cries out without stopping to move forward. She has almost closed the distance between the two of them.

 _"Nobody said it was easy,"_  Arizona softly chants, a mischievous sparkle in her eyes and slowly taking another step backwards.

Eliza takes a sharp breath. "You're not making this any better!"

Arizona puts her hands in the air, surrendering. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry."

As she watches how Eliza keeps getting closer to her, how she's not giving up despite her pain, she suddenly remembers how she herself almost did - how she almost gave up. How for a brief moment she'd been thinking of running away. Leaving the best thing that happened to her in a long time. What the hell was she thinking? Who cares if things are scary when they make you feel crazy happy as well?!

And Eliza does. God, she does, Arizona realizes, as she feels the swell of emotion in her chest rising to her throat.

Eliza, in the meantime, is starting to struggle. "I think I'm done," she pants, pulling Arizona back into the moment.

"You're doing really, really great. Just two more feet," Arizona cheers. "Just- Just one more song."

"It better be good," Eliza sighs, eyes on the floor and not having the energy to fight it or joke around anymore.

Arizona doesn't answer. Instead she starts singing again, softly and from the heart.  _"Have I told you lately..."_

Eliza abruptly stops moving. She looks up. Their eyes lock, while Arizona continues - quietly, like she's sharing a secret.

 _"...that I love you?_ _"_

They gaze at each other, a sudden silence falling over the room. Then, at the exact same moment, they both take a last step forward, closing the small distance between them. When their lips crash into each other Arizona feels like Eliza's legs are not the only ones that can't be fully trusted, as her own are shaking as well.

Their kiss is short though, as Eliza - already out of breath from all her effort - is forced to break it. Arizona quickly wraps her arms around her, making sure to keep her up her feet. Just about to help her back to the bed, Eliza stops her and pulls her in for a tight embrace.

Without saying anything, she buries her face in Arizona's hair, breathing her in, before she slowly moves her lips towards her ear.

"I love you, too."

... ...


	15. Chapter 15

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Arizona asks for the tenth time since they got home, less than two hours ago.

Eliza smiles at her. "I'm fine. How could I not be? I'm finally in a decent sized bed, without random people walking in my room all the time. There's food - real food! - for like a week on this nightstand..." She cocks her head and stretches her arm, "... and you are here."

Arizona takes her hand and sits down on the bed. "But how are your legs? Aren't you in pain? You must be exhausted from just getting here?!"

"You make it sound like I walked all the way here!" Eliza laughs. "Really, I'm good. Well, except-"

"Except what?" Arizona asks eagerly.

Eliza pulls a face, like she's confused. "Except I'd hoped to find my girlfriend here. But apparently she traded places with some over-enthusiastic nurse."

"Oh, shut up!" Arizona laughs, looking a bit embarrassed - and thus really cute. "Tell me then, what do you need from  _me_?"

A hint of a grin appears on Eliza's face as she quickly pulls Arizona towards her. "Well, to start with, I need you here right next to me!"

Arizona squeals as she tumbles on top of Eliza, but abruptly stops laughing when a cry of pain escapes Eliza's lips. Realizing she accidentally hit her leg with her elbow, she jumps up again. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I didn't want to hurt you," she starts apologizing, hardly giving Eliza any time to react.

"Arizona, you didn't do anything," Eliza tries to calm her down, "I did this. And I'm fi- Where are you going?"

"Getting you some ice," Arizona calls over her shoulder, as she's already leaving the room.

Eliza sits up straight and tries to get a glimpse of her, but she's already around the corner. "I don't need any ice," she shouts. "I'm okay!"

Too upset to hear anything, Arizona keeps running to the kitchen, where she grabs some ice cubes from the freezer and puts them in a towel. She curses herself for being this stupid. When she gets back into the bedroom, she opens her mouth for more apologies, but Eliza cuts her off straight away.

"Stop. Hey! Seriously, stop! It's not your fault," she tells her with a firm voice, "And I'm fine. Really!"

Arizona takes a deep breath. "Really?"

"Really," Eliza laughs, "I'm okay. I'm not made of pape-"

This time it's Eliza who get's interrupted, as the beeping sound of Arizona's pager suddenly fills the room. Arizona drops her shoulders, sighing.

"Are you kidding me?" she murmurs. She quickly checks the message, then looks at Eliza again. "911. I've got to go."

  

* * *

 

Hours later, Arizona finds herself in the scrub room of OR 2. They paged her for a good reason, but now that she's done, she really wants to go back home. As she rinses the soap off her hands, April and Alex walk in and join her at the sink.

"That was close," April sighs. "How about a drink at Joe's? We sure deserve one," she asks the others.

Arizona shakes the water of her hands and turns around to get a paper towel. "I can't," she answers, "I need to go home."

"Ooh, that's right, Eliza left the hospital. It's true then? She moved in with you?" April asks, a sparkle of disbelief in her eyes.

Alex faces her as well. "You and Minnick are living together? Already?!" He whistles through his teeth.

Arizona doesn't give him the opportunity to share his opinion. "No, we're not living together. She's just staying with me. Till she's back on her feet again."

Both April and Alex just look at her, two skeptical faces waiting for more. Arizona sighs. "Come on, don't act like this is weird or anything. This is what we all do, right? Taking care of each other. I mean, you stayed with me once!" she tells April.

"I wasn't sleeping with you," April points out.

Arizona ignores her and looks at Alex. "... and I stayed with you for a while, when I needed a place," she continues her plea.

"Is she in your bed?" he asks.

Trying to stay calm, Arizona deeply inhales, then slowly exhales. "Of course she is, she's my girlfriend."

Alex makes his 'sorry dude' face and shakes his head. "Yeah, no, she ain't going anywhere."

"Nope," April agrees with him, before Arizona can even say anything. "Congratulations my friend, you're living together!"

 

* * *

 

When Arizona gets home it's already past midnight. The lights are off and the house is totally quiet. She walks into the bedroom, cautious not to make a sound. Eliza is asleep in the middle of the bed, or actually kinda diagonally across it - clearly enjoying the fact that she has some space again. The sight makes Arizona hesitate. Eliza looks so peaceful, she definitely doesn't want to wake her up by moving her a bit. But if she doesn't, there's hardly any space left for her. And unlike before, Eliza's legs are no longer protected anymore.

She goes back to the living room and sits down on the couch, telling herself she isn't tired anyway. She'll have another look in like half an hour. Who knows, maybe Eliza miraculously moves to the side in the meantime.

She turns on the tv and flips through the channels for a minute, till she finds an old Friends episode. It's the one where Ross is about to have a baby, but is too busy fighting his ex-wife's girlfriend about their new positions. Phoebe tells them to get a grip, reminding them:  _"Here's this little baby who has three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most, and it's not even born yet. It's just the luckiest baby in the whole world!"_

Arizona can't help but smile, feeling a little melancholic. She closes her eyes as her mind wanders off. Seven years ago her own situation wasn't that different. It feels like a lifetime ago... ...

She wakes up in cold sweat, panting. She can still hear her own screaming. Was that out loud or just in her dream? She doesn't know.

As the sun is already rising and she has an early shift anyway, she decides she might as well get up. After switching on the coffee machine, she quietly moves to the bedroom. However, before she reaches the bathroom at the other side, it turns out she doesn't have to walk on her toes.

"Arizona?" Eliza mumbles, sounding groggy, "What's going on?"

Arizona turns towards her. "Ssst, it's nothing," she shushes. "I'm just getting a quick shower. You go back to sleep."

Eliza sits up and wipes the sleep from her eyes. "Were you screaming?"

Caught off guard, Arizona freezes for a second. "Maybe," she answers carefully. She really doesn't want to bug Eliza with her issues.

"You sounded really scared," Eliza mentions, taking maybe as a yes. "I've never heard you like that before." She looks worried.

Arizona takes a seat on the edge of the bed. "That's because somehow I don't dream like that when I'm close to you," she confesses. "I'm sorry for waking you. For scaring you."

"Don't be," Eliza tells her, while taking her hand. She gives it a soft squeeze. "Where were you?"

"On the couch," Arizona answers. "You uh... I- I unintentionally fell asleep there."

Eliza gives her an examining look. "You look weary. Come here, sleep some more. I'll keep the monsters away," she invites her, while lifting up the blanket.

"I can't," Arizona sighs, "I need to run. Another day at the hospital for me." She gets up, then lowers herself down again for a quick peck, before she continues her way to the bathroom.

When she walks back into the bedroom, hardly ten minutes later, Eliza is sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the walker in front of her.

"Need a hand?" Arizona asks her.

Eliza bites her lower lip. She looks like she's solving a puzzle. "I'm afraid so," she admits, a little reluctant. "The bed is a bit too low, I don't think I can stand up."

Arizona scoots forward. "That's alright, I'll help you." She swings her arm around Eliza's waist and gently helps her up her feet. Eliza glares at the bathroom door.

"Just six steps, huh?"

"Well, with your baby-steps... maybe ten," Arizona shrugs, while making sure she stays close by as Eliza slowly shuffles towards the bathroom. Walking, even these small distances, is still a huge challenge for her. "But when you're there, there's place enough to sit, and not just on the toilet. It's like a Walhalla of chairs in there. I promised you an unsexy bathroom right? Well, you're almost there!" Arizona encourages her.

After she helps Eliza in the bathroom, Arizona quickly gets back to her room to get her some clean clothes. "I'm sorry, I haven't had time for your laundry yet," she tells Eliza when she re-enters the bathroom. "You can wear this one again. I can go by your place to get more of your own stuff on my way home tonight, if you want."

Eliza takes the pair of shorts Arizona is handing her. It's the one she was wearing weeks ago, the morning of the explosion - it's washed, but she can still vaguely see the coffee stain. By the way she looks around, Arizona can tell that she's trying to figure out what's the easiest way for changing - standing up or sitting down. Knowing in this stage it's actually laying down, but glad that Eliza is actually up for a moment, she decides not to mention it.

"Let me help you," she just offers, without asking.

When Eliza is done, she moves back to the bed - the living room simply being too far away. "Well, that was quite the morning, I think I need to go for another nap," she sighs as she's partly back under the covers. Then she suddenly seems to remember something. "Wait, shit, I forgot, Pablo will come by this morning!"

Arizona looks up. "The physiotherapist? That's great," she cheers, secretly a little relieved that Eliza won't be on her own all day. Eliza doesn't seem to share her enthusiasm though. Arizona sits down on the bed as well and pulls her in for a kiss, which tastes like toothpaste. "You'll do great," she whispers.

 

* * *

 

Two surgeries and one very long board meeting later Arizona opens her front door again. As she walks into the living room, she's taken over by surprise. "You're in here!" she exclaims, "In a... wheelchair! You did some online shopping today?"

"Pablo arranged it," Eliza smiles. She gives one of the wheels a spin, making it turn around without great difficulties, then starts to laugh when Arizona's face gives away how impressed she is. "As a resident, I used to race my patients through the hospital to motivate them. Lots of fun. Who knew those skills would come in handy, huh?"

Arizona just nods, still processing this sudden change. "I'm so glad you can move around a bit this way. And it's probably easier to get up from as well." Noticing how one of her legs is stretched out, she wonders if things really are that easy though. She narrows her eyes, looking pensive as she checks her own living room. "Are you sure you have enough space like this? I can move some stuff to the side if you want."

"I'm good," Eliza answers. "I'm really glad you chose the downstairs bedroom as your own though!"

Arizona taps on her prosthetic leg. "There's a reason for everything," she smiles. "So how are you? How was therapy?"

"It was alright. Nothing crazy yet," Eliza starts to explain. "We went over the recovery plan together. He'll be visiting twice a day these first couple of weeks. No exercises yet, just massages for at least a week. Getting those muscles flexible again. And hopefully increase the sensation."

Suddenly realizing how tired her own legs are by now, Arizona drops herself down on the couch.

"Massaging? Isn't that painful? That sural nerve isn't even fully recovered yet," she wonders out loud, frowning.

"Which makes me not feel anything in the first place, remember? So no, it's not painful," Eliza points out. "You could do it too, you know?" She raises her brows, clearly suggesting more than just another therapy session.

Arizona doesn't jump up to take her chance though. Instead, she avoids her eyes.

"I don't think I should," she mumbles, before getting up and making her way to the kitchen. She can hear how Eliza follows her, which isn't helping, since she doesn't know what to say, what to do anymore.

"I knew I shouldn't have come here," the voice behind her tells her, sounding hurt all of a sudden.

Arizona turns around, a shocked expression on her face. "What? How can you- What are you talking about?"

"Twenty-four hours and you're already done with me," Eliza states.

"Done with you? How can you say that? I'll do anything for you!" Arizona cries out.

Eliza gets closer to her, looking her straight in the eyes. Arizona stares back at her, noticing the pain in her girlfriend's eyes. What's going on?

"Just tell me you don't feel it anymore. You still care, obviously, but you don't  _feel_  it anymore. And I get it. Who wants someone, longs for someone, who can't even-"

"You think I don't want you anymore, just because you need some bathroom help? How shallow do you think I am?!" Arizona calls, bewildered.

This time it's Eliza who averts her eyes. "Don't tell me you're not keeping your distance since I'm here. You don't touch me - not  _really._  You hardly kiss me. You even slept on th-"

"Because I don't want to hurt you!" Arizona blurts out, kneeling on the floor so she can face her. "Jesus Eliza, can't you see I'm just so, so freaking scared to hurt you, or harm you! Like yesterday when-"

"You didn't hurt me yesterday!" Eliza cuts her off. "Yes, you hit me with your elbow and I said ouch, but you hit me on my left thigh - a part of me that's completely healthy. Which yes, in a reflex made me say ouch. Because that's what people say when they got hit by an elbow! Normal people, which the last time I checked, we still are."

Tongue-tied, Arizona falls quiet.

"Oh," she just mumbles. She hangs her head a little, but Eliza gently touches her chin, making her look up at her again.

"Please tell me I was wrong, too!" she begs her.

Arizona blinks, then suddenly notices the tears in Eliza's eyes. "You really think I don't want to touch you?" she asks in return.

Eliza just nods.

Struck by her pain, her despair, Arizona slowly shakes her head. "Please, never ever think that I don't want you, okay?"

To convince her, but also because she simply can't wait any longer, she cups Eliza's face, gently pulls her close and kisses her - and not just for a second. She feels the quivering of her lips against Eliza's. Or maybe it's the other way around. Or maybe it's both of them. Kissing while crying is never easy.

When their lips break apart, Arizona rests her forehead against Eliza's.

"Longing for you doesn't even begin to describe it. I'm  _craving_  for you. Touching you -  _really_  touching you," she reassures her, still fighting against the lump in her throat, "it's  _all_  I want."

... ...


	16. Chapter 16

Leaning backwards to create some space between them again, Arizona looks Eliza in the eyes. "Do you believe me?" she asks her.

Eliza shows her a small, relieved smile. "I do," she nods.

"Good," Arizona mirrors her smile. "And do you also get that, even though I really want to, I won't throw you onto that table to screw your brains out?"

Not able to help herself, Eliza bursts into laughter. "I get that, too," she giggles, "And that's okay, I'm not asking you to."

She takes Arizona's hands and places them onto her thighs, one on each side, showing her she can handle a little pressure. "I'm just asking you to trust me."

This time it's Arizona who just nods. She keeps her eyes on her hands as they slowly start to trace the contours of Eliza's thighs, of the tight muscles of her upper legs. She bends in to press a kiss on her knee, then softly grazes her lips over the incision line on the right leg. By the looks of it, she can tell it's healing really well.

She looks up again. "How would you feel about taking a bath... together?"

Eliza's eyes light up. "I think I would feel really good about that," she smiles. "Do you think I can though? With the incisions I mean?"

"We'll have to check," Arizona answers truthfully. "I can check - if you want me to?"

Eliza looks at her, thoughtfully, then slowly nods. "Okay, I allow you to be my doctor for one minute."

Arizona chuckles. "Well, it's about time. Finally a legitimate reason to get you out of those shorts!" she winks.

She helps Eliza to lower the garment, then washes her hands thoroughly before she kneels down to have a close look. Eliza has three incisions at her right side; one in her thigh, one in her hip bone and one in her pelvis. They are all fully closed by now. Soaking in some hot water shouldn't be a problem.

Arizona moves to Eliza's left leg and lifts it up a little, taking a look at her calf. "Okay, I do get the massage suggestion now," she notes, "This one is healing really well."

She gets up again. "You're all good!"

"Yay!" Eliza cheers, making Arizona chuckle again. She suddenly feels a little nervous, but doesn't want to show it. This shouldn't be about her, especially since it's probably a bit scary for Eliza as well, for way better reasons.

They move to the bathroom together, where Arizona opens the tap and the bath slowly starts to fill with warm water. "Are you okay?" she asks, as she turns towards Eliza, only to find out that she pulled off her top and bra already.

"Very okay," a half-naked Eliza grins.

Arizona swallows. "Very okay indeed," she mumbles.

She moves forward to help Eliza get up from the wheelchair, then carefully helps her sit on the edge of the bathtub. Eliza wiggles her panties down to her feet and kicks them off, before she turns around and - with the support of Arizona - slowly lowers herself in the water. A deep sigh escapes her as the warm water relaxes her body straight away.

"Good?" Arizona asks.

"So good!" Eliza sighs again, a satisfied smile on her lips.

For a moment, Arizona doesn't move - doesn't know how to move. She just stares. God, she's beautiful, she thinks, as she takes the opportunity to study her girlfriend. Then Eliza pulls her back to the moment.

"Are you just going to watch, or...?"

Arizona doesn't have to think twice. She quickly undresses, dropping all her clothes on the floor without caring about it, then takes a seat at the edge of the tub, following Eliza's example. She carefully removes her prosthetic, before she finally lets herself slide into the water behind Eliza.

"Oooh, so good indeed!" she exhales.

Eliza glances over her shoulder, before she moves backwards a little, taking a seat between Arizona's legs, leaning her shoulders against her chest. With her head resting in the crook of Arizona's neck she closes her eyes - completely relaxed.

Arizona wraps her arms around her and kisses her jaw. She stretches her leg to close the running tap with her foot, then carefully lowers it again. Their feet find each other.

"I missed this," Eliza hums, her eyes still closed. "I missed you."

Arizona's fingers start to trail up and down Eliza's arms, mindlessly. "I missed you, too," she sighs, before kissing her again. As her fingers keep exploring Eliza's skin, she sees goosebumps on her arm. "Are you cold?" she asks, as she feels Eliza quivering for a short second.

Eliza tilts her head a little and opens her eyes. "No silly, that's all you," she laughs. "You and your magic hands."

"Oh really?" Arizona grins. "You know my magic doesn't stop with my hands, right?" Before Eliza can answer, Arizona moves her hand up to her chin, lifting her face further up so she can kiss her. Their lips part as soon as they touch. Their tongues collide, hot and wet. Their breathing quickly becomes more heavy.

Arizona's fingers slide down a little, to Eliza's throat. She can feel her pounding heartbeat against the palm of her hand. Eliza leans into Arizona's tender grip, exposing the sensitive skin of her neck. Arizona presses her lips against it, leaving open-mouthed kisses down her neck and her throat. She lets her tongue explore until she finds that racing pulse point. She can feel how Eliza swallows as she starts to suck.

"You're right," Eliza whimpers. Her body starts to writhe a bit. "Pure magic."

Cautiously, Arizona holds her a little tighter, making sure Eliza keeps control of her body a little bit longer. After all, she just got started. She lowers her hand beneath the water surface, to Eliza's stomach, where her fingers continue to explore. They slowly draw circles around her belly button, following the rhythm of her tongue.

By now Eliza's body feels heavy against her own, telling her she completely surrendered to her touch. This shows even more when Arizona slowly moves her hand upwards again; in response to her touch Eliza stretches her upper body, as well as her neck, to give her all the space she needs. Arizona doesn't hesitate. As her tongue finds Eliza's collarbone, her hand cups her breast. Caresses and squeezes it. Just when her thumb strokes over her nipple, quickly turning it rock hard, she gently bites her shoulder.

Not able to control her breath any longer, Eliza starts to moan. Without thinking she moves her own hand to her other breast, but Arizona stops her.

"My job," she breathes into her ear. She gently lowers Eliza's hand, then continues what Eliza tried to start.

Eliza doesn't complain, now that Arizona's skilled hands are massaging both of her breasts. But her body wants more, and she's not able to stop it nor hide it as she drops her hand underneath the water.

"Uh uh," Arizona quietly tells her. She takes Eliza's hand and rests it on the edge of the tub again.

Eliza groans in frustration. "Do you know how long it's been?"

Arizona presses another kiss on her jaw.

"I know, baby," she whispers, as she starts to move her hand down, trailing the skin of the abdomen, till she reaches the hot, burning spot between Eliza's legs. She cups her sex, sliding a finger back and forth through her folds. She's soaking wet, and it has nothing to do with the bathwater.

Coating her fingers in her slick arousal, Arizona easily finds her way to Eliza's throbbing clit, literally taking her breath away as soon as she touches her. Arizona starts stroking her in a steady rhythm. Within seconds, the sounds of Eliza's heavy panting fill the bathroom.

Without stopping, Arizona lowers her other hand as well. "More?" she asks in a husky voice.

Biting her lips in an impossible attempt to control herself, Eliza nods, almost frantically. "Yes," she gasps, hardly able to form more words.

Arizona leans forward, pressing her own craving body into Eliza's. She twists her wrist and enters Eliza with two fingers, making her stop breathing for a short second. She holds still for a moment. Then she starts to thrust into her, slowly at first, but quickly picking up the faster pace of her other hand.

"Y-Yes," Eliza groans again, "Ooh- Oh, yes!" Beyond her control the words keep coming out in short, staccatoed bursts, together with her panting breath.

Squirming against Arizona's body, she tilts her head again. Arizona runs her tongue over the smooth skin of her neck once more, causing Eliza to arch her back and grasp for the edges of the tub at the same time, holding on for dear life till her knuckles turn white.

As soon as Arizona feels how Eliza's muscles start tightening, she curls her fingers and increases the pressure on them - finally breaking the tension. She feels how Eliza's body jolts, shakes, and then collapses in her arms, while a cry of pleasure escapes her lips.

She feels how Eliza, for the first time in forever, comes hard against her fingers.

 

* * *

 

Her sweaty body is sticking to the sheets. Her heart is still racing. Her mouth is dry, and she thinks she might have been screaming again.

But she's very sure she hasn't been dreaming.

Arizona slowly opens her eyes. Just like herself, Eliza is lying on her side, her head flat on the pillow - facing her. Her eyes are closed. Her hand is resting next to her face. Arizona gently covers it with her own. As her thumb lightly starts to rub the warm skin, she leans in and softly brushes her lips against Eliza's. She can still taste herself on them.

Not able to suppress the grin on her face, she rests her head on her pillow again and closes her eyes - her fingers still drawing light figures on the back of Eliza's hand.

"What are you smiling about?"

She opens her eyes again. Eliza is looking at her. A warm, lazy smile on her face.

Arizona doesn't answer her straight away, as her sleepy eyes find Eliza's, making her drown in them for a second. She heaves a small, content sigh.

"I guess I'm just happy," she says quietly.

Eliza entwines their fingers. "That makes two of us," she hums.

"You know this is the first time in weeks I feel kinda normal again?" Arizona continues.

"Just because I made you com-" Eliza starts, but Arizona quickly cuts her off.

"Because you make me feel alive!" she laughs, playfully smacking Eliza's hand, then quickly holding on to it again. She gives it a light squeeze. "And because you make me feel safe."

Eliza moves their joined hands towards her lips and kisses Arizona's fingers, delicately, before letting go and resting her hand on Arizona's hair. With her fingers getting lost in those blonde locks, she moves herself closer to her and captures her lips. Their kiss is slow, and sweet. Filled with affection.

When they break apart, they don't move. They just lay like this, their faces close together, their bodies almost being one.

"I wish that we could lay right here forever," Eliza whispers.

Arizona gazes into her eyes. Those bright, mesmerizing eyes. "And never think about our fears," she hums.

Eliza narrows her eyes. "Are you trying to sneak in a song again?"

Trying not to laugh, Arizona tightly presses her lips together. "Maybe," she squeaks.

With a stern look on her face, although clearly playful, Eliza just looks at her, until she can't keep it up anymore. "Okay, just bring it on!" she laughs, surrendering.

Arizona exhales, like she's been holding her breath for too long. She presses another quick kiss on Eliza's lips, before she quietly continues in a soft, dreamy voice,  _"Forget about tomorrow's light, I only wanna hold tonight..."_

Suppressing a yawn, she carefully rolls over onto her other side, feeling Eliza move towards her instantly to spoon her from behind. Not able to stop it, her smile grows even wider. This is all she wants, all she needs. The only place where she wants to be.

_"Forever. Forever. Forever."_

... ...


	17. Chapter 17

"So, how's the living together going?" Amelia asks, as they both sit down at the small table.

Arizona sighs. "We are not-" she starts, before taking a deep breath. "It's going fine."

They are at Joe's. After Arizona had to scrub in on one of Amelia's surgeries earlier today, she finally had the chance to thank her for everything she's done for Eliza, and for the both of them. Amelia had told her she could thank her by taking her somewhere fun - Arizona had noticed how she'd avoided the words "take me for a drink" and as she knew why, she also knew how to order their drinks without making things unnecessarily complicated.

"And the recovery? Is Minnick doing well?" Amelia continues.

"I don't know," Arizona answers truthfully. "She seems to be handling herself, but I don't see any progress yet. On the other hand, it's just been a week. She's actually starting with exercises today. That should make a difference, right?"

Amelia nods. "I guess so."

They stay quiet for a second when the waitress comes between to put their glasses on the table. Amelia raises hers with a smile. "Cheers. And thank you for getting me out of that place."

"The hospital? Or the house?" Arizona asks, surveying her new friend.

"Is there really any difference?" Deeply exhaling, Amelia drops her shoulders.

Arizona smiles understandingly. "How's Owen?"

"Hard to tell. I want to believe he's doing fine, but honestly, I'm not sure," Amelia answers.

Shifting on her chair a little, knowing she's broaching a sensitive topic here, Arizona scratches her throat. "And how are you?" she carefully asks. "How are the two of you doing?"

Amelia takes a sip of her mint soda, then starts playing with her glass, suddenly sunken away in her thoughts. Arizona looks at her. She has known Amelia for some years now, in which they worked closely together on a bunch of complicated cases, but she never really got to see through her. Yet right now, as Amelia looks up at her, she thinks she can - she can actually see the person behind those eyes.

"Do you think love is enough?" Amelia answers her by asking another question, surprising her somewhat.

She sits back in her chair, a pensive look on her face. Then she shakes her head. "No. If it was, I would probably still be married. I think it's definitely essential, but in the end, just love is not enough."

"I was afraid you were gonna say that," Amelia sighs.

Arizona smiles at her again. "I would say I'm sorry for raining on your parade, but... are we really talking about a parade here?"

"I never lied to him," Amelia says, ignoring Arizona's question. "I really thought I wanted the same, you know. The house, the kids, the... suburban life. I really thought I did."

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself," Arizona tells her, as she briefly rests her hand on Amelia's. "At least you did talk about these things back then. You talked. Believe me, I learned a lot from  _not_  doing that. Just way too late..."

Amelia looks up at her again, her eyes questioning. "You talk about these things with Minnick?"

Arizona snorts. "Hell no, it's way too soon for that!"

"So we've got too soon and too late," Amelia mumbles, raising her eyebrows a little. "Great, glad we cleared that up. Very helpful."

"I'm sorry, I don't want to pretend I'm Dr. Phil here," Arizona laughs. "Eliza and I, we're not there yet. I'm just saying I learned the hard way that the talk is inevitable, and ignoring it won't do anyone any good. Yet for now, we are fine. We are... stable." Hearing herself, she rolls her eyes and quietly adds, more to herself: "God, that doesn't sound boring at all."

Amelia takes another sip of her drink. "Well, you better enjoy it. Change is always around the corner, sneaking up on you when you least expect it."

Unwillingly, Arizona thinks back at the day of the explosion. "I know," she nods, "the last big hit literally put my world upside down."

"You two made it through, though," Amelia points out, as she mindlessly starts peeling some peanuts.

"Barely!" Arizona snorts again.

Amelia can't hide the curious look on her face. "What happened?" she asks. "Did she cheat on you? Made out with some nurse?"

Arizona can't help but laugh. "Yeah, in between her many, many mandatory naps," she winks. Then, continuing in a more serious tone, "No, I'm afraid it was all me. I couldn't handle another disaster. Ultimately, the explosion didn't wreck us, but  _I_  almost did. Destructing something good out of fear. Stupid, huh?"

"You're asking me? I'm the queen of self-destruction!" Amelia laughs scornful. "And proved by recent events, I don't even need drugs for it anymore. Turns out I'm perfectly capable of ruining my own life, and that of the people around me, all on my own."

"You can't blame yourself for changing your mind, for wanting different things now than before. And for staying true to yourself. It's exactly why I think love alone is never enough. Why I think that love can even be toxic," Arizona starts to ramble.  
"If you're willing to change your life, to change who you  _are_  - deep down inside -  _just_  out of love... I believe it can destroy you," she continues. "Slowly, maybe even without noticing. And even when you do notice, yet when you think it's all worth it, because at least the other one - the one you love so, so much - is still together with this new version of you, well... it is not. Because at some point they will realize this new version, who they never fell in love with in the first place, is not as happy as could be, and they will feel responsible for it. They will blame themselves. And in the end it will destroy them, too."

Amelia stares at her, speechless.

Arizona quickly picks up her glass, giving her a reason to avert her eyes. "Sorry," she murmurs, a little embarrassed.

"No, no," Amelia shakes her head, "I think you're right."

As the waitress passes by, Amelia stops her and orders two more mint soda's, before she faces Arizona again.

"The thing is," she goes on, "I think I always realized that adapting to him wouldn't be good for neither of us. It wouldn't just hurt me. But the opposite, making him be with me, asking him to adapt to me? It would be just as painful."

"So you choose to live in the impasse?" Arizona asks. "Waiting for... what exactly? Owen to make a decision here?"

Amelia bites her lip, looking ashamed. "Is that really bad?"

"Well, I'm not here to judge," Arizona softly smiles at her, "But to be honest, I don't think he ever will. Owen is one of those people who does truly believe love is all. He doesn't quit. He probably doesn't even know how to."

Gazing at her, Amelia makes a painful face. "I need to set him free, don't I?"

Arizona takes her hand again and gives it a soft squeeze. "I'm really not going to answer that question for you."

Amelia groans dramatically, then drops her head on the table. "I'm telling you Robbins," she grumbles without looking up, "there's nothing boring about stable. Stable is paradise!"

 

* * *

 

"Bailey! What are you doing here?" Arizona exclaims as she walks into her own living room.

Both Bailey and Eliza look up at her. "She's here to see me," Eliza explains.

Arizona throws her jacket on a chair and makes her way to Eliza, giving her a quick kiss on the lips, before she sits down as well.

"Mint?" Eliza asks.

"I was out with Shepherd," Arizona says, like that explains everything. Before Eliza can ask any further she's already focusing on Bailey though. "So, what brings you here? A social or a professional purpose?"

Bailey coughs. She doesn't seem very comfortable.

"Can't it be both?" she answers, giving her a half-smile, and looking from one to the other. "Now, Dr. Minnick, as I-"

"Professional it is," Arizona mumbles. She looks at Eliza. "Do you want me to go?"

Eliza shakes her head. "No, it's fine. Please continue, Chief."

"As I was about to say," Bailey goes on, "I want to talk about the residency program. During your stay in the hospital Dr. Webber has kept your program running. At my request, of course."

"That's good to hear. My accident shouldn't have an impact on the residents or their education," Eliza nods.

"I agree," Bailey nods as well, "But unfortunately, even with the current solution, it does. Dr. Webber is still appointed as general surgeon and, as such, dealing with a huge caseload. He's making a lot of extra hours now, which isn't ideal. Not for the students, and of course not for him either."

Arizona doesn't like where this is going. "You're not here to rush her, right? You can't expect-"

"No, I'm not," Bailey interrupts her, while keeping her eyes on Eliza. "I'm not expecting anything. I know your recovery just started. You have a long way to go and it will take time. But the thing is, we don't have time. We can't ask Dr. Webber, or any of our other staff members, to run two jobs at a time."

"So you're going to give him mine? Reinstate him as director of the residency program?" Eliza asks.

Bailey shifts to the edge of the couch. "Yes. Both me and Dr. Grey are taking over half of his hours, and caseload, so he'll be able to fully run the program again."

"Temporarily, right?" Arizona questions out loud, with the expression of disbelief on her face.

"No," Bailey shakes her head, "I'm sorry, Dr. Minnick. Please know this has nothing to do with your competences. We are really pleased with the program, and the results you booked. It's just something we have to do for the students. And for the hospital."

As Eliza stays quiet, Arizona speaks up again. "But she has a contract. She has rights!" she cries out.

"Of course she has," Bailey nods again, "And we will stick to the conditions in that contract. But there are less of those, as it's a temporary one. It ends in three months, meaning three more months of salary and benefits. Plus financial compensation for the consequences of the explosion - we already talked about that before."

Arizona looks at Eliza, a little confused. "Did you?"

Eliza heaves a sigh. She looks beaten. "Yes," she just says, barely audible.

Facing Bailey again, Arizona narrows her eyes. "Can't we just use that money as a pay check? You know, hire more people - Eliza being one of them?"

"I wish things were that simple, but we're dealing with different budgets. The hospitals and the insurances. The former is limited. And we can't use money from the latter for the hospital. That is, in the end, Dr. Mi-" Bailey swallows, then continues, "That is Eliza's money."

Bailey gets up, silently telling them she doesn't have anything more to say. But Arizona isn't willing to let go yet. She gets up as well. "Isn't this a board decision?"

"No, it's not. I did discuss this with Catherine Avery though. She supports this measure, although she's also very sorry to see you go. She asked me to tell you that." Bailey is looking at Eliza again, but Eliza's eyes are fixed on the floor.

"How about an ortho position then? Can't we offer-"

"We don't have an opening for orthopedic surgeons, we are already fully staffed," Bailey cuts her off again. "And with Wilson starting her fellowship soon, I don't expect any changes there." She rests her hand on Arizona's shoulder. "Arizona, if I could keep her on board, I would. I really would."

As she starts making her way to the door, she takes a deep breath. Arizona, finally as speechless as Eliza, can tell this wasn't easy on her. She follows Bailey to the hall and closes the front door behind her.

Back in the living room, she finds Eliza in the exact same spot. Even in her sleep she seems less quiet than she is right now.

"How are you feeling?" she asks her, almost cautiously.

Their eyes finally meet again. Eliza looks dazed, like she just woke up from dreaming. When she speaks up, her voice doesn't sound very stable either.

"I'm not really sure how I am feeling," she answers quietly, "but I think I just lost my job."

... ...


	18. Chapter 18

"Is it true? Is Eliza not coming back?" April drops the question before she even sits down properly to join them for lunch. Arizona looks at her.

"Wow, didn't know they sent out the ravens already," she murmurs. She sits up straight and smiles at her friend, quickly showing her it's nothing personal. "Yes, it's true. She won't be able to be back any time soon, so they decided not to prolong her contract."

"They can do that?" Amelia asks, eyes questioning.

Arizona takes a big sip of her milkshake, finishing it with a slurping sound. "Unfortunately, they can. She's no employee of the hospital, she's here as an interim. Which doesn't mean she doesn't have  _any_  rights, job security just isn't necessarily one of them."

"But you're on the board," April points out. "I mean, not that I'm saying you should use that position for your own benefit, but, you know... shouldn't you? Use that position for your own benefit?" she carefully suggests, as she opens her lunchbox with her usual leftovers.

"I definitely shouldn't!" Arizona reacts truthfully, "But yeah, I probably would anyway... if she would let me. But she doesn't want me to do anything about it."

Amelia looks surprised. "She told you that?"

"Yep," Arizona nods, "And that's about the only thing she's said about it. She's been quiet about it all weekend. I'm telling you, she's... almost as numb as her foot!"

"Well, she's got quite a lot to process," Amelia figures. "What's she going to do?"

Arizona shrugs. "I don't know. I hope we'll have a job opening at ortho by the time she's ready for it, although I don't even know if that's what she wants. Being an education consultant is kind of her life."

April opens her mouth to respond, but gets interrupted by the sound of her pager. She checks it, then looks at the others again. "I'm needed at the pit. Arizona, please tell Eliza I'm really sorry for her!"

Before Arizona can answer, April is up on her feet and turning around already, just like Amelia, who apparently got the same call.

Always a miracle to have a decent lunch break at the hospital, Arizona thinks as she watches them run, and an even bigger one to start and finish it with the same people...

She gets her phone from her pocket to check in with Eliza, then remembers she has her physiotherapy right now. Not wanting to disturb her, and with nothing else to do, she just gets up; she might as well start her rounds already. She doesn't get far though, as she - a little distracted by her own thoughts - accidentally walks into someone.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes, before looking up - instantly confused. "Pablo?! Shouldn't you be with Eliza right now?"

Eliza's therapist nods at her. "I should, but she canceled on me."

Arizona couldn't be more surprised. "What? Why?!" she cries out.

"Don't know!" he shrugs. "Hope it's just today though. And that she's at least doing her exercises."

"Her exercises?" Arizona feels even more confused now. She doesn't know about any exercises, let alone that she's seen Eliza actually doing them.

Pablo furrows his brows. "Yeah, I made this training schedule for her. She was supposed to start last Thursday. Didn't she tell you?"

Arizona can see her own confusion mirrored in his eyes, making her realize that she isn't helping Eliza by throwing her under the bus. Or maybe she actually is, but she really doesn't want to rat her out. "Yeah, no, of course she did," she stutters. "I just haven't been home a lot, so I don't really know how she's been doing exactly. But I'm sure she's trying!"

"Hm, I hope so," Pablo sighs, following in a more conspicuous tone, "To be honest, I don't feel like we're really getting anywhere yet."

"Because of her injuries?" Arizona questions.

Pablo shakes his head. "No. Well, they're pretty bad of course, but I definitely see possibilities. Full recovery might sound a bit too optimistic right now, but yeah, with some hard work..." He falls quiet for a short second. "Maybe I'm too skeptical, but I'm a bit worried that she's lacking motivation, for some reason."

Arizona doesn't get the chance to react, as her pager suddenly tells her the emergency situation downstairs now asks for her help as well.

"I'm sorry, I have to go," she tells him, while already making her way to the exit of the cafeteria. But ten feet away, she quickly turns toward him again. "I- I think you're wrong, but I'll try to talk to her anyway, okay?"

She doesn't wait for his reply. Eliza might need her, but right now, someone else needs her more.

 

* * *

 

When she gets home, Arizona is a little surprised to find the house this quiet. She knows DeLuca is still at the hospital, but she'd really expected to find Eliza in the living room, or the kitchen. Especially since it's still quite early.

She drops her bag and jacket on the kitchen table and walks to the bedroom. The curtains are closed and the TV is on, although the sound is muted. Eliza is lying on the bed, on top of the covers, with her back to the door.

"Are you asleep?" Arizona quietly asks her.

"No," Eliza answers without turning around to face her.

Arizona moves towards the bed. "It's not even eight yet. Are you sick?" she asks, a little worried.

"I'm not sick," Eliza sighs, "I'm just... lying here."

She doesn't move, or say anything else, and Arizona has no clue what to do next. Realizing she can't just stand here all night, she sits down on the bed as well, even though it doesn't seem very inviting.

"Alright," she cautiously starts, "Are you okay, though? You're worrying about work, aren't you?" She doesn't know why exactly, but she feels like she's walking on eggshells.

"I'm not, actually," Eliza answers, her eyes still fixed on the wall. "The insurance is going to pay me a shitload of money. Plus I already have four other job offers."

"Oh," Arizona mumbles, a little flabbergasted. Why didn't she knew about this? For a minute she just sits there, staring at the TV without really seeing it. She glances at Eliza, who still hasn't moved.

"I walked into Pablo today," she tries again with a change of subject. "He told me you canceled therapy today."

Eliza shifts a bit. She seems uncomfortable. Itchy almost. "Yeah," she responds dryly, "I didn't feel like it."

"You- You didn't feel like it?!" Arizona's eyes grow big with astonishment. "How  _optional_  do you think this is? You know you need this!"

Finally, Eliza turns her head, looking at Arizona over her shoulder. Her eyes look weary, missing their usual spark. She sighs. "Can you drop it?"

Arizona takes a deep breath. She's lost, she seriously doesn't know what to do anymore. Eliza clearly doesn't want to talk, but for some reason she looks upset. She really doesn't want to leave her alone like this. Eliza keeps looking at her, her eyes telling her she's expecting an answer. So Arizona nods, then softly smiles at her, although her eyes don't mirror her lips.

"Okay," she gives in, nodding softly. "No more talking."

Eliza exhales and drops her head on her arm again. Arizona doesn't move for another second, then turns on the bedside lamp on the nightstand, takes the book that's lying next to it and leans back into the pillows.

For a while the room stays silent. Eliza keeps staring at the wall. Arizona reads her book. Still, without doing anything else than just being there, she does get the feeling that the mood in the room starts to shift a little. And when Eliza suddenly rolls onto her other side and rests her head on Arizona's lap, Arizona is sure the heavy air has lifted.

She sticks to her word though. Her eyes still on her book, she turns the page, then gently rests her hand on Eliza's hair. At the same moment, without really thinking about it, she starts to read out loud.

_"_ _But my rose, all on her own, is more important than all of you together, since she's the one I've watered_ _."_

Without leaving her spot, Eliza tilts her head, just enough to look up at her. Arizona falls quiet again.

Eliza stays quiet too. Yet to Arizona's relief she shows a small, almost peaceful smile that seems to tell her she's okay. Arizona mirrors her smile, then breaks their gaze by winking at her, followed by a subtle nod and a silent question in her eyes: shall I continue?

A soft chuckle escapes Eliza. She nods too, as her smile grows bigger, before resting her head again. Relaxed. Blissful.

Arizona's eyes go back to the book in her hand.

 _"Since she's the one I put under glass. Since she's the one I sheltered behind the screen,"_  she continues in a soft voice.  _"Since she's the one for whom I killed the caterpillars (except the two or three butterflies). Since she's the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all."_

Her hand slides from Eliza's hair to her shoulder. She gives her a tender squeeze.

_"Since she's my rose."_

... ...


	19. Chapter 19

Days pass by. Eliza continues her therapy. At least as far as Arizona can see, because with the exception of one full day, on which they stayed in bed and binge-watched half a season of Narcos, she had to be at the hospital most of the time. Tonight she even has to stay, as she wants to monitor one of her patients, checking up on her every other hour.

Overtime, she learned how to always get some rest, even in broken nights like these. But these days she seems to have lost that capability. She has found herself an empty bed in a small on-call room, hoping to close her eyes for a while, but now that she's lying here all she can do is stare at the ceiling - wide awake.

She's on edge, although she doesn't know why. So far her patient is doing fine. By now, she also believes Eliza can really handle herself. There's really no reason for this kind of stress.

Then it hits her. She realizes it's the room that's bothering her. It's freezing cold, since someone clearly messed with the settings of the air conditioning and Arizona failed in trying to reset it. Although a bit annoyed by this, she thought she could just accept it, as she found an extra sheet in the room. But by now she starts to believe that she can't.

The sheet is clearly not protecting her enough, and the sensation of her cold skin quickly brings back memories she can't suppress.

She starts shivering, then shaking. She can't stop shaking. The cold, the darkness... before she can stop it, she's back in the woods. And although she's still aware that she's not - not for real - but that she's actually still in this freezing on-call room, she feels like she can't escape this sudden, overwhelming fear.

Panic is sneaking up on her, and she doesn't know how to fight it. She doesn't know how to get away from it.

Why is she alone in here?

She can't be alone. She should never ever be alone.

 

* * *

 

Eliza is sitting at the kitchen table, finishing breakfast. She looks up as soon as Arizona walks in.

"Hey, you're home. How was your night?" she welcomes her with a warm smile. Arizona kisses her, tasting the orange juice on her lips, reminding her she could use some proper food as well.

"Long," she sighs. "But my patient did well. No need for surgery after all, at least not this morning. Thank God."

Eliza looks closely at her, squinting her eyes a bit. "You didn't sleep, did you?"

Arizona shakes her head. "No, I didn't. Is there any coffee left?"

"You're not going to bed?" Eliza answers, ignoring Arizona's question. "Rest a little? I can join you. We can watch a movie. Or just snuggle up, get some sleep."

She gently lays her hand on Arizona's back, who's now standing next to her, bent over the table as she's going through her mail.

"Don't you have another therapy session this morning?" she asks, without looking up.

"Nah, that's okay, I can cancel that. I'd rather-"

"No! You shouldn't, it's important," Arizona states, her eyes still on the mess in front of her. Being this busy this past week she hasn't really looked at it yet, and by now the kitchen table is covered with unopened envelops and all kinds of papers. "I should really sort this out," she mumbles, as her eye catches some sheets she's never seen before. "What's this?"

Eliza looks up. "What's what?"

Arizona waves the papers around, not really giving Eliza a good chance to look at them. She doesn't need to though, as she has clearly seen them before. "Oh, that's just my training schedule," she shrugs.

 _"Just?!"_  Arizona cries out. She looks at them again, with more attention this time. "According to this you should at least walk for ten minutes straight, four times a day."

"With the help of the walker," Eliza points out.

Arizona exhales, trying to stay calm. "Yes, of course, but that's not my point. You're not even close to this. You're only on your feet when you're getting in or out of the bed, or when you're in the bathroom. I didn't even know you were allowed, no, that you were  _supposed_  to stand on your feet for this long!"

"Because it's none of your business. Can you let it go now?" Eliza snaps, trying to grab the papers out of Arizona's hands, but failing.

Astounded, Arizona throws them back on the table. "It's none of my..? I'm sorry, I thought we were in this together. That we  _are_  together?!"

"We are," Eliza murmurs, hardly audible as Arizona continues her rant.

"You're still doing it, you're still shutting me out. Even now that you're here. How am I supposed to feel about that?"

"See, I was afraid of this. I warned you it wouldn't be all fun, that I wouldn't be..." Eliza starts defending herself. "You know, I don't need to be here. I can go, if you want."

Arizona takes a deep breath. And then another one. "No! No, that's not what I want!"

"Then what  _do_  you want?" Eliza exhales.

"I want you to take this seriously!" Arizona yells. She doesn't want to, but she can't help raising her voice. "I want you to get out of that damn wheelchair and actually start recovering. I want you to become  _you_ again!"

Eliza turns the wheelchair, so she can look Arizona in the eyes. "Don't you think I'm trying to? You think I like sitting in this chair all day?"

"No, I don't think you like it, but I do start to feel that you're accepting it - for whatever reason. You're not talking about it, so I can only guess here. And I'm guessing no job to run back to isn't helping. Although you said you could easily get another one-"

"Yes, two thousand miles away from here," Eliza cries out. "Away from you!"

Arizona furrows her brow. "What are you saying? You would blow your recovery, so you have an excuse to stay here, with me?"

"No! I'm not saying that," Eliza starts protesting, "Though honestly, yes, I hate the idea of moving away. Of course I do. I love you!"

"And I love you!" Arizona exclaims, as she drops herself on the kitchen chair behind her, taking Eliza's hands in her own. "But that's exactly why I can't do this anymore. Why I can't accept that you're okay with this. That you're giving up! This is not who you are. This is not your life. This isn't  _living._  Not when you're capable of so much more. Getting yourself to the bathroom twice a day should not be your biggest accomplishment! I mean it, I'd rather see you anywhere in this world, happy and healthy, tha-"

"It hurts, okay!" Eliza suddenly shouts. "It freaking hurts! You have no idea-"

"Oh, you think?" Arizona cuts her off, abruptly pulling her hands back like she just burned them. "You think I don't know how it feels? You think I haven't suffered to get back on my feet? To be in immense pain with literally every step I had to take?! At least you have two legs to stand on!"

Giving the wheelchair another swift spin, Eliza turns around and moves away from Arizona, towards the living room.

"We're not going to do this," she determines, her voice surprisingly steady all of a sudden. "We are not going to compare."

Arizona throws her hands up in the air in frustration, then quickly follows Eliza to the other room, not willing to let go now that she finally brought this up. "Well, it's kinda impossible not to," she goes on. "Especially when you're taking two potentially good legs for granted. When you're throwing it all away. Just because you're too afraid to-"

"Whoa!" Eliza turns around again. Her eyes are burning, though it's hard to tell if she looks hurt, or annoyed, or simply pissed off.

"Like you're doing so well facing your fears! And becoming  _you_  again! Let's see. Didn't you love to jog? Well, I don't see you running around anymore. Even though you could - easily, actually, and especially with my help. And I know that you know that!" she calls out, her voice harsh, and her chest heaving up and down.  
"And don't get me started on those traumas. Those nightmares. You keep telling me that you're fine, that you're handling it, but you can't even sleep when I'm not with you! In the meantime there's this number on the fridge, it's up there every day, and all you have to do is call. Ask for a little help. But you haven't, have you? How's that for dealing with your shit?"

Speechless by this unexpected counter attack, Arizona blankly stares at her.

Eliza stares back, without blinking. "Wake up, Arizona! Just... wake up! You're not doing any better than me."

With their eyes still locked, Arizona starts biting her lips, not wanting to show that they're quivering. Trying to keep control she inhales deeply. It doesn't work.

"Screw you!" she snaps.

Not waiting for any reply, for any more yelling, she turns around and marches to the hallway. Furiously she yanks opens the front door. She doesn't look back, she just storms out - slamming that door behind her as hard as she can.

 

* * *

 

Although she feels like running to the end of the world, to leave it all behind, she doesn't get very far. Five steps out, her body is already giving in. She drops herself down on the steps of her front porch, hardly able to breathe by the build-up emotions that are stuck in her throat. She presses her hand against her chest, trying to control her racing heart. She can feel hot, angry tears welling in her eyes.

What the hell just happened? How did they end up screaming at each other?

She was only trying to help. To support her girlfriend. And then... She can't believe how Eliza just threw all that at her. And how... right she is, Arizona thinks, as she drops her shoulders with a deep sigh. God, she hates it when others are right. Especially about her.

For some reason she suddenly thinks of one of her many conversations with Teddy, of that moment when she made her see why she was actually doing so well lately.

 _"This should be the one thing you'd want to hold on to,"_  she'd told her,  _"Not to push away."_

Being surrounded by smart-ass friends might be kind of annoying, but she has to admit they can be quite helpful as well. Maybe it's time to start listening just a little bit better...?

Arizona slowly gets up. She runs her fingers beneath her eyes, carefully wiping away her tears.

"Come on, Robbins," she tells herself, "Time to run in the right direction for once."

Although she managed to get her breathing back under control, she takes a few extra breaths before she lets herself back in the house again. Eliza is still in the living room, but to Arizona's surprise, she's no longer sitting in the wheelchair. Using the back of the couch for support, she's standing on her feet. Fully concentrated, she doesn't seem to notice Arizona's return.

"You got up!"

The sound of Arizona's soft voice makes Eliza look over her shoulder. She turns around, cautiously, making sure she doesn't lose the support of the couch, then carefully leans against it. As soon as she feels secure enough, her eyes start looking for Arizona's.

They just gaze at one another. They are at least fifteen feet away from each other, and yet Arizona can see the tears on Eliza's cheeks. The tremble of her bottom lip. The fear in her eyes. Feeling that she's choking up again, she desperately tries to keep it together.

She swallows.

She blinks.

She can't bear it anymore.

No longer able to handle this distance between them, she closes it as fast as she can.

Without saying a word she cups Eliza's face in her hands, using both of her thumbs to wipe away her tears. As she pulls her in to connect their lips, a small sigh escapes her - relieved that Eliza doesn't pull away, but kisses her back without hesitation, and with great passion.

One kiss turns into another, and another. When their lips finally do break apart, their eyes find each other again.

"Let's deal with our shit," Arizona whispers.

Eliza replies by pulling her in for another kiss, then smiles at her and slowly nods. "Let's deal with our shit."

... ...


	20. Epilogue

_FOUR MONTHS LATER_

Blinking against the low sun, Arizona maneuvers through heavy traffic. People had told her she would hate this, but she doesn't; she loves every second of it. Being part of this organized chaos makes her feel alive.

A single beep of her phone tells her she's got a message. When the traffic light turns red again, she stretches her arm and unlocks the screen. It's from Callie.

_"Hi! Trouble at the hospital. Can you pick up Sofia?"_

Arizona checks the time. School will be out in three hours. Her fingers fly over the keyboard.  _"Sure, no problem! :)"_

When the car behind her starts honking, despite the many warning signs, she can't really be bothered by it. Moving on, she drives another half mile, then parks her car almost next to the park entrance. A small, sentimental smile creeps on her face, like many times before when using a disability parking space. Oh, Edwards...

Her smile grows bigger, turning from melancholic into downright happy, when she looks through her windshield, spotting the gorgeous brunette in front of the gate.  _Her_  gorgeous brunette. She's sitting on one of the benches and seems not to have noticed her yet.

Arizona can't help it, she just has to look at her for a minute or so. God, they've come a long way, she thinks, as her mind goes back in time, to that moment when they first met. The moment they first kissed. And then those moments she sat at her bedside - praying for her to wake up, and all those moments after, when they cried, cheered, screamed and laughed together. They say recovery is lonely, and of course she can't speak for Eliza, but she never felt this close to someone as she did this last couple of months.

She gets out of the car, picks up the big bag from the backseat, and walks towards her girlfriend.

"Hey, beautiful!" she grins.

Eliza turns her head towards her, immediately smiling from ear to ear.

Arizona sits down next to her, carefully dropping the bag at her feet, and leans in for a soft kiss.

"Hey babe," Eliza hums against her lips.

With one hand still gently on Eliza's cheek, Arizona pulls back a little. "How was your first day between these Yankee residents?"

"It was really good!" Eliza smiles, an enthusiastic twinkle in her eyes. "How was your last day at therapy?"

"Excellent," Arizona sighs blissful. "Bye bye, demons!"

Eliza kisses her again, a little longer this time. "I'm really glad we came here," she muses, as her fingers get lost in Arizona's locks.

Arizona winks at her. "Didn't I tell you things work out sometimes?"

A big grin flashes over Eliza's face. "You did," she laughs, "and then the whole place blew up!"

"Shut up!" Arizona chuckles, playfully smacking Eliza on the knee.

"Seriously though," Eliza starts, making Arizona look at her again, "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. I- I can never thank you enough for that."

Arizona doesn't miss the sudden choke in Eliza's voice. She gives her a soft squeeze. "You really don't need to. Remember, without you, I would still live in the past. I would still be lost in the dark, going from one nightmare to another. You," she quietly tells her, "...you are my sunrise."

"I am?" Eliza mumbles.

"You are," Arizona whispers, as she tenderly tucks a stray of dark hair behind Eliza's ear.

They gaze at each other for a few silent seconds, then Arizona suddenly sits up straight again. "Okay, let's do this!"

Without getting up from the bench, she lowers her training pants, exposing the running shorts underneath them. It's the pair with the coffee stain. Of course she could have bought dozens of new ones, but for a couple of stupid reasons this pair became kind of special to her. She opens the bag and takes out her brand new running blade.

"You need a hand?" Eliza asks her.

"Nah, just a foot," Arizona jokes, "and I'm sure this one will do!"

"Moron," Eliza chuckles, giving her an endearing look as she starts to prepare as well.

Arizona quickly changes her prosthetic leg for the blade, surprising Eliza by how easy it all seems to her. "I've been practicing," she admits, a little sheepishly, as she notices the impressed look on Eliza's face. "And not just with putting it on. I don't want to look like a fool next to you."

"I'm sure you'll do great," Eliza smiles at her, encouraging. "And you definitely  _look_  great. As you always do!" Adding strength to her words, she kisses her again.

"Now before you get up," Eliza continues, as she starts rumbling in her bag, "you're not the only one who's been busy."

Both curious and confused, Arizona watches how Eliza pulls a file out of her bag. "What are you talking about?" she frowns.

Eliza looks her in the eyes, a bit more serious - maybe even nervous? - than before. "Now, I'm not saying - or asking! - anything here. I just want you to know that... that there's really nothing in the way of our future." She hands Arizona the file.

Arizona opens it. As expected, she finds a bunch of documents. She flips through them, quickly realizing what she's looking at. Eliza's divorce papers. Signed.

She stares at them for a second, overwhelmed by unexpected emotion. "Thank you," she whispers, her eyes still on those papers and barely audible, as Eliza starts stammering at that exact same moment, rambling that it really doesn't mean anything.

Arizona tilts her head, looking at Eliza again, then gently takes her face in her hands, making sure she looks at her too.

"Eliza, stop!" she laughs, "Seriously, stop! Listen to me. This isn't nothing. This means the world to me!"

Not giving Eliza another chance to downgrade her own grand gesture again, she leans in and presses her lips against Eliza's once more, running her tongue against her lips until she parts them. As they deepen their kiss, Eliza wraps her arms around her, pulling her in even closer.

"Thank you!" Arizona tells her again, as she pulls her in for a strong hug as soon as their lips break apart, making sure she hears her this time.

"Anytime," Eliza softly breathes, as she holds her just as tight.

They sit like this for a few seconds more, in complete silence. Then Arizona suddenly starts laughing again. "As much as I love sitting here with you, I think the whole point of coming here was because we established the time for sitting around is over," she recalls, breaking their embrace.

Eliza jumps up. Except for the two scars - one on her left calf and one on her right thigh, hardly visible as it's mostly hidden underneath her shorts - nothing could really tell that she experienced some serious problems with her legs recently.

"You're totally right!" she agrees.

She collects all their stuff and stores it safely in the trunk of Arizona's car. Back at the bench she pulls Arizona up by the hand - not that she needs the help, but because it gives her another excuse to hold her close for just another second. "Now what?" she asks.

"Now we run," Arizona smiles.

A loud, glorious laugh escapes Eliza's lips. "Now we run," she grins back.

And so they do.

FIN.

(well, almost)


	21. Credits

**THANK YOU ALL**

For reading, appreciating and reviewing my story!

As a non-English, non-doctor, non-patient, non-trauma victim and even non-runner, writing this little tale turned out to be a hell of a job, that required a LOT of research and leaves me now with a lot of useless knowledge - unless of course I'll get a question about nerve-repair at some pubquiz once, but I reckon that chance is pretty slim.

The only thing I knew when writing the very first chapter was that the story would end with the both of them running around together. Their journey became more bumpy than I'd expected, but the three of us made it to the finish line after all. Nobody lost (another) leg! Yay!

All kidding aside: I had a lot of fun with these two idiots, and by sharing my story, I hope you guys had, too.

With this the "Arizona & Eliza Era" comes to an end. It's up to Shonda and co again. Who knows... they just might inspire me once more?

Happy Season 14, feel free to find me on tumblr to chat more if you like, and thanks once again for your support! xoxo

***** Update on March 28, 2018: Check the next page for a little bonus! *****

* * *

CREDITS, SOUNDTRACK AND OTHER REFERENCES

All characters (except for Pablo :P ) belong to Shondaland.

Ch. 1: contains original lines from the Grey's Anatomy script (13x23)  
Ch. 4: contains original lines from the Grey's Anatomy script (07x18)  
Ch. 5: contains original lines from the Grey's Anatomy script (07x18)  
Ch. 6: contains original lines from the Grey's Anatomy script (09x02)

Ch. 13: contains original lines from the Friends script (01x23)

Ch. 18: contains original lines from Le Petit Prince (The Little Prince), by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Songs:

Ch. 6: Hiding my Heart by Brandi Carlile (and Adele)  
Ch. 6: Weak by AJR  
Ch. 11: Exit Music (For A Film) by Radiohead  
Ch. 13: Take You Home (Let It Go) by Onyay Pheori  
Ch. 14: Lean On Me by Bill Withers (and many others)  
Ch. 14: The Scientist by Coldplay  
Ch. 14: Have I Told You Lately by Van Morrison  
Ch. 17: Forever by Matt Hires  
Bonus 1: Anywhere by Passanger  
Bonus 3: Copacabana (At the Copa) by Barry Manilow  
Bonus 4: Despacito by Luis Fonsi feat. Daddy Yankee

And worth mentioning, although not literally used in the story: And We Run by Within Temptation feat. Xzibit

... ...


	22. Bonus

**Saariselkä - Finland**

"You're blocking my view!" Arizona chuckles, as Eliza keeps trying to kiss her - successfully, since Arizona simply can't resist her.

"The view will still be there when I'm done with you," Eliza hums between kisses.

Arizona tilts her head and looks her in the eyes. "You don't know that!" she points out, "It could be pitch-black again before you know it. Besides, you're the one who wanted to show me these green colors."

"That's true," Eliza admits, "But now that we're here, I really want to show you all the other colors of the spectrum as well." Her mouth curls into a mischievous smile, drawing a loud laugh from Arizona.

"Believe me, you just did!" she giggles. "The windows are still foggy. I bet our igloo looks like that car from Titanic!"

Eliza leans in for another kiss, then snuggles herself into the other woman's arms. "I won't mind leaving a few hand prints here," she muses.

"You know, I really think someone needs to cool off a little," Arizona laughs. "Why don't you go outside for a bit? Hug a snowman. Or make snow angels."

"And leave my own snow angel behind? Never!" Eliza cries out.

Arizona pulls her closer. Eliza's bare body against her own warms her more than the thick blanket that covers them. "Good," she smiles. "Cause right now I really want you nowhere else than here."

As they're both staring at the sky they keep silent for a moment. They are lucky: it's a bright night, and besides millions of stars and the beautiful green glow, they can even catch a hint of violet.

"It's truly magical," Arizona sighs. She presses a soft kiss on the top of Eliza's head. "Thank you for taking me here."

Eliza hugs her a little tighter. "Anytime, my dear!" she answers, her voice soft and warm.

"You know, with all the moving around as a kid, I thought I would be done with it," Arizona goes on. "But now that we're here... I want more of this. I want to travel the world."

Eliza looks up at her. "You could hardly find time for this trip," she scoffs, a teasing smile on her lips.

"Exactly!" Arizona cries out. "Because life is happening. And I'm happy with it - I mean it. I love my life! But one year turns into another, and another, and before we know it they're all the same. Even when they don't have to be. They don't! Cause in the end, it's all up to us, right? To just... decide? And to just... do?"

Leaning on one elbow Eliza sits up a little. She brushes a lock of hair off Arizona's forehead and looks her in the eyes. "You're serious?"

"I am!" Arizona nods, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. "In a few years, when Sofia moves for college..."

She falls quiet, and by the dreamy look in her eyes Eliza can tell she's already wandering the world. "Okay," she smiles down at her. "So where do you wanna go?"

Arizona heaves a longing sigh. "Everywhere! I wanna travel down on the Pan American, all the way to Buenos Aires - just to learn Tango dancing there. I wanna fly over the Sahara Desert, even if it scares the shit out of me. Take the train to Vladivostok - and make love on it." She winks seductively, then quickly continues, "I wanna see it all. The gorillas in Uganda. The hobbits in New Zealand."

Eliza bites her lips to keep from laughing. Arizona doesn't even notice. "The seven wonders of the world..." she goes on.

"Now, you know there's only one right?" Eliza smirks, as she lays down again, nuzzling her face in the crook of Arizona's neck.

"One what?" Arizona asks, a little confused.

Eliza softly kisses her collarbone. "One world wonder. And for you it's actually quite easy to see," she says, looking up again through her eyelashes. "You just look in the mirror!"

Arizona snorts with laughter. "God, you're so cheesy," she exclaims, as she suddenly rolls them over until she's on top. Playfully pinning Eliza down by both wrists, she leans in for a searing kiss.

"And don't you just love it!?" Eliza winks as soon as their lips break apart.

"I do, I love it," Arizona beams. "And I love you."

"I love you more," Eliza whispers.

Lowering herself again Arizona brushes her lips against Eliza's. "Impossible," she breathes, before kissing her once more.

Without leaving her spot she lays down, resting her head on Eliza's chest, and forgetting about the colored sky above her for a moment. "I'm serious though. I wanna go everywhere," she breaks their silence, "But only if you go with me. Will you? Go with me?"

Eliza presses a kiss on her hair. "Oh honey," she hums, "I'll go anywhere with you."

Arizona narrows her eyes. "Wait. Are you..?"

"If you get up in a jet plane, or down in a submarine. If you get onto the next train, to somewhere you never been."

"Oh my God! You are singing!" Arizona exclaims, wide-eyed. Eliza ignores her, even when Arizona starts crying with laughter.

"If you wanna ride in a fast car and feel the wind in your hair. Darling just look beside you - Oh, I'll go with you anywhere."

Arizona, hardly able to control her breathing, sits up. "I can't believe you're actually singing," she giggles, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "You always hate it when I sing!"

Eliza pulls a face. "Are you kidding me? Your singing made me walk again!"

"Well, I wouldn't say it was just my singing," Arizona reacts modestly, "I mean, you deserve some credits as well!"

"Aren't you the sweetest," Eliza giggles, unable to keep her face straight, as she playfully pushes Arizona away from her. When Arizona mirrors her action it's the start of some serious frolicking, which doesn't end till they are both out of breath from laughing.

They simultaneously drop themselves backwards in the pillows, their hands immediately finding each other, and - as they're facing the sky again - their eyes once again getting hypnotized by the spectacle above them.

"I can't believe it's been two years," Eliza exhales.

Arizona squeezes her hand, softly. "Do you remember it? That day, I mean?"

"The day of the explosion?" Eliza asks. "No, not really. I remember waking up though. I remember how you were there. How I opened my eyes and you were the first thing I saw."

Without saying anything, Arizona rolls on her side, fixing her eyes on Eliza's face and waiting for what comes next.

"You hadn't noticed I was awake yet, and I just watched you," Eliza continues, her eyes still on the sky. "I didn't look around, I wasn't searching for any clues, or answers, or... I just watched you. God, you looked so small. So... broken." She faces her. "I could tell something was wrong, but it didn't feel that way. Because you were there. I just knew, whatever was going on, it would be okay."

Arizona just stares at her. Slowly the corner of her mouth quirks up. "You called yourself lucky," she recalls.

Eliza smiles back at her. "I meant it." She entwines their fingers. "Now, of course I was all high on morphine," she giggles, "But yeah, being lucky and being with you... it kinda goes hand in hand."

"I know the feeling," Arizona sighs blissfully.

"How about you? What do you remember?" Eliza asks her, her voice suddenly a little thin.

Arizona stretches her arm and gently rests her palm on Eliza's face, caressing her cheek with her thumb. "Everything," she answers. "I remember all the good, and all the bad, and all the bad changing into good again. I would never say we were lucky that it happened, but we're definitely lucky for what it gave us."

"A metal plate in my pelvic?" Eliza raises her eyebrow. There's an animated sparkle in her eyes though.

Arizona can't suppress the grin on her face. "Exactly!" she laughs, "Now you're almost as cool as me!"

Eliza shakes her head. "Moron," she smirks, right before she pulls her in for another leisured kiss.

"Now let's talk less past and more future," she quietly goes on when they break apart, their faces still close together. "You're not thinking backpacking right? Since we're not exactly in our twenties anymore."

"Hell no," Arizona snorts again, semi-indignantly. "We're world-class surgeons! Plus you've got like a ton of insurance money!"

"Correction: we have got a ton of insurance money," Eliza sets her straight.

"Right," Arizona chuckles. "So no, no backpacking. Although as long as it's with you I wouldn't mind sleeping in a tent. And I do believe that a backpack trumps a suitcase. Plus I kinda wanna hitchhike at least once in my life. And-"

"Arizona?" Eliza cuts her off.

"Yeah?"

Eliza pulls her close again. "We'll figure it out!" she whispers against Arizona's lips, before closing the small gap between them.

Smiling into it, Arizona surrenders to the kiss, sucking Eliza's lip into her mouth, before their tongues find each other. As their kiss quickly turns more passionate, she feels heat crawling up her spine. Without letting go of each other, she pulls Eliza on top of her.

"The sky is getting dark again," she murmurs between kisses.

Eliza moves her lips to Arizona's neck, kissing the skin below her ear. "Alright," she softly moans, "I guess it's time for Plan B then!"

Without hesitation she moves her mouth to Arizona's chest, kissing her on the soft skin between her breasts, before moving further down - disappearing under the blanket as she does so.

Arizona can feel hot, wet lips leaving a trail down her abdomen. When they reach their destination, she throws her head back into the pillow - relishing in the earth-shattering sensation Eliza is giving her. Within seconds all thoughts leave her head. All but one:

Best.

Honeymoon.

Ever!

... ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This bonus chapter turned out to be the start of an (on-going) series of one-shots, which I'll be collecting here as part 2.


End file.
